Path Of The Wind

Part 17: Being too accepting isn't always a good trait.

We had an idea of what was to be done so as to make a move, though it was undoable; we hadn't any witness or were planning to get the authorities involved, since they too had members from there.

I couldn't wait to tell Eunseo about everything , I just knew that she would believe me after all of that , that I would no longer need to act like nothing was wrong, it felt just the right time to speak with her about it , to let her know what she wasn't aware of, i prepared everything that could potentially inflect a damage on her , I couldn't wait any seconds , but eventually I had to postponed it, she wasn't meant to know that day , in the same day I received a call from her before I could reach for her , in the phone her voice was the saddest I could ever hear , news that weren't good at all, weren't expected at all she said

:" we lost your dad" at those word , I immediately forgot everything I planned to say or do with her , like my memory had been completely wiped clean , and my heart ached like it had been poked with needles. And my body froze to place, the abruptly switch of scenarios made it feel like a dream , I didn't believe it , I remember I didn't say a word to my mother, and I found myself walking without thinking toward the hospital until I arrived , the realization finally hit me at the sight of him laying motionless, eyes closed , looking unhumanly pale , the look was far from someone just sleeping deeply, his soul left his body, a sleep you can't wake up from was what I saw , haunting and painfully difficult to watch.

It was all about her, and then, so suddenly, it turned out to be all about me. Nurses whispered, and people I didn't know approached me. I had called only to inform my mother, but within half an hour, the phone wouldn't stop ringing. People I knew and people I didn't were voicing their respects and condolences. The news spread like a virus. I didn't have to make a scene at all; it was that kind of tragic news, the kind that reaches the whole town without effort.

I remembered one of them was Hye-soo, the nurse who had shown so much compassion toward me and Dad. She came to me crying, accompanied by some of her colleagues. Seeing the tears in her eyes while mine remained dry as a desert, I found myself playing the role of the comforter. The words I spoke seemed to come from someone who wasn't deeply involved: "That's just how life is sadly ." that was the first and the only thing that came out of my mouth , nothing else I thought of to say other then that .

I left his body in the hospital morgue without appearing as though I had lost someone dear. I walked back as if I knew exactly what to do next. The few answers I gave were too casual for a day like that. I didn't understand why Eunseo was clinging to me as if I were one of her mentally ill patients-the kind who either engage in self-harm or, perhaps even worse, suicidal actions, she just seemed to be everywhere, just as soon as I was getting out , she took off her blouse and left the hospital , Eunseo walked beside me the whole way back , and for the time we took to reach the restaurant I didn't know if she actually did talk at all during the walk.

At least Mom wasn't alone when I left her. Even though I knew the news before leaving, Elija and Mirae, as always, were there at that time with her, ready to soften the tragic impact of hearing it from me. At least I would face her in a more stable state, one that I could handle, to look at her face. Just before entering, I breathed deeply enough to wear the cap of ultimate courage, a persona that I could provide for my mother to lean on in heartbreak like this.

As soon as she saw me, she came and gave me a hug, which I returned it back by cuddling her in my embrace. I did not want to let go until she stopped crying, until she surrendered to the peace I wanted her to feel as I squeezed her tight. But the hug lasted for only two minutes; she broke it to hug the person next to me, Eunseo.

We held the funeral and I still couldn't shed any single tear , I felt defected as a human being , I couldn't understand myself , was it my way of showing grief or was I still under the spell of disbelief , all I knew people interpretations of what they saw as they came for condolences were positives , they preceived it as strong , courageous and patience.

Things were hard , I had to deal with unnecessary family matters in the process which made me mad , and the last drop that spilled the cup was when I saw Eunseo 's friend entered to my house , to me they weren't welcomed at all specially when i knew about them things she was unaware of , and because of that we tangled into a fight that neither of us understood the core of the problem, our circle of thoughts never crossed each other .

I've seen tears scrolling down her cheeks, hers triggered mine to fall uncontrollably as well—tears I didn't know I held inside until that moment, until the very last day of the funeral. Even though I made a mistake in how I behaved with those who were supposed to be her friends, I still couldn't deny the fact that I felt a huge relief—that my body relaxed and my mind finally rested at peace. And just as we were done spilling our hearts out, without a word, we decided that it was better not to push things to the point of no return .