Running to You | Park Han + JL + Steven | Haneulz + Stejay AU

Chapter 48: A Brutal Analysis

JL lay on his back, one arm over his eyes. 

His heart felt like it had run ten laps without him.

He hated himself a little. Not in the dramatic, cry-into-the-pillow way. In the slow, creeping, can't-believe-I'm-this-stupid way. The kind that built up over days of pretending to be fine while the truth clawed its way through his ribs.

Because here's the thing.

Steven was perfect.

Steven had done everything right.

He had waited. He had cared. He had made JL feel safe and wanted and beautiful without ever making it about him.

He had kissed him like it mattered.

He had given him space.

And Han?

Han had whispered one hot, selfish promise in the rain and suddenly JL's stupid heart had started glitching again like some girl in a bad webtoon who can't stop chasing the emotionally unavailable second lead.

JL groaned and pressed the heel of his hand into his forehead.

I'm such a goddamn cliché.

He turned over, pillow muffling his next breath.

Steven deserves better than this.

He ticked off every moment. Steven passing him water at the event. Shielding him from reporters. Sitting next to him, not because he had to, but because he wanted to be there. Letting JL wear his hoodie like it meant something. Saying "I want to keep kissing you" without demanding more.

Every moment had been earned.

And Han?

Han had disappeared for months.

Han had judged him. Pushed him. Dismissed his feelings and chased perfection like love was some kind of competition. Then suddenly he was back—with his pretty eyes and his sad little umbrella and a thumb on JL's lower lip like the world owed him something just because he finally decided to show up.

One whispered line. One maybe-promise.

That's it? JL thought bitterly. That's all it takes to make me hesitate? One stupid, perfectly-timed breath in my ear?

He sat up.

Steven deserves someone who knows. Who chooses him without flinching. Who doesn't get weak in the knees every time a ghost from their past looks at them too long.

I should choose Steven.

JL knew it. Every rational bone in his body screamed it.

He's the one who stayed.

But then--the whisper.

When I kiss you... you'll be mine.

He hated how it echoed.

Han had no right. No claim. No history that justified that kind of gravity.

And still.

JL dragged his hands down his face, palms rough against skin flushed with shame.

"What the hell is wrong with me?"

No answer. Just the soft hum of the fridge. The faint scent of Steven's cologne still clinging to the hoodie.

JL stared down at it. Let himself feel the want. The raw, electric want of Steven... the warmth, the breadth of his shoulders, the way he looked at JL like he mattered.

I will not stop myself anymore.

If his body reached for Steven, he'd let it.

If his heart stuttered when Steven touched him, he'd lean into it.

Because if he asked Steven to be honest with his feelings, JL had to do the same.

And Han? If he wanted to matter now -- really matter -- he'd have to prove it.

Words weren't enough anymore. Not after everything.

JL swallowed. The ache in his chest hadn't gone, but it had sharpened. Focused.

If Han's serious, he'll show me. And if he's not -- then I'll stop letting him take over my headspace.

But Steven?

Steven didn't need to prove a thing.

JL already had the answer in his arms.

And this time, he was going to let himself feel it.