overflow

(i) always from you

why am i so dependent?
why do i want to make me suffer,
i thought it was the end
but i'm not stronger enough now.

why is it a contest
to prove to the love of my life
i am not his one in return?

why do i want to make him understand
how shitty i am?
i don't want him to leave me
but i'm scared, maybe this is what i worth,
i want to feel loved but i have never really got used to it,
my guiltiness is glued to my skin,
my dreams are banned, unfinished.

but still, i believe we'll get married at twenty-five with a dog and kittens,
my love.

i am so destroyed baby, i don't know if life is made for me, but maybe i don't have to wonder since you're in it, you make sense to me.
maybe i have to confess i need you, but you don't need me as much as i do.
i forget to breathe when i'm in the sour times, i forget how to get through it all.

maybe there is no end like those countless words. my efforts are so vain, i wish my tears could be fake. but you're the one who calls me beautiful as if it was my name.

you tell me i'm pretty and you let me wear your clothes. you're the sweetest angel here, how can i feel like a monster inside? and i can't let you help me, i just crawl back on the ground, in my nightgown; my love even if i know i'll be your bride, i don't know how to be my own before our wedding. i need to love myself but i don't know how to do it anymore. i've lost all my landmarks, and i know you cry when i send you a poem i wrote about you, but still, i don't deserve it. fuck it.

maybe i prefer when you're fucking your future wife, when you make her moan in your sheets, her nails against your back and her breath in your ear, maybe i prefer 'cause you show her how bad you love her, how come she's able to forget that quickly? she seems to need a little reminder everytime, and, my love, it's always from you.