Theatre Kids

Chapter 6

In December, the show had quite an empty theatre due to a blizzard, so we refunded the five people sitting in the audience and hung out backstage.

"Don't you think that outfit is a little tight?" Matt asked and gave a side glance to my stomach. I stared and I saw a muffin top forming over the sash at my waist. I threw a sagging tilt of my mouth at my waist and sucked in a little. "See? That's how it used to fit. Costumes, well, Alannah, they don't shrink. People grow."

"Yeah," I whispered. Then, louder, I said, "Yes, I , I uh, I suppose you're right, Matt."

"Christmas cookies, ey?" he chuckled and I let a faint sigh make a noise to sound like a laugh. "I'm going to go study with Henry. Christmas finals and all." He walked away and I continued to stare at my muffin top.

"What's up?" Ivy asked and placed her chin on my shoulder.

"Oh, nothing, just getting a little bent outta shape with all this holiday jazz." I looked up to her and she popped her chin away. "Hey, you up for going to the gym tomorrow?"

Ivy frowned. "The gym? You hate working out during the winter. And if you're under stress already, you shouldn't bite off more than you can chew and-"

"You know what? Whatever. I'll go by myself."

"No, Al, I-"

"No, please, keep it to yourself," I snapped and walked away from her. My anger led me to not pay attention to my foot path and I accidentally walked right into Sean. "Oh. Sean."

We hadn't talked in forever and it broke my heart whenever I had to speak to him. I couldn't help wondering how things would've played out if I'd never dated Matt. Sean loathed Matt, and subsequentally, began to loathe me. I missed being his best friend and singing in his car and laughing at his dumb jokes and resting my head on his shoulder at long rehearsals.

"Alannah," he finally replied. It wasn't rude or cruel, but it was most certainly cold. I saw a flash of our future and knew that we could never be the same again. I choked back tears. 

"Sean, can we... Can we go get some food?"

"I don't think that'd be a good idea, Alannah."

"Sean, I-"

He pulled me aside into the corridor. "Alannah, I've been trying to talk to you for months. And I couldn't find any of the words to say it. You know why? Because there is nothing to say. You've chosen what you've chosen."

The tears I'd tried so hard to contain spilled over my waterline. "I never wanted us to stop being friends."

"Jesus Christ, Alannah, we were never friends! Didn't you ever realize? How blind could you have been to not see that we were so much more than two ole chums hanging out? You fucked me up so bad, Alannah. And we're never, EVER, going to be able to be 'friends'," he drew air quotes with his fingers, "again. And I miss you. Oh my God, I miss you. But, it's just not my place to miss you. And I'm so so so sorry that it never worked out. And I'm so so so sorry that you are just now realizing all of this. But there's literally nothing I can do about this. So, how about you dry your tears and we walk out of here with fake smiles and say you forgot your phone or some bullshit."

I looked into his eyes and felt the most guilt that I'd ever known. He looked defeated and angry and tired. I imagined him going home and thinking of texting me instead of Lauryn. I swallowed hard. I wanted to blurt out apologies but I knew he would just get even angrier. All I could do was nod and wipe my tears off of my face.

We walked out together and were greeted by Tyler. "Where were you guys?" He asked nonchalantly. Nobody had expected anything, thank God, but I stil knew Matt was going to be pissed.

"I was in the bathroom and Alannah had forgotten her phone," Sean lied so cooly that I almost believed him. I missed believing him.

"Yeah, I've got it now. Uh, I think I'm gonna head out."

"Me too," Sean said dryly.

"Lana, weren't I going to give you a ride?" Tyler asked.

"Ah, shit." I kicked myself for never learning to drive.

"Why can't Sean give her a ride?" Ivy asked. Everyone shrugged their agreements. 

"Can you take my precious cargo?" Tyler joked.

"Yeah, sure," Sean said. If anyone else had seen his face in that moment, they wouldn't have detected his frown. But I did. "Let's go."