Tris Is Alive

Chapter 2

Tobias POV

I still can't believe it. Tris is gone. Christina just keeps crying while Cara is trying to console her. Everything is happening so quickly, I don't know what to do anymore. Tris can't be gone, she just can't be. I love her. She is my rock, my world. What's going to kill me is that I didn't tell her how much she meant to me, I didn't appreciate her like I should have... now it's too late.

We start walking, I don't know where were going. Cara leads the way while I me and Christina follow behind. All I can think about the first time I saw her, when she hit the net. At first all I saw was a gray blur. She hit the net and laid there for a little bit then I grabbed her hand. It was warm, like there was an electricity current between our hands. Once she got to the ground I realized she was short and thin, a regular Abnegation. Except she wasn't just any regular Abnegation girl, she jumped first. She was brave and strong. Her eyes were so stern, so insistent, and so beautiful.

Then I realized that wasn't the first time I saw Tris Prior. I saw her in school walking the hallways, walking outside with her family, also at my mother's false funeral. I saw her many times before she came to Dauntless. I saw her, we all saw her, but in truth no one saw her. You couldn't see how much of a brave and powerful woman she was with Abnegation gray on her. No one truly saw her until the day she jumped and became Dauntless. I suppose a fire that burns that bright is not meant to last.

I think of initiation, I was so worried that she wouldn't make it through. Even though she was brave, according to the new rules she had to be tough too. I couldn't see her get hurt, it would tear me up inside just watching. I remember trying not to pay attention to her, but I couldn't help it. It was like a magnetic force pulling me towards her. She tried so hard to improve, she wouldn't quit until she got results. Eric started to catch on so he started making things harder for Tris, but I knew she could take it and rise to occasion.

During my fear landscape, she was the one that made me be brave. None of my fears were that bad anymore when Tris was with me. I knew no matter what happened, we were a team and would make it through. She stood up to my father when I couldn't. She didn't judge me or pity me for the things I've went through. She made it all easier. Except my biggest fear, even bigger than Marcus, was her dying and I couldn't help her. My fear has become my reality.

All of a sudden I hear, "TOBIAS!!!! WHERE ARE YOU????" Tris. I know it's her voice but where is she. I jerk my head up and look around, trying to listen in closely if I hear it again. I look over at Christina who's still crying, she must not have heard it. Cara is walking regularly too, so it must have been in my head. I look back down, feeling defeated. The love of my life is dead, I never would have left her side if I knew there was a chance she would be hurt. None of this seems real, I feel like I'll see her and she'll be smiling her beautiful smile.

Sometime after that we arrive at the morgue. I don't know how long it's been but the walk felt like eternity. Everything just a blur, like it was a dream or something. I stop at the entrance, I don't know if I can go in. I don't fully believe this yet, and I know after this everything will become more real for me. Christina places a hand on my shoulder, I shake it off just as fast as she put it on me. I don't want anyone to touch me right now, I just want to be alone with Tris. We walk in, and I see Tris on a table. She looks like she's sleeping, that I can just call out her name and she'll wake up. Everything could go back to normal.

I slowly touch her hand, it's cold and stiff. Christina loses it again and starts crying. I hold Tris's hand hard, thinking if I hold just hard enough I'll feel her heartbeat again. I look down at her, she looks like she's in peace now. I feel everything go out of me and I fall to my knees. I hold Tris in my arms and I start to cry, or I feel like I want to. I just want one more... one more kiss, one more word, one more glance, one more. Christina and Cara leave the room so I can be alone. I kiss her and say that I need her to come back to me, that I love her, I always loved her. She can't leave me now, she just can't. I cry harder, I scream her name, trying to wake her up. I hold her in my arms crying.