EACH STEP FORWARD CREATED ITS OWN MOMENTUM

PART 2: FEET ON THE GROUND

My encounters with being like a runaway horse taught me to be mindful of my actions. I sometimes found myself in a dilemma. My thoughts were like a game of tug-of-war, opponents attempted to drag each other into a pool of muddy water. It was a game of winners and losers. These thoughts were not just a whisper but a roar. Life is not a perfect circle or a straight line. It wavers with pleasantries and adversities. I longed for this restlessness to go away. I was still finding myself, and I needed to cultivate a foundation strong enough to endure adversities. I had to keep my feet on the ground.

I was born in an era when women were perceived as minors. Feminine intellectualism was at its fore. This was a global phenomenon. In my little corner of the globe racial discrimination was enforced by law. It was deeply entrenched and permeated every fabric of our societies. Frustration and dismissal of these issues, during periods of transitions in our lives, can easily set in. We would not realize how deeply it influences every area of our lives. I had to make choices. After much deliberation with my thoughts, I found myself at the intersection of clarity and courage. My feet stayed firm on the ground.

Discrimination of women and race defined us in many ways. Women's liberation movements intensified
and brought awareness and subsequent actions to challenge gender perceptions and limitations placed on the intellectual and professional advancement of women. Systematic changes were needed to bring gender equality. During this time, my country witnessed the birth of the Black Consciousness Movement. This movement brought awareness and fought determinedly and desperately to eradicate the laws of apartheid. There was a growing rise in global awareness and condemnation. I found myself deeply engaged in my thoughts. I was being defined.  I was at a crossroads. I had to make decisions on meek submissions or rise above these events. I was forced to take a stand and keep my feet firm on the ground.

At this junction of my life, I questioned my upbringing. As a family unit, I was not subjected to being inferior because I was female, and racial discrimination was condemned. My siblings and I, at a very early age, were involved in the family business. During the 1970s and 1980s South Africa was faced with a fuel crisis. This was a direct result of the oil embargo and subsequent sanctions placed on our country. Our petrol and diesel stations' business hours were restricted. We were faced with long queues of vehicles waiting to have their tanks filled. We found ourselves helping to man the pumps, supervising the pump attendants, and managing the queues. We also got involved to an extent with duties like repairing tires and wheel alignment.  On the home front, we eagerly helped with changing light bulbs and menial jobs that were so-called manly duties. I recollect sitting at the dining table. My dad very often explained his business projects in graphic illustrations. He went into detail explaining his designs for the construction of campers and buses. He would also explain the mechanical aspects. Both my Grandfather and my Dad hosted all different races from home and abroad. I remember accompanying our guests of a different race on a short boat cruise. We were without our parents. Interracial social interaction was questionable in law and by society. South Africa did not want its international reputation to suffer. It accepted these interactions where foreigners were involved but within South African societies it was frowned upon.

Outside my home, issues of gender and race inequalities were a force to reckon with. In my freshman year, I recollect discussing economic concepts and models with a classmate. One day he looked at me and said, "I want to be a world-class entrepreneur and have you at my side as my secretary." I was deeply offended because academically we were on par and I felt that I was placed in a subjective role. I steadily moved away from this relationship.

When I graduated I was employed. I found myself being acknowledged for my good work. I was often manipulated into performing duties outside my designated job description. These outside duties were reserved for men only and also for a particular race. I accepted these manipulations as they proved that I was capable and they gave me joy and fulfillment. During the redressing of gender and racial inequalities, I was placed in a supervisory position. My gender and race for this job were questionable despite the redressing. I was not bothered. I was surely at the intersection of clarity and courage. I understood how we were molded in our perceptions. I understood that there is only one race and that is the race of humanity. I grew strong in my conviction. My feet stood firmly on the ground.

Note: to be edited.