I love the one I can't have.

The first day.

I froze up not knowing what to say back to him. I just stared, waiting for him to carry on the conversation he had just started. A smile grew on his face and he shook his head, I'm guessing shaking away his thoughts. -he was probably thinking what a freak I am-

"Um. Well, yeah. Ha. I was just going to come and find you to tell you the arrangements for after school" he said looking around, not knowing what to say.

I tried to play it cool "alright, ok. Yeah..."
He tapped my shoulder and did a little nod and proceeded to walk away. He turned around "oh wait, the plans".
I laughed. "Come to my classroom at the end of the day, our session should be over within about half an hour .. If we go over, then I'll knock a day off" he gave me and wink and then walked away, muttering something to him self on the way.

I didn't want the end of the day to come, but I did at the same time. Around him I act differently, my mind doesn't think straight when I'm with him. I don't like feeling this way, but I love seeing him and being around him.

I walked into my English room and took my seat, which was at the back. My teacher didn't say anything, because to be fair most of the time she didn't know I was there. I've sat at the back for the whole time she's taught me and she just forgets I'm there, as I don't speak up and I just get on with my work (I find English easy).

The lesson finished, I picked my bag up and waited outside the Classroom, to catch my friends as they walked past.

"Hey, Alice." Jessica said.
"Hey Jess" I replied.
"I didn't think you were going to come in today, I waited for you at the gates .. But you didn't arrive, so I left haha" Ellis said.
"Oh right, yeah. I was a bit late .. I figured I was already going to be late, so there wasn't point rushing" I laughed.

We all walked down to break together and sat on the table we always sit on. We all sat in exactly the same seats and we have been for about a year now. Everyday, the same people sit with us, but then they leave so it's just my group.

The rest of the day breezed by. The end of the day came in what felt like seconds. I was so nervous about going to Mr Kennedy, but I had too. Should I bail? Could I just say I forgot?. No. I had to go, he doesn't know how I feel about him; everything will be fine. Stop over thinking things Alice, it'll be fine. Fine. Fine.

"Alice" someone shouted.
I turned around and saw it was Ellis running towards me.
"Are you walking home, through town" she said smiling.
"Um. Yeah. But not till about 4 .. Are you?" I replied, great full that she did this, putting off going to see Mr Kennedy.
"Yeah. Why are you not leaving till four?" She said.
"Got .. Like revision or something like that. A catch up" I said.
"Ah right. Well, I'll go to photography for a while, and when you've finished your catch up, text me. Yeah? Then we can go home together." She said trying to work everything out.
"Yeah, yeah. Right" I said, beginning to edge away.
"Bye. Cya soon" she called whilst I was walking away.

I walked to Mr Kennedy's class. I was nervous to walk in. I stood there for a minute .. Contemplating whether to knock on. Suddenly, a hand touched my shoulder and opened the door. It was Sir.

"Hello Alice, glad you could come" Mr Kennedy said smiling and placing 2 books down on a desk in the middle.

"Yeah haha. Hi sir" I said with a kind of smile slapped on my face.

He turned around and smiled "just sit here. We have a bit to get through in the next half hour" he said pointing to the middle desk, where he placed the books. The tables were different. It was three rows each side. But the middle on the left was more spaced out from the rest. Probably why he wanted me to sit there.

I sat down and put my bag under the desk. I looked up and saw Mr Kennedy was leaning over his chair, sorting something on his computer. Suddenly, a exam style paper appeared on the screen.

"This, this is what we will be doing today. Sorry for the delay, someone shut my computer down and my link disappeared" he said squinting his eyes, trying to figure out who did it.

He started explaining things to do with the History topic we were on. Pointing at the bored, going to the computer to change the slide or scroll down the screen. I was making notes on what he was saying and annotating an exam paper he had given me previous of today's session. Every now and then, he'd look up from his computer or writing on the White board and smile and giggle at me. It seemed like he really enjoyed the topic we were on.

"And that's that. Now, can you open both text books to page 237? Thanks" he said changing something on his computer, picking a pen up and some paper, then came and sat next to me.

I opened to books to the correct page and kind of shuffled over a bit when he came and sat next to end. You know, personal space.

He began to ask me questions of my opinion on the Soviet Union and point to things in the book. Every now and then having a little joke with me.

"Oh poo. It's 10 past 4 Alice, we've gone over my over half an hour" he said looking at his watch.

"Oh. It's alright sir. I think I've learnt a lot now anyway haha" I said smiling am getting my phone out of my pocket and realising I have 2 texts from Ellis.

I text back "I'm done now, come meet me on 1st floor xx"

"Well then Alice, it's a wrap. I'll make an official day of the week for our catch up sessions, but until I figure out a day that doesn't interfere with mine or your schedule I'll just find you in school and tell you. These sessions won't be everyday because we both have lives haha, but they may be on some days which are next to each other" he told me, whilst walking out of lesson with me.

"Ok sir. This was very educational haha" I said smiling at him.

He shut the door to his classroom whilst I checked my phone for a text. I had one off of Ellis .. "I'm already out of school, I'll wait at the first traffic lights xxx", I relied with a simple "ok xx".

We began to walk down the stair case together and then out of school, just chatting about the course and how I'm only about one or two double lessons behind, so there shouldn't really be that many catch up sessions, maybe about 6 or 7.

We walked out of school, just about to go our separate aways.
"Well, I'll see you tomorrow Alice" he said smiling at me and beginning to walk up the hill.
"Yes, see you tomorrow sir" I said walking the opposite way.
"Have a good night. And try not to be late tomorrow" he said with a smirk on his face.
"I will sir. You too haha" I replied laughing.
"But not that much of a good night that you can't do you homework" was his last words before waving and then he was gone.

I walked down the steps at the front of school and saw Ellis waiting there.
"Hey girl" she said tapping my shoulder.
"Hey Ellis" I smiled.
"How was your catch up with Mr Kennedy?" She said smirking.
"Alright I guess haha" I said "we just went over a few things".
"Right haha. I have to stay behind tomorrow, do you?" She said
"I'm not sure yet, I'll find out and tell you tomorrow. If i don't have to, I'll go to maths or something to wait for you" I smiled.
"Thanks" she returned the smile.

We got on the bus and went home, she lives like a street away from me. We normally walk to school together, but if I don't reply to her text before 07:15am she goes without me but then waits at the school gates for me. She's a good friend.

Once I got home, all I could think of was what it was like to be alone with Mr Kennedy. Not making it weird; all we did was learn. But wow, I felt special to have a lot of one to one time with him now.  I know I shouldn't feel special for being behind everyone else in my class, but not everyone gets one to one time with their teachers.

The night flew by. Homework done and bag packed for the next day. I got into bed, checked my phone and drifted into a powerful sleep.