It Should Have Been Like This (The Revised Version)

Chapter 23: Heartache and Despair

You know that feeling where you feel like the ground should swallow you up? Well, that was how I felt while sitting in his car and staring out of the window.

I wanted to scream and yell from the earlier incident. I blame him for angering me and making me come after him. The fortunate reward is that he didn't die, that should be good enough as an apology for him. But what I saw…

I groaned and sank into the car seat, fighting the urge to bury my face in my knees and turn to mud. As much as I was trying to be brazen about it, I knew it wasn't something I wanted to live with. It's not like I haven't seen it before, but I had always been a big-time prude and it had been years since I saw a fine naked man. The keyword is fine. I don't know if it's possible but he looked bigger than before or maybe it was because it'd been years since I last saw 'him'. And the worst part was that I was supposed to be an erotophobe.

Why didn't I feel repulsed by the sight?

Why did I like what I saw?

And Jesus Christ! Is that what went into me in the past?!

I glanced at my side when he groaned from pain. He was holding the back of his waist, his eyes brimming with tears. He was in a whole lot of pain, and it was my fault… No, it was his fault, not mine.

God, why do I have a conscience?!

The car pulled over in the garage, steady and slow. I didn't wait for a second before I grabbed my bag and bolted. I ran into the house, almost forgetting in my haste that Serenity would be standing there and waiting. I was going to bulldoze and hurt my baby. I pulled myself to a stop with a gasp, so close to running my daughter down. The funny thing is that she just blinked, totally unfazed.

"Serene," I said under my breath. She squeezed her toy tightly and grinned.

"Jolly day, Mother, isn't it?"

"Yes, baby, swell," I said sarcastically. She giggled and stretched her hands out. I smiled, dropped my bag, and lifted her small body into my arms. I pressed my nose to her ears, causing her to giggle uncontrollably.

"Mommy, you know I'm ticklish,"

"That's the point, my little sunflower,"

"Mom, Mom, look what I drew!" Zayne shouted. I pushed my nose away from her ear to look down at my son. He was eagerly and excitedly holding up a large book, bouncing as if he were planning to rocket himself to the moon. In his book was a nice drawing of… Do you know that squirrel in the Ice Age movie who is still chasing his nut? That's the one. The squirrel was chasing his nut while being chased by a dragon.

Wow, that's a nice dragon.

But wait. When did the squirrel start running in the air?

"Wow, you drew that?" I gushed in awe. I slowly dropped Serenity, going down on my knees to get a closer look. The squirrel looked exactly like it and the dragon was so realistic it gave me goosebumps. "It's beautiful, Zayne, I'm so proud of you,"

"I can be an artist, right, Mom?" I nodded with equal excitement, tears brimming in my eyes. "I'll practice harder so I can draw you and Daddy too," my smile faltered for a second but I covered it up quickly.

What's his father doing in that dream?

"Look, Mom, I drew a donkey!" Savia shouted excitedly. I looked over Zayne's head and saw her drawing book… Wow. "What do you think, Mom?"

Is that a donkey or a carrot with three legs?

I scrunched my face up, struggling to come up with a nice compliment for her drawing. "Er… It's… um… interesting," Zachary burst into laughter, falling off the couch he was sitting on. Zyaire joined him while Serene tried not to laugh. Savvy threw them a dirty look or maybe a scowl. She turned her head so I'm not sure, but whatever expression she made only increased the mockery and laughter.