Just a Game {Everlark}

Chapter 16

A/N : heads up, this chapter may contain some language and potentially triggering stuff. Apologies if you are affected by this.
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One week of harsh negotiations (and some heavy drinking) later, Peeta and I are packing our things in the penthouse.
Silence sits between us as we do so, Peeta neatly folding his things while I just throw mine in to the small suitcase I brought. I can see his hands shaking but decide not to say anything.
My brain feels as though it's melting, the pain serving as an unwelcome reminder to the hangover ebbing through my very existence.
The tributes 'commemoration' display has not lit the large building in the square since our outburst last week, a feeble peace-offering of sorts. I know we made no difference. It will most likely be booted up once more the moment we leave. After all, it's the only way the Capitol can live with themselves, knowing the whole country knows they regret everything.
Sure, why shouldn't 75 years of slaughter be fixed by pictures on a wall?

A curt knock draws our eyes toward the dark wooden door.
Peeta meets my eyes and crosses the room, twisting the door knob to reveal Johanna standing in our doorway, thumbs stuck in her front pockets.
"What's up?" Peeta asks weakly. I can tell he's not up to much today.
"Well." Johanna invites herself in to our apartment, striding confidently across the wooden floor and throwing herself down on our white leather sofa.
"Hasn't this just been the most painful week?" She says it lightly, but rubs her eyes tiredly as she does it. I notice a blue streak cutting through her short, dark hair.
"It's over now. Finally." Peeta replies, zipping his suitcase. His jaw is set and I can tell it's taking all he has to keep it together.
"I don't know why I'm here." Johanna said suddenly, after a pause. "To be honest, since the war, I don't know why I do anything." The statement is so seemingly random that it takes both Peeta and I aback. She pushed herself up off the couch.
"I'm sorry. The doctor I'm seeing says I have to tell people shit. Be more open. I'm the most open person I know. Maybe that's my problem." She muses casually, but I can see the way her eyes are darting around the room anxiously, the way she's fidgeting more than usual. "I should go." She decides, meeting both of our eyes before heading back across to the door.
"Johanna." I find myself saying, catching her arm on her way to the door.
She looks down at my hand on her arm, and then at me, directly in the eyes.
She chews down on her lip, not breaking eye contact. It looks as though she's battling with herself on telling us something.
"You don't need to tell us, but you should." I finish, releasing her arm and scanning her face.
Johanna exhales.
"I've recently been diagnosed with depression. Postnatal." She finally says, her voice low, eyes fastened to the ground. I might have spoken, had she not shook her head and laughed humourlessly at the floor.
"I don't see how that could be, having never given birth to the blasted thing." She looks out the window to her right, her eyes misting.

I take a shallow breath, look to Peeta, like I always do in situations like this.
Peeta, who always knows what to say.
Lost for words.
I open my mouth, but Johanna turns her head sharply and meets my eyes again, her own full of angry tears.

"It's okay. Nobody else I've told knew what to say either. And to be honest, I wouldn't even be able to tell you what to say. My baby is dead. That's all there is." I can tell she's trying very hard not to sob.

An influx of emotion fills me, head to toe. Sadness. Anger. Pity.
More than anything, guilt.

"I'm so sorry, Johanna. I didn't even know you were-" I begin, but Johanna only smiles sadly in interruption.
"We haven't exactly been in contact. I fell back from everyone when I got pregnant. When I met Skye." I'm not sure if she notices, but she's rubbing slow circles on her stomach.
I scan my mind for the name. Skye. Unfamiliar. Foreign. But the misty look in Johanna's eyes foretells importance.
"I met him ten months ago, in Two. At first I wasn't keen. I guessed he was with them, you know? The other side. But no. He had tattoos and coloured hair and I pretty much fell on the first day.
"We were together for six months when he proposed. It was casual and intimate, just the two of us at home with a candy ring, but I cried and I said yes. We married in secret. We did the toasting thing, from Twelve? To honour Finnick." A faint smile tugs at her lips.
"Then I got pregnant. We were so excited. He painted the nursery bright green, with trees and flowers. I didn't want my baby to fear the woods like everyone else who remembers the Games." She flinched, but continued.
"Then, like that, gone." She almost laughed again, but a tear was racing down her cheek. "My baby, dead. Something about my past, in the games. Damaged my insides, I don't know. The poor thing was only four months old." She clenched her teeth together tightly.

I hadn't known she had met someone. Johanna has a bisexual history, and anyone who knew her knew she had no desire to settle down. Skye must be some guy to have changed that.
"Are you and Skye still together?" I hazard a question, after a moment of uncomfortable silence.
"Yes. He's back in seven now, we live there. I thought maybe he'd leave after we lost the baby. Skye really wants a family." Her voice catches on the last word, and by the tremble in her lip I can tell she does too.

Peeta, whom had remained stoic this entire time, crossed the room and simply wrapped his arms around Johanna.
And in that moment, I saw two things.
Peeta, who always knew what to say, using no words, and Johanna, usually so guarded, sobbing silently on his shoulder.

No words could've spoken the volumes that Peeta's actions did.

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HEY
IM BACK!
I missed Just A Game! It's good to be posting again.
So..plot twist I guess? What do you guys think of this character development in Johanna? Let me know!
Please comment, vote and share! We've gotten so many reads in the last few months and I'm so grateful for that, I love writing this! <3

Love always,
-Jocelyn x