No One Really Understands

Farewell.

He didn't know. He won't know, not until it was too late. No one would.

It was for the best, anyway. He didn't need to stress anyone out more than was necessary. He didn't need them getting all worked up over nothing. This was fine. Everything was fine. It was all going to be fine.

Soon.

Karkat ran. He was sprinting, running desperately in long, crooked strides. He wasn't entirely sure what he was running towards, but he knew he had to reach it. He had to. He didn't know what would happen if he didn't, but he knew that it would be terrible.

He was breathing hard, his breath tearing at his already-raw throat, but he didn't care. He wasn't scared. His mind was set. In the distance, he could see it close in sight. The edge.

Beneath the ragged huff of his breath in his ears, he could hear people shouting for him, begging him not to do it, to come back. He ignored them. He couldn't stop now. Not when he was so close.

The horizon grew closer and closer until he was suddenly right there on the edge. Without stopping, he leapt forward into the empty air, hanging there for a split second then beginning to plummet.

He was falling, down, down, down for what felt like an eternity.

He closed his eyes. He didn't protest. He didn't struggle or fight or move. He let it happen.

He was happy here.

Karkat opened his eyes, staring up at the pitch black ceiling. He blinked once, twice, trying to shake away the feeling of falling that still lingered.

This was it. It was all going to be over after today.

Soon, he was going to be free.

Karkat sat up. He looked over at his alarm clock. 6:47. He needed to get to school soon, or he'd be late.

As he got ready, everything he did had a sense of finality to it. The last time he'd shower. The last time he'd leave for school.

The last time he'd walked out the front door alive.

While he was still getting dressed, he heard Kankri leave. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a nagging voice told him to go with his brother, that if he didn't leave now he'd be late, but yet he lingered. He went over to his desk and pulled out the mint boxes. He opened them, and just looked at them, all the tiny blue pills, and admired them for a moment. He picked one up and set it in his palm. He looked at it. Briefly, he wondered what would happen if he did it now. No one would find him, not until it was already far too late. No one would know.

No. He closed his eyes and gripped the pill in his fist. Not now. You have to say goodbye first. You can't leave them without saying goodbye.

Karkat sighed softly and put the boxes back. He picked up his backpack and started off to school. A little ways away from his house, he realized something and cringed. He was supposed to have walked with Dave.

Damn.

He walked in silence. The air was cold and bleached and there was hardly anyone out. He wondered what would happen if he were to jump in front of the next car that passed. There wouldn't be too many witnesses, and no one would know it was intentional.

...No.

He'd already tried that.

Walking into school felt odd and uncomfortable. He had a constant, sneaking suspicion that everyone knew what he was planning, that everyone could see his thoughts displayed above his head. This was, of course, impossible--he hadn't told or even implied anything to anyone--but he still felt as though every time someone glanced in his direction, or whispered something to someone else, they were talking about him.