Bad Memory

~Part of Me~

My lips met his in a desperate frenzy, my hands fumbled with the buttons on his shirt as he unzipped the back of my dress. We kicked off our shoes and stumbled our way into the bedroom just as I finally undid the last of Ezra’s buttons. I stepped away and let my dress fall to the floor, excited to see a wildness and desperation in Ezra’s eyes.

“Shiloh.” His voice was low and strained, both a warning and a question.

“Please,” I begged. “Please, before I doubt myself. Before the fear comes.”

Ezra walked toward me, each footstep echoing the thudding of my heart. Even though I was practically naked in front of him, his eyes never strayed from mine.

“You want this?”

He waited, frozen, for my answer. It was the most powerful I had felt, like singlehandedly controlling the flow of a dam. With one word, I could make this all stop. With one word, I could end this.

But I didn’t want to.

“Yes,” I breathed.

And with that, the dam burst.

It felt as though Ezra was everywhere at the same time. Kissing my neck. Squeezing my breasts. Running his hand along my thigh. His touches were paradoxes: gentle and forceful, soft and hard. I completely surrendered to him, allowed him access to wherever his hands, eyes, and mouth wanted to explore.

Ezra picked me up and tossed me onto the bed. He removed his pants before climbing on top of me, then kissed me again, even deeper than before.

Instinctively, my hips rose to press me further into him. We moved against each other, his hardness against my softness, firmly, rhythmically. I felt a dull ache of need, and our increasing contact both eased and worsened the pain.

Ezra slipped off my underwear, then moved to remove his own. That’s when I squeezed my eyes shut. I didn’t want to see what would be going inside me, how much I would have to accommodate. Right now, my body was screaming to keep going: shaky breaths causing my whole body to shudder, pooling wetness between my legs, amplified nerve endings making every touch feel like an electric shock. I didn’t want to give my brain a reason to be afraid and mess this up.

Something hard pressed against my opening, then stilled. “You’re sure?” Ezra asked.

I opened my eyes to see him staring at me with a hint of concern.

My lips met his again in an answer to his question. This kiss wasn’t as deep, but it was hungry and demanding. Our lips remained locked on each other’s until the moment I broke away, gasping, as Ezra began to ease himself into me. He continued to pepper me with kisses as he slid himself inside.

It wasn’t excruciatingly painful. It wasn’t really painful at all, other than the slight burn of an unfamiliar stretch.

Ezra continued to push into me, smooth and controlled. I had started to wonder how much more I would have to take when he finally stopped. It was a relief; I didn’t think my body had any more space.

“Are you okay?” he murmured.

“Yes,” I breathed.

“I’m a little over halfway.”

“What?!” I yelped.

A small smirk flashed across his face, probably enjoying my reaction to his size. “You’re doing so well, Shi. But we can stop if you want.”

I shook my head vigorously, which made Ezra smile again before returning to impaling me.

He continued to move at the same controlled pace as before, but now I felt even more fullness, even more stretching. It still didn’t hurt, but it was intense; I couldn’t think about anything other than the feeling of Ezra buried deep inside me.