Running to You | Park Han + JL + Steven | Haneulz + Stejay AU

Chapter 36: Parallel Lines

JL couldn't sleep.

He was just lying there, staring at the ceiling of his too-quiet apartment, and thinking of all the things he hadn't seen until now.

At first, his mind circled the obvious -- the rain, the goodbye, the way Steven had said, "I think about you."

But then it cracked open further.

He thought about the bus ride to the mountain retreat. Sharing earbuds with Han. Their playlists bleeding into each other. The sound of Jacob Collier's Hideaway playing while JL pretended his shoulder brushing Han's was just gravity.

Take me
Anywhere you want to go
You know that my love is strong
In my hideaway
Softly
Like the calm that follows storm
Find what I've been searching for, all along
In my hideaway
Even when I close my eyes
Darling, I will always stay
Wide awake
In my hideaway

But then... the rest stop.

JL remembered Steven sitting beside him on a concrete ledge, sipping from a bottle of C2 and kicking a pebble with the toe of his shoe.

"You like Avatar?" Steven had asked, voice casual. "The blue one, not the bald one."

JL had grinned, grateful someone asked. "I love that movie."

Steven had nodded. "We should watch it sometime. I haven't seen it in forever."

They never did. But JL remembered wanting to.

They also talked about IU. JL said her voice reminded him of home. Steven had lit up, turning out to be a massive IU fan, and revealed he had a Spotify playlist for running starting with Through the Night. They had listened to it together one day after practice. 

Like the words written in the sand

Where the waves are
I'm afraid you'll disappear
So I always miss you
I can't take out
All these words in my heart
But this means that I love you

JL had never told anyone that.

Later, during the mountain retreat, everyone remembered Chih En's contraband drinks and the bonfire. The quiet, golden moment with Han beside the flames.

But JL remembered something else, too.

The room. The one he'd shared with Steven. How JL had pulled his blanket up to his chin like a shield, and Steven, already half-asleep, had said into the darkness:

"You don't have to carry all of it alone, you know."

JL hadn't responded. Not out loud. But the next morning, he woke up with Steven's blanket draped halfway over his, and the window cracked open to let in the mountain air.

The memory ached now. Like a bruise he hadn't noticed.

The maid café.

Everyone made jokes. JL had barely survived the flirt lines. Han had given him his pineapple soda at the end of it, when JL's hands were still shaking a little from the embarrassment.

But what he remembered now was the sandwich. The one Steven had placed next to his phone backstage while he was changing out of the apron.

"You skipped lunch," Steven had said, not waiting for thanks.

JL hadn't even remembered until now.

There was something else, too.

The hoodie on the back of JL's couch.

It had been there for so long now, JL had stopped seeing it. But he remembered that day so clearly now -- the first week at KNSU, when he had accidentally fallen asleep during team cooldown, rain tapping on the roof of the practice shed.

When he woke up, the hoodie had been draped over his shoulders.

Steven hadn't said anything about it. Not then. Not ever.

JL sat up slowly, heart in his throat.

It had always been there.

Steven had always been there.

While he was busy trying to earn the attention of someone who pulled away, someone else had been loving him -- openly, gently, and without asking for anything in return.

He hadn't even returned the hoodie.

JL buried his face in his hands.

How do you apologize to someone for not noticing they were the safe place you could've chosen all along?