It Should Have Been Like This (The Revised Version)

Chapter 77: Facing the Storm Within

Lavender's viewpoint

I gnawed on my thumb anxiously, my gaze glued to the screen of my phone as I scrolled through the comments on a shared post concerning me. The comments were a mixed bag, most of the negative ones condemning me for going back to Rominic, who had, in their eyes, ruined my life. Many fiercely insulted me for my supposed immorality, claiming there was always a way out without resorting to using my body.

I pulled my thumb from my mouth and glared at the phone. "What do they know? It's not like they've been in my situation," I muttered, then returned my thumb to its comforting haven between my teeth. They had no idea what I'd been through, so who were they to judge? Some people even commented on my foolishness for believing someone out of my league could love me, shaming me for being a gold digger and getting what I deserved.

My anxiety ratcheted up a notch. I was never after Rominic's money, maybe his fame, but not his wealth. I'm not a gold digger. I never was, and I never will be. 'Is that what you think?' a voice hissed derisively in my head, its tone laced with cruel mockery. 'Didn't you accept him back mainly because his wealth would benefit your children? Face it, Lavender, you came back to him because of his wealth so you wouldn't have to worry about their financial needs. You just wanted to pass on the responsibility! I'm sure you even told yourself it was a reward for taking care of his children!!!'

The voice's words felt like a punch to the gut, each syllable a venomous barb aimed at my deepest insecurities. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to shut out the insidious whispers, but they continued to echo in my mind, gnawing at my already frayed nerves.

The phone slipped from my grasp, landing with a dull thud on my lap. "No!" I cried out, my head shaking frantically. "It's not true. I didn't have a choice but to marry him, or he'd take them away from me. I didn't do it for his money. It's not true… is it? Maybe it's true, maybe I really am a gold digger. No, I love him, I really—"

My panicked monologue was abruptly cut short by a joyous, youthful voice. "Mom! I'm back!!!" I nearly jumped out of my skin, my heart threatening to leap out of my chest. I instinctively turned off the screen of my phone, tossing it onto the chair, and desperately tried to regulate my breathing. He had returned too soon.

Zayne burst into our private living room, his face alight with excitement. Rylee had taken him to the exhibition as promised, and he had been away for days. I hadn't expected him back today. The moment his eyes met mine, the light on his face vanished, replaced by a cold, deadpan expression.

'Was I that obvious?' I thought, my gaze darting towards the phone, a silent testament to my internal turmoil.

"Mom, you're crying," he said, his voice laced with concern, his youthful innocence momentarily forgotten.

My heart ached at the sight of his worried expression, a stark contrast to the turmoil raging within me. I couldn't bear for him to see me like this, to see the vulnerability I had been desperately trying to conceal.

"I am?" I asked, my hand instinctively flying to my face. The reason I'd been caught was obvious — my face. I looked at Zayne nervously, my heart hammering against my ribs like a trapped bird. I'd promised everyone I would stay away from social media, from the internet entirely, until I got better. But the overwhelming curiosity and anxiety had proven too much. The moment Rominic had stepped out with the kids, I'd succumbed to the temptation, doing exactly what I shouldn't have. Aside from my face, the phone was a self-explanatory confession.

I dropped my hands to my lap and fiddled with them, shame engulfing me like a suffocating fog. "I'm sorry," I muttered, my voice barely a whisper. He responded with silence, and I continued to stare at my fingers, my heart sinking further with each passing second. After a minute of unbearable silence, I looked up, meeting his gaze. My heart skipped a beat because I thought I saw an expression on his face I'd never witnessed before, one no child should ever wear. But I must have been hallucinating. It was gone as quickly as it had appeared, an illusion in the depths of my anxiety.

Zayne beamed softly, his face brightening like the sweet boy I had raised. "Your friends are waiting for you downstairs. You wouldn't want to meet them looking like this now, would you?"

I gasped, springing to my feet. It had been ten days since I'd come back to my senses, but Rominic and the children had refused to let me see anyone. And to be frank, they'd done me a great service by doing so. I was terrified of facing everyone. I still couldn't understand why the only people I wanted to see were my husband and children. I would wake up in the middle of the night, anxiously feeling the bed to make sure Rominic hadn't run away while I slept, but he was always there, beside me. After the first three nights of agonizing anxiety, he started cuddling me, so when I woke up, I would always find myself nestled in his arms. And every night, one of the kids would join us, their presence a soothing balm against my anxieties.

I would say I'd gotten better, but I wasn't sure if I was ready to see them yet. "I d-don't k-know… I don't…" Tears welled up in the corners of my eyes as I shook my head frantically. What if they looked at me with disdain? What if they mocked me? What if they felt the same way as the people in the comments? I couldn't bear it. I had just gotten my life back, I couldn't handle that kind of rejection.

"Dad thinks it's time to meet other people who'd prove your fear wrong, and so do I. You can't keep hiding, Mom," Zayne said matter-of-factly, his voice laced with a gentle firmness that mirrored his father's.

"I'm not ready," I mumbled, biting into my fingernails again. If they truly loved me, then they would understand, right? That should be enough to prove it, right? My thoughts were interrupted by a presence beside me. I looked down to see Zayne picking up my phone. "What are you—"

He waved the phone with a smile. "I'm taking this. You wouldn't want Zyaire and Serene to find out you had this, would you? Let's not forget the others would be very angry," he said, slipping the phone into his pocket. He patted my thigh and walked towards the door. All I could do was watch him in a daze, my mind a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. After watching the empty doorway for what felt like an eternity, my mind blank, I plopped back onto my seat and buried my face in my palms.

The sound of my racing heartbeat and the distressing thoughts swirling in my head combined to create a throbbing pain that shot across my temples, a harbinger of the harrowing headache that was about to descend. Just a few minutes after Zayne left, I heard footsteps approaching. I raised my head, surprised beyond belief. He hadn't sent them away; he'd sent them up.

I thought I wasn't ready to meet them. I thought it would be best to keep my distance. I thought seeing them would confirm their hatred, but as I met their anxious, scared expressions, tears streamed down my face, and it felt like my final defense had finally crumbled.

"Ferris," I sobbed, trying to wipe away the tears. He hurried towards me and enveloped me in a tight hug. I felt Gael's arms from behind me as Elias patted my head gently. I wasn't sure what happened after I broke into tears, releasing more tears than I had since the incident. By the time I came to, I was sitting on Link's lap, my head resting on his shoulder. Gael and Elias sat on either side of him, holding my hands, while Ferris knelt in front of me, scrolling through my phone.

I first wondered how he had gotten his hands on my phone, but then I remembered Zayne had taken it. He must have given it to them. "Knowing you, I'm sure you were bothered about being called a gold digger," he said, looking over his shoulder at Anna, who had been sitting opposite us quietly, her arms folded. Suzanne sat beside her, her legs crossed and her elbow resting on the armrest. I couldn't find Ginger, and I didn't have the energy to ask.