Every Version of Us

Chapter Four

Riley feels like every messy point in her life has been drawn together for this moment. Every failure, every mistake was designed to lead her to Felix, to lead her to this idea. She cares less about whether turning the dial of the Match-o-Matic results in true love because the inspiration is so much more important. Together, they're going to change the world.

After talking about the idea frenetically on Felix's couch, they decide to move to the small patio outside his loft-style apartment. There's a lumpy old sofa and string lights hung up around the perimeter. The soft glow illuminates in reflections on her beer can as she leans forward, concepts and forms appearing in her brain like wildfire.

"So, basically that's how the device reads the brainwaves, and then it's a simple matter of inputting those signals to any other device, like the input of your gaming engine, and then when the player thinks of walking, that would trigger the camera to move forward," she explains.

Felix has been staring at her with a slightly blank expression every time she gets into the technology, but she thinks he's getting it. At least, he's trusting that she knows what she's talking about. "So it's kind of like a tiara of sorts, or a crown," he says.

She nods. "I've been calling it the halo, though there might be some licensing issues there," she says. "We'll figure out what to call it at some point. Man, I've gotta tell you, I'm really happy I invested those fifty cents," she tells him.

He smiles, and even though she doesn't want to admit it, it makes her feel warm and bubbly inside, like the approval she's been seeking her entire life has been right here on his angular face. She doesn't know how to process it. Maybe it's just the dopamine rush. Maybe it's the beer. Maybe it's nothing at all.

"So, what do we do next? How much money does something like this cost?" he asks tentatively. Riley gets the sense he's not asking his real question, which is how the hell do we afford this?

"That's where I come in, so you don't have to worry about any of that, I've got it covered," she replies, hoping that assurance will be enough and she won't have to talk about why. There are some things that don't need to be shared just yet. Or even ever. "After the initial funding, we would need to spend a couple of months developing it, testing it, and then once it's ready, we're off to the races. I'm serious, Felix, I really think this could change the rest of our lives," she tells him.

He sighs, and there's a moment of uncertainty that sends her gut plummeting. This is a lot to ask of someone she's just met. He's probably wondering if he walked into some kind of scam, if he should actually trust her with all of this, but then he nods, and her anxiety spiral dissipates. There's that smile again. There's that rush of endorphins covering her up in layers of cotton candy. "If you asked me this morning what would have happened today, this wouldn't have even been on my radar," he says finally.

She laughs and takes another sip of her beer. "I'm glad, though. If I'm being honest, I've been dealing with a lot of self-doubt lately, but this... This makes me feel like everything has been worth it. All the years of failure, of things not going my way. Because at some point, I keep telling myself, things need to work out, right?" she asks. It's not really a question. She's been one catastrophe away from losing all hope that she'll ever be happy in this life, and she can't really articulate just how badly she needs this.

"Everything is going to be okay, Riley," he says, as though he's read her mind. She feels the tension in her shoulders slowly begin to fade. Maybe she isn't alone in this, after all. Maybe she could let someone in, share the pressure and the weight of it all.

"I don't want to be a colossal fuck-up anymore," she tells him quietly. She's never bared her soul like this for someone else, and it's terrifying. She feels like she's sliced her chest open to let him peer inside.