Karylle
"Mama... gumagayaw hands ko," dinig kong sabi ni Yanna.
I looked at her hands at nakita kong nanginginig nga ito. I also heard her spoon na nalaglag dahil sa bigla niyang pagbitaw. I immediately held her hands at hinilot ito as if it was the cure. Kahit ako ay nangangatog but I chose to keep it dahil ayokong makita ng anak ko na mahina ako.
Ilang beses ng nangyayari 'to. Everytime Yanna's eating or playing, bigla bigla nalang niya nabibitawan yung mga bagay na hawak niya dahil sa biglaang pangangatog ng mga kamay niya. We once consulted a doctor about it pero sinabi lang nila na part ng seizure ng anak ko ang pangangatog.
"Mama, wala na. Magaling na," nakasmile na sabi niya habang iwinawagayway ang kamay.
I kissed both of her hands. Bilang isang ina, I couldn't take seeing my daughter suffering from this shit seizure without knowing how it would be cure. Hanggang ngayon kasi ay hindi parin masabi ng mga doctor kung anong sakit ni Yanna. And I almost curse them for being such a stupid doctor dahil hindi manlang nila magawa ng maayos ang mga trabaho nila.
"Mama, why you crying?"
Nag-look up ako kay Yanna. She wiped my cheeks and that's when I realized na umiiyak na pala ako. Masisisi mo ba 'ko? Sino bang ina ang hindi mag-aalala kung ganito ang pinagdadaanan ng anak mo? It should be me... sana ako nalang yung nakakaranas ng ganito at hindi ang anak ko.
"Mama, stop-- gggghhhhh!"
"Yanna? Yanna?"
I burst out into tears nang makita kong nanginginig ang buong mukha ni Yanna. She keeps on saying "Mama" na parang humihingi ng tulong. Halos maglumpasay naman ako dahil hindi ko na matake yung nakikita ko.
"Vice! Vice si Yanna!!"
I was crying hard when Vice headed at the kitchen. 'Fvck!' he cussed as he immediately carried Yanna.
Sa sobrang takot at pag-aalala ay hindi ko na namalayan na nakasakay na pala ako sa sasakyan and we're currently on the way to the hospital. I was hugging Yanna habang sinusubukan kong pakalmahin at pahintuin siya sa pangangatog. Pero sa halip na huminto ay mas lalo siyang nangatog kaya mas lalo akong naiyak.
"Yanna," I cried while kissing her head.
//
We're waiting outside the Emergency Room. Nakapikit lang ako all the time. It if's just a dream, paki-usap lang... please please wake me up! Patuloy lang ako sa paghikbi when I felt a pair of hands around me. I opened my eyes and my cry became weep nang makita ko si Vice.
"Vice, si Yanna..." I uttered between my sobs. "Ayokong mawala si Yanna,"
"Ma, hindi mawawala si Yanna. Hindi ko hahayaang mabawasan tayo," he murmured on my ears.
I buried my face on his chest. Halos kapusin ako ng hininga dahil sa sobrang pag-iyak. By the thought that my daughter is inside the Emergency Room fighting to prolong her life makes me feel weak. Wala manlang akong magawa para matulungan siya.
"Parents of Yanna Marie Viceral,"
We both stood up to face Yanna's doctor. He removed his face mask and smiled sadly. It honestly made me feel nervous.
"Yung unang seizure na nangyari kay Yanna when she was on her months old is called Febrile Seizure or mild stage of epilepsy..."
As the Doctor explained what Yanna had been through made my body shiever. Bigla nalang ako napaupo sa isang tabi at agad naman akong inalalayan ni Vice. He was rubbing my back to calm me down pero sadyang hindi ko.kayang tanggapin na nagsuffer sa epilepsy ang dalawang taong gulang kong anak.
"As we made a lot of tests since the first time of her seizure, nalaman namin na she's suffering from Myoclonic Epilepsy of Infancy." the doctor added.
"Panong epilepsy? Doc masiyado pa namang bata yung anak ko para atakihin," Vice defended. Hindi ko magawang magsalita.
"Well this kind of Epilepsy honestly attacks babies from five months old to three years old," the Doctor explained.
Natanggal ang pagkakahawak ko sa kamay ni Vice and covered my face with my two hands. Ano bang kasalanan ko kung bakit nararanasan ko 'to? If I made a mistake from the past, bakit hindi ako ang parusahan? Bakit si Yanna pa?
"A-ano pong gamot sa sakit ng anak ko?" buong tapang na tanong ng asawa ko while trying to get my hands.
"Sorry Mr. Viceral but, Myoclonic Epilepsy has no cure as of now..."
