Every Version of Us

Chapter Twenty-Three

The house feels eerily quiet now that Riley has gone, and even though Felix has technically been alone all week playing The Midnight Garden, it's different now. It's ruined. Every inch of the place feels like it's missing something, like by her very presence, Riley filled up the room.

He fucked up.

He knew she was leaving him the moment he saw Riley's face fall, and he doesn't blame her. He's been promising her a life he can't give her, because he has no idea what he's doing. Trudging through every day with no passion isn't the answer. Living a lifestyle just for Riley isn't enough.

Even if he managed to get his job back, or a new job in a similar space, they would just cycle back here again and again. Even though it hurts, he knows this has actually been a wakeup call, showcasing just how unhappy he's been. Because when Lucy fired him, there was a tiny bit of relief floating in his chest.

He doesn't want to live like that anymore. He wants to do work that inspires him, that makes him excited to get up in the morning. He wants to have energy left over at the end of the day to take his wife on dates or even just watch crappy reality TV with her instead of retreating to his basement to numb himself until bedtime.

He's not ready to give up on her, but he knows they need to do this part of the journey separately. She needs to figure out what she wants, too, and he doesn't want to pressure her into staying with him because it's easier. He wants her to love him again, like she used to. He wants to feel like The Midnight Garden makes him feel.

He wakes up early and cleans the house, trying to ignore the pangs of pain coursing through him at every corner. He gets rid of the boxes that have been piling up in the basement that he's been promising to dump for months. He folds his clothes and puts them away. These are all things he used to do, but that slipped away from him over the years as he fell into complacency.

Felix can't be complacent anymore. Not if he wants to get Riley back.

He calls the office for Andromeda Tech, the company that made The Midnight Garden, and schedules an interview. He spends hours perfecting his portfolio, pulling out all the scraps of games he's created over the years but never finished. He finds his suit and has it dry-cleaned.

By some miracle, Andromeda calls him back to schedule an interview. He wants to tell Riley about it so badly, but she's been staying at her sister's and he doesn't want to bother her. He wonders if she thinks about him, or if her life is already so much easier without his dead weight.

A small part of him is terrified that Riley will move on from him. That she'll meet someone new, maybe a doctor like Henry who can give her the lifestyle she's always wanted. He has to push these thoughts away most nights, instead trying to reroute his brain to think of the day when he'll be the man he's promised her. When he can show her he's changed.

The morning of the interview, his stomach burns like it's filled with acid. He feels like every moment in his life has led to this. His one shot with Andromeda. The salary alone is more money than he's ever made before, but the job will also be that much more intense. He'll be working around the clock, but he'll be doing something he cares about, and that's what matters.

He heads to Andromeda headquarters an hour early, just in case. He sits in the lobby, embarrassed for being there with so much time to spare. He tells the young woman sitting at reception the truth, because he can't think of another excuse for why he would be an entire hour early.

"That's cool, I get it. You can just hang out here and I'll call you in when they're ready," she says with a kind smile.

As he looks around at the bright lobby with its bustling workers and video game posters on the walls, he somehow already feels like he works here. He feels like he belongs.