EACH STEP FORWARD CREATED ITS OWN MOMENTUM

PART 3: OUR SOULS TOUCHED

My soul awakened. I yearned for a deep and meaningful relationship that beamed with love. I wanted to hear our souls melodiously sing with joy, and embrace each other in a lyrical dance. It was a long, seemingly neverending
journey in my pursuit of love. I kept my feet on the ground.

As a teenager, I often found my grandfather reading his romantic books with frequent smiles on his face. I was curious. I sneakily got hold of his books and sat in secret places to do my reading. My thirst for knowledge brought a better understanding of myself and the world around me. I learned not to enter relationships with haste or fear but with a centered spirit. I yearned for the touching of souls where we are at the intersection of deep understanding and love.

My first opportunity for love came when I was in middle school. I found a beautiful red rose and a Valentine's card in the drawer of my school desk. The sender was my classmate who sat immediately behind me in my class. I was always suspicious of his feelings for me. He often looked at me with glowing eyes, and his smile was from ear to ear. I knew how I had to retaliate. During our lunch break, I approached him with his tokens of love in my hand. His eyes gleamed with eagerness, and he wore that smile from ear to ear. I cautiously explained to him that I was focusing on my education and I did not want distractions. I watched his mouth turn downwards. The gleam in his eyes disappeared. I returned his tokens of love. He accepted them and hastily walked away. I felt sad for him. I knew I had to keep my feet on the ground.

I had a few encounters with love when I was at university. I was always my authentic self. I dismissed relationships that did not align with me. When it came to matters of the heart I treaded cautiously, and I was steadfast in my beliefs. Relationships with triangles were a no-go zone for me. I sought love that was deep in understanding, love from a centered spirit.

A seemingly very soulful connection came my way when I was a young adult. I was at an Easter barbecue with friends. He was a friend of a friend. I had no introduction to him. I watched and listened to him politely pursuing a conversation among our rowdy group of friends. They were yelling and down-talking each other in an attempt to push through their views on the subject of " What comes first, the chicken or the egg." He seemed very in touch with himself but had this shyness that was untelling. I felt a deep connection despite us not exchanging any words. He was a gem that I would have called mine. We departed from the party with no introduction or exchange of words. After a few years, we were among the same group of friends at a late dinner. I was excited. I felt the urge to introduce myself and pursue a hearty conversation. I regretfully resisted and felt very disheartened. A few days later, I spoke to friends about him. I learned that he was in a relationship. I do not do triangular relationships. I immediately brushed this aside.

I paused between many chapters of my life reflecting on what could have happened if I had done this or that. I yearned for a relationship where we were at an intersection of deep understanding and love. I knew that each step forward created its own momentum. I harnessed perseverance and resilience and forged ahead.

It was a long inward journey in my pursuit of love but a worthy one.
I sought the sun, moon, and stars in my journey ahead. One day, in the wee hours of the morning I heard the sun's offer of warmth and guidance, the moon whispered its advice of listening to my instincts, and the stars roared at me to embrace my hopes and dreams.

My truth was found when I was almost off childbearing age. It was a day at work when I was tasked to meet a Branch manager to discuss a project. This morning I was chirpy, joyful, and filled with enthusiasm. At the Branch, I introduced myself to this remarkable-looking man. I felt that I had known him since time immemorial. My eyes gleamed with excitement. I smiled from ear to ear. My face reflected an aura of brightness, vibrancy, and warmth. Within me, I felt a glow of love.
He gently took my hand and said " I am not who you are looking for." My heart was torn to pieces as though it was the end of my world. I kept my composure. I apologized and said goodbye. Days followed by with me entertaining thoughts of us growing together in love. I wondered if he was single, would we have an adult-to-adult relationship? Was this a sign of better days ahead? After a week I had a phone call from him. He introduced himself and invited me to lunch. With every first date request, I would usually ask for a rain cheque. I was impulsive and filled with joy. I said "Yes, yes, yes! "

On our first date, we filled each other's cups. He ticked all the boxes on my list of expectations. We explored our beliefs on feminism, racism, family values, and morality. We mirrored each other. He saw the joy on my face. He held my hand and looked deeply into my eyes. With conviction, he said " Our souls found each other," I was brimming with joy. Was our chance meeting an act of serendipity, I asked myself. I was awakened to a deep feeling of love. I finally found my truth.

One day I found myself nestled in his arms with a deep sense of emotional fulfillment. Our relationship was in full bloom. We were there to smooth each other's rough edges and draw ourselves to our center. Our disagreements were softly and smoothly resolved. Our routines harmonized. We felt the effects of synergy.

My pursuit of love was a long-deserved journey with road signals of caution and direction. I kept my feet on the ground. The merger of our souls left an indelible mark on my life. Yes, Our souls touched.