𝕊𝕥𝕒𝕣𝕝𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥 𓆩⟡𓆪 𝕏𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕟 ℝ𝕚𝕠𝕣𝕤𝕠𝕟

「 ✦ 0.06 ✦ 」

"But, I wanted to come when I knew who was here." I say ignoring his comment. I hate how vulnerable I feel with him. He looks at me in confusion and I scoff at how clueless he can be sometimes.

"Who?"

"You. I wanted to see you." I say softly and he stares at me shocked, but takes a step forward. I fight the urge to run away, hating how my father made me this way. Xaden stops so close to me and raises his hand slightly, making me flinch out of instinct. He stops his hand mid air in shock. I see a wave of hurt cross his face and I wince, hating that I hurt him. "Sorry."

He slowly rests his hand on my cheek, careful to not be quick with his movements as he does. I let out a breath, having missed the feeling of his hands on my face or touching me in general. It has been too long and I hate that.

"He can't hurt you anymore." He says softly, looking into my eyes softly. His comment makes me slump my shoulders, not realizing how tense they were. My father can hurt me wherever I am, if he really wanted to. I shake my head slightly, searching his eyes for any lies and I find none. A small part of me believes that my father can't hurt me anymore and I'm hopeful that it's true. "You don't have be afraid of me. I would never do anything to hurt you."

"I know." I whisper, resting my hand on top of his wanting to stay like this forever. There's no doubt in my mind that Xaden would ever hurt me, he has always been so gentle with me. My father's constant strikes to tear me down mentally and physically was taking a toll on me. I try to shut out my father as much as I can, but the insecurities that have formed because of him remains buried in my bones.

"I hate that you joined the Riders Quadrant." He whispers, stepping closer to me and I can feel his chest brush against mine. "But, I'm happy to see you. I missed you, Ferocious."

I smile widely at the nickname that I haven't heard in a long time. Only he can call me that and I love that. He only calls me that, because of how protective I am with my friends when other people try to harm them in any way. He witnessed that firsthand, when we were kids.

"I missed you too." I say, savoring this moment we have alone without prying eyes around. Not that I cared if people saw, Xaden was my oldest friend and that was nothing to be ashamed of. I drink in his features slowly, not knowing when I would be this close to him again and want to take my time. My gaze falters at the scar that adorned his face, a diagonal scar bisects his left eyebrow and ends at the top corner of his cheek. So many questions flash through my mind at what had caused this beautifully tragic scar on his face, but I know in this moment, it was not the right time to ask him about it. Too many bad memories would surface, I can feel it. "What were you and your friends doing when I came out?"

"Just talking." Xaden says, but I can see how tense his shoulders are. He's lying. I step out of the comfort I felt being near him and cross my arms, sighing. His arms drop to his sides, his eyebrows furrowing, noticing the distance.

"You can trust me. It may have been 4 years, but i'm still the same girl who cleaned your wounds." I say, hating that even after all of these years we have known each other, he can't bring himself to fully trust me. It makes sense, after everything that has happened to him in the past. I just wish he would realize that I'm in his corner, always ready to defend him. Even against my father.

"I know. It's hard for me to trust people."

"What can I do to prove that I am worthy of your trust?"

He lifts his shoulders in a shrug, not sure himself and I feel my own posture tense at that.

"If you won't at least try to let me in, then how do I prove my commitment to you and the rest of the 107?" I mutter, loud enough for him to hear me and he nods understanding. We stand there in silence and I wait for Xaden to say something. Anything. But it never comes and I feel hope dwindling knowing I won't ever be able to get past his hard exterior if he doesn't want me to. I walk up to him and rest my hand on his shoulder slightly, meeting his conflicted gaze.

"You have to lower some of those wall, so I can stand a chance at jumping over them" I say softly, before squeezing his shoulder and brushing past him. I don't wait for his response, that I know will never come, and head straight back to the dorms. 

After that conversation, I felt like I could sleep for days and I intended to at least sleep a few more hours before I needed to be up. 

As I go to slip around the corner, I glance over my shoulder at Xaden's silhouette in the distance. I watch as his shoulders slump in defeat and I fight the urge to run over and comfort him like i've done many times in the past. 

This time, he needs to comfort himself. I let out a sigh and brush around the corner, without looking back.  I quickly make my way back to my bunk, slipping soundlessly under the covers without waking anyone up. 

I try to get a few more hours of sleep, before we had to be at formation at dawn. Before I could fully close my eyes, I felt a shiver running down my spine. 

Someone was watching me. 

I sit up quickly, glancing around the dark room holding my breath. I scan for any signs of movement or sound near me, but came up empty. I furrow my brows together. I thought someone was watching me. 

I scan the room one more time and lay back down when I could sense no one. I roll on my side, facing the wall, sighing. 

I was really losing it.