Loud Silence

Chapter 9

Noah's P.O.V 

I don't know what's gotten into me. It's like something shut off. The moral part of me is somewhere deep inside me and I can't grasp onto it. Something about the day where I spilled everything to Willow, made me realize that even though all of that is what I really want, I still can't have it. Even though I told her I'd try. 

But after seeing her disappear down the halls with Adrian, holding his hand, something in me blossomed. A deep jealousy I didn't know I could hold. So I did what I did best, I buried myself in something else. In Brittany and I've never had more of a wild night before. Brittany really was an animal. And it made the night somewhat enjoyable.  

But when Adrian got that text on Sunday, Willow asking if he wanted to come over, the jealousy grew. Adrian took me with but I had already drowned myself in a couple bottles of beer to help become numb so I didn't have to feel the jealousy. And then one thing led to another and the beer didn't work and the pain grew and my anger spiked and I was gone. But then I apologized and Willow accepted it but I'm still ignoring the girl who knew things no one else but Adrian knows. I'm still ignoring the girl I really want and I don't know why. I don't know if I'm scared. I don't know if I'm worried, I don't know if I even want to just go up and make her mine. I don't know what I want. 

So that's why I act like it's all okay because, well because I don't know how else to be. Maybe Adrian does deserve her. Maybe that's why I'm ignoring her. Because she doesn't deserve me, she doesn't deserve to be hurt, because I'm sure that's what I'll do if I did open up to her again. I don't want to hurt Willow, but am I hurting her more by ignoring her..? 

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Willow's P.O.V 

I'm currently sitting at lunch in the far off corner beside a window that shows the football field and the tree's that lay behind it. My hair is down cascading to my waist in soft waves. I don't usually wear my hair down but this morning I was too lazy to even bother putting it up. I'm just thinking, when I feel a presence behind me which is different because no one usually comes up to my table. I turn slowly, moving my body to look at the person. And it's none other than Adrian. 

"Can I sit with you?" He asks softly holding his lunch in his hands, a simple brown bag. I nod quickly and move my bag so he can sit beside me. I hold up my hands in a questioning manner. What brings you here Adrian? 

"My table doesn't really like me anymore, the popularity thing is wearing off and I don't find interest in them anymore." He sighs, kind of sadly. I nod slowly and squeeze his hand. 

"You're really good at hiding though, I couldn't find you for a good ten minutes and I wandered around like a dork." He chuckles softly and I laugh out loud without meaning too, the sound escaping my throat naturally, I slap my hand over my mouth and stare at Adrian's shocked face. 

"The sound of your voice Willow.." He whispers softly staring at my lips, he cups my chin softly, running his thumb over my bottom lip. 

"So melodic, god it sounded like an angel laughed, why are you hiding such a sound Willow..?" He asks softly. I shake my head quickly and clean my area, preparing to leave. I can't believe I let that happen. Granted that it was only a laugh but Adrian made me feel so at ease, so carefree, what if I let words slip around him? Me talking, can be bad if I'm not careful of what I say. 

"No Willow please don't leave, please don't." He grabs my hand almost begging me. I stare at him for a second and nod, sitting back down. My knee brushes against his and he scoots closer to me leaning down slightly. I can barely breathe, my heart is stuck in my chest beating rapidly at the close proximity. 

"Willow," he whispers. "I know I haven't known you very long, I know Noah likes you but Willow I like you too. I'm not throwing my friend under the bus, I'm not going to say I'm better than him, I'm not going to say it's me or him, I'm not going to make you chose but Willow I really like you. You're different. You're sweet without having to try, you're beautiful in the way that you can smile even when you're sad, you're beautiful when you write about something you love, you're amazing for the way you think. You're strong. You're not just beautiful because of those eyes, or your skin, no you're beautiful for you. And Willow you deserve to know that. You're funny, you're sad, you're happy, and I want to be a part of it. But I also understand that if you like Noah, that you forgive him, that you should be with him and not me. I want you to be happy and if he makes you happy then please be with him. I love that smile and if he gives you that smile. Then be with him. I think you'll be good for him." He finishes talking, staring into my eyes waiting for my reaction. 

I'm melting inside, the feelings I tried to force down are bubbling above the cracks threatening to break out and boy does my heart want me to like Adrian, it wants me to let myself like him. But what about Noah? This is his best friend wouldn't he hate me for it? Do I still like Noah even though he ignores me? What do I want? Do I want the boy who no matter who's looking, will be my friend, or the boy who captured my heart in one day just to chose another girl's body. The choice seems obvious doesn't it? I should just chose Adrian and be done with it. But I want to be Noah's friend. Could there be a way where I could be with Adrian and still be friends with Noah? Would Noah let me? 

I stare at Adrian, my eyes run over his lips, and before I know what I'm doing I'm leaning forward pressing my lips into his, my arms wrap themselves around his neck, my fingers curling into his soft locks of hair. My lips move against his slowly, and his move against mine. Warm shivers rack my body as he pulls me closer. 

Soon we break apart, both breathing harder. I grab a piece of paper and begin to write. 

"I want there to be an us Adrian, a you and me. I want to be with you. But if we do this, I don't want to lose Noah, he was technically my first friend. I want to be with you, but I still want to be his friend." I slowly slide the paper and gauge his reaction. He reads it and nods. 

"I can't promise that he'll come around when I tell him, but I'll try my best for him to give you another chance." He leans forward and kisses my forehead softly, I close my eyes when his lips come into contact with my skin. 

It feels so right. I told myself I wouldn't let myself get involved with love. I knew it'd be a sticky mess. But I want it nonetheless.  I wanted to feel loved again.  

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So, I kind of REALLY like Adrian, and don't shoot me but I don't know who she's going to end up with. I have some ideas, but you'll probably shoot me for those too. Let me hear your thoughts please, vote, comment, read, live life, and please don't be afraid to do anything that will make your life better. Kiss the boy that likes you, and you like him. Tell the girl you're in love with her. Thank ya mama for dinner. MAKE A DIFFERENCE. Don't be like Noah. Do what's right for you. OK enough of me blabbering. Bye Ladies and gents.  

~Yours truly~