Nari's Song

The Fragile Faultline

I threw the phone onto the bed and stared at the wall, the weight of it all pressing down on me. The tension, the hurt, the betrayal—it was like a storm I couldn't escape. And yet, somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I'd have to face it. All of it. Soon.

When the phone rang again, it was Kenji. My breath hitched, and for a moment, I debated letting it ring. But I knew I couldn't avoid this forever. Reluctantly, I answered.

"Yes," I said, my voice flat, betraying none of the chaos in my chest.

"Nari," Kenji's voice was firm but tinged with concern. "What's going on? Why did you run off like that? You know Ella and I were worried sick about you."

The words "Ella and I" sliced through me like a blade. There it was again, their names woven together like they belonged that way.

I swallowed hard. "First of all, Kenji, let me make this clear. I have no intention—absolutely no intention—of starting anything with you." My voice was steady, louder than I expected, as if saying it with force might make it hurt less.

There was a pause, long enough for my heart to hammer against my ribs.

"Why, Nari?" His voice softened, almost pleading. "I thought... I thought you liked me. Did I do something wrong? I don't understand."

Wrong? He hadn't done anything wrong—except for the fact that my best friend had fallen hopelessly in love with him.

"No, Kenji," I began, struggling to keep my tone even. "I mean... we're friends. I like you as a friend."

A blatant lie. The words tasted bitter on my tongue.

"You really expect me to believe that?" His voice rose, not in anger but disbelief. "I know there's something between us, Nari. You can't tell me you see me as just a friend."

Oh, but I could. I had to. For Ella. Anything for Ella.

"Don't," I snapped, cutting him off. "Just stop. Let me be honest with you." I took a shaky breath, bracing myself. "I'm looking for a Korean man. Someone who shares my culture, someone I can build a future with. I'm turning 29, Kenji—almost 30. I don't have time to waste dating someone with no future in mind. And besides..." My voice cracked, but I forced myself to continue. "My best friend is in love with you. I would never—never ever—let a man come between Ella and me."

The silence on the other end was deafening. My hand tightened around the phone as I stared at the ceiling, willing myself to keep breathing.

"Hello?" I finally whispered.

"Yes, I'm here," he murmured, so soft I barely caught it. "I get it. I totally get it." There was a pause, then his next words came out like a gust of wind, unexpected and disarming. "Do you want me to date Ella? Because I would. If that's what you want."

My stomach churned. Was I hearing this right?

"No, Kenji," I said, each word heavy and deliberate. "I don't want you to date her because I want you to. I want you to stay away from us."

The ache in my chest was unbearable, but I pushed through it. "Stay away from us."

The words hung in the air, each syllable laced with pain. I was unraveling, but I refused to let him hear it.

For Ella, I reminded myself. For Ella.

After a few moments of silence, his voice came through the phone, soft but final.

"Goodbye, Nari."

And then, nothing.

The silence was deafening, heavier than I thought silence could ever be. My hand dropped to my side, the phone slipping from my grasp and landing on the bed. And then the tears came.

They fell, slowly at first, but soon they cascaded down my cheeks. I cried. I cried hard, harder than I thought possible for someone I'd only met twice. But this wasn't just about him—this was about Ella.

Ella, who didn't even know what was happening. Ella, who had been so happy tonight, glowing with hope and excitement, believing she had found the man of her dreams. A man who had written her a song. A man she had been waiting for her entire life.

And because of me, I ruined it.

I buried my face in my hands, the weight of it all pressing down on me. Am I supposed to tell Kenji to go ahead, to date Ella? I can't. I can't do that to her. Not when I know she wasn't the one he desired.

Ella deserves someone who loves her completely, someone who cherishes her for everything she is. Someone who doesn't see her as a second choice. She deserves the kind of love she's always dreamed of.

In our world—Ella's and mine—we don't lie to each other. We don't hide secrets. There has always been trust, unshakable and unbroken. But now...

Should I tell her the truth? Should I tell her that the man she's falling for isn't looking at her but at me?

No. I can't. Because there's no point. I will never be with him. Kenji isn't even on my agenda—he's not part of my story. Telling her would only hurt her, and for what? To clear my conscience?

I can't take away her happiness. I won't. Ella's joy, her lightness, her carefree spirit—that's what makes her her. And I will protect that. I will protect her from the truth, from the pain, from everything that could dim her shine.

This is my burden to bear, not hers.

When I woke up, the sunlight was seeping through the curtains, soft but persistent, casting long streaks of light across the room.

What time was it? I had no idea. Did I even sleep? My body felt heavy, my mind clouded. Somewhere in the haze of the night, I must have drifted off.

And then I remembered. The dream.

Ella.

She was standing before me, her face twisted with anger and betrayal. Her words cut deep, sharper than any blade. "I hate you, Nari. I never want to see you again."

I jolted upright, gasping for air. Even now, the memory of her voice sent a cold shiver down my spine. The fear clung to me, suffocating.

I couldn't imagine my life without her. Ella was my rock, my constant, the one person who had always been there for me. We'd been through everything together—the good, the bad, and the unbearable.

"Hoes before Poles."

That had always been our mantra, a sacred promise to never let anyone—or anything—come between us. I had sworn it to her, and I meant it.

I would never, ever betray my best friend.

But as I sat there, staring at the soft golden light spilling into the room, doubt crept in. Would she still believe in that promise if she knew the truth? Would she forgive me if she knew what had happened last night?

My chest tightened, and I pressed my hands over my face, trying to will away the ache. No. She could never know. I wouldn't let that happen.

I had to protect her. Even if it meant carrying this weight alone.

Oh, Tae, Where are you?  I'm looking for you. Oh, Tae. Where are you? I'm searching for you, reaching out into the silence. Do you even know how much I need you right now?