Strings and Schemes

Chapter 2

I am a little awestruck, not that I thought he was lights on but nobody's home kind of guy, but I didn't give him credit. "I'm sorry for misjudging you," I offer.

"Thanks" he says, smiling and taking my hand in his lacing our fingers together. "Let's dance - we can figure out the rest later, if at all." And suddenly, the fact that I have so much control, and power in this dynamic makes me want to right here in the middle of this dance floor with all these people around us.

There's a large part of me that is scared out of my wits, but there's another part of me, a small but mighty part of me that is growing in confidence and security in the whole situation feeling like maybe this opportunity is the right one.

I spent so many years denying my interest in anything sexual, that it feels so awkward when the life I hoped I'd live, the life I'd designed somehow turns out to be exactly that. I find myself pondering if it's one of those wanting what I want until I have it things, but there's no real way to know unless I take a chance on that.

There's a large part of me that recognizes that these desires are entirely normal, and if any man had said they'd dreamed of threesomes, or literally whatever kink that didn't involve anything illegal or morally grey, they'd be treated as normal. But, that's not my situation. I am a woman, getting herself into a situation. But, its a situation with someone I've known since childhood, whose had my back through umpteen other situations that had nothing to do with this kind of situation and has had my back, then too.

So what's different?

I continue to sway with Zayn to the EDM flowing through the speakers; the back of his hand trailing down from my shoulder to the tips of my fingers, ever so slowly, and delicately in a way that lights my skin on fire. Of course I want to explore this. I haven't felt so relaxed with a stranger in so long, and maybe it's because Louis introduced us and I trust Louis, or maybe it's because something else. I close my eyes hard and shake my head for a second, forgetting that this god is in front of me.

"What is it?" Zayn laughs, acknowledging my own display of frustration with myself. His fingertips trailing slowly back up to my shoulder.

I open my eyes and find his staring back, laughing with him. "It's something I do to stop thinking about things, the physical shake of my head reminds me to get out of it and live in the moment more."

Zayn nods, bright eyes smiling back, "that's actually ingenious."

I shake my head, refusing his compliments as if it's nothing.

"Look, Raina, if you're going to be around me you're going to have to get used to being complimented." Bold of him to assume this could ever be more than a one time, fantasy fulfilling event.

I shake my head, "I refuse." Zayn moves his hand from my shoulder, to my cheek, cupping it and stopping me from being able to look down or avoid his gaze.

"Love, if there's any part of you that feels insecure around me, don't." He asserts, "you are gorgeous, and fun in a way that so many people only ever dream of being fun in. And, I know there's more going on in that head of yours than you ever let on, maybe it's not obvious to everyone else, but I see you."

My breath hitches. When did he get so close? When did he start reading my mind? Zayn pulls me closer, his breath warm against my neck before he places a soft kiss along my jugular. My skin tingles, the sensation lingering so softly I'm almost unsure it even happened.

Zayn pulls back, "I'm sorry, I've just been wanting to know how to touch you all night."

I nod, feeling 1000 miles away from here and so very rooted in my body all at once.

"I've got a few stipulations,," I say nervously.

Zayn nods. "I know that I am not offering you something you can't get elsewhere, probably with less strings, if you tried. But, I don't get involved with people, even casually, who aren't solid. I keep my circle small, and I don't expand it often."

I take a deep breath before I totally expose myself, "I'm not asking for you to be Aladdin, or for me to be Jasmine, but I am asking that you respect me not just in the situation where you'd undoubtedly be benefiting from my existence. But, also after - I don't do high school drama, and I don't do strangers who I've met once. A friend of a friend, I would consider...but if you really want to do this, solo, or the three of us, you need to offer me something safe."

Zayn nods, "So, you don't sleep with assholes?"

"I try not to, at least." I laugh, casting my gaze down to my feet. He puts his index finger under my chin, and makes me meet his gaze.

"I need you to hear me when I say this Raina," Zayn starts, "I can promise you, my asshole days are long behind me. The things I want in life now, are much more delicate and require a kinder heart and mind. I've done the work to be the kind of guy who can handle the complexities of these situations, and I don't want to put anyone in an emotionally precarious situation."

I smile, a genuine, calm and collected smile. Zayn smiles back, and leans in ever so slightly, testing the waters. I close the minuscule gap between us and put my lips on his. He kisses me gently, and carefully at first, while pulling me into his body with his free hand, his other firmly planted in my hair. I feel my heart racing at the possibilities, and deepen the kiss. My tongue lightly tracing his bottom lip, asking for entrance; he obliges, deepening the kiss in turn, moving his tongue against mine in a way I had only hoped for. Our tongues in a dance of their own as my hands move from my sides, to his lower stomach, and chest; drawing little doodles of nothingness on his warm, molten core.

Zayn pulls away, equally breathless, and speaks with his lips almost against mine; "Raina, I am down for whatever you're down for. I won't think poorly of you for having desires, and I won't be in it for myself. If tonight ends with nothing more than what just happened here, I'd still spend all my time trying to bother you."

I feel breathless, in a way I haven't feel in so long that I know it can't be just desire and lust feeding my system. I nod.

I'm scared, but I'm going to do it scared - because I deserve to let myself try the things I always wanted to.

I kiss Zayn again, my response a quiet surrender. His smile lingers against my lips as our kiss deepens, the kind of kiss I've always imagined, until now.

Louis somehow finds his way back to us on the dance floor, honestly, he couldn't have timed it better. He slides his hand behind my lower back, signalling that he's there for Zayn to move ever so slightly. Zayn obliges and shares my lower back with Louis, meeting his eyes.

"You two figured it out?" Louis says cheerfully. Zayn nods and smiles, while Louis kisses my neck in the way he knows how to do oh so well. I shutter at the feeling of two extra sets of hands, and lips on me, and realize I am in way over my head.

"What do you say, Rain?" Louis pulls me towards him, nipping my lips with his teeth in a playful manner. "Do you want to get out of here?"

My body feels on autopilot in the best of ways as I reach for Zayn's hand, and wrap my arm around Louis bicep; "let's get out of here," I say breathlessly.