The Boxer {h.s.}

Chapter Thirty-One

Me: I don't hate you. I hate what you did.

Harry: Me too.

Me: Im gonna go to sleep

Harry: Night x

I close my eyes trying to forget everything. My life was so simple just a few weeks ago. Now I feel like I have been hit by a train.

Maybe Harry shouldn't come over? I don't know if I can deal with that pain on top of my mother. This is all to much for me. Harry could make this time easier for me and help me. Then I will just have to face reality again in the fact that he doesn't and won't love me.

Tears are rolling down the side of my face falling on the pillow under me. For the first time since I was 16, I cry myself to sleep hoping I don't wake up.

-

My head hurts from crying and the lack of sleep I got last night. Memories from yesterday flood into my head making my chest tighten. My body is physically in pain from everything happening. I don't think I have anymore tears until fresh ones fall down my face. I get up going to my closet changing into sweats and hoodie. I'm not leaving the house today.

My eyebrows furrow when I smell coffee already brewing. Harry is standing in my kitchen looking down at his phone. I go over to my cabinet above the sink and get some medicine for my headache.

Why don't they have a pill for emotional pain?

"Morning" he says lightly noticing me.
"Morning" I mumble and quickly take the pills.

My mom had to take so many pills.

"How are you?" I ignore his question grabbing my cup of coffee and sitting on the counter. I shrug taking a drink.
"How did you sleep?" I slept like shit and I feel like I could die right now.

"Fine" I mumble instead of doing my first answer. I wonder how he has been sleeping without me? Have his nightmares returned?

"Are you hungry?" I shake my head no sitting my coffee cup down.

"Thanks...for like coming over." I pull my hair back into a small ponytail.

"Of course" Harry's eyes fall down to my neck his eyes landing on the necklace he gave me for Christmas. That seems like such a long time ago. So much has changed since then. I haven't taken it off, besides showering, since he gave it to me. It reminds me of happy and good times. I bring the diamond between my fingers running it back and forth against the chain.

"How are you doing?" He asks fiddling with his thumbs.

"This sucks." I purse my lips trying to hold back the tears welling in my eyes for the second time already today.

Harry's eyes staring into mine make me completely overwhelmed. I look away from him.

I don't know what happens, but a whole rush of emotions go through me and I break. I have tried to not get to this point. To never feel this awful again, but here I am feeling so... destroyed.

Harry's arms around me holding me into his chest makes me cry harder.

"It hurts. Its hurt so bad, Harry." I cry clinging on to him. My fingers digging into his black shirt. He pulls me closer holding my shaking body.

"I'm so sorry, Ave" Harry sounds like he is physically in pain. I don't want to cause him pain no matter how much he has put me in.

How did we get to this point? Harry not being in my life, but still being such a big part. My mother passing without warning. Harry comforting me.

"I just want this pain to go away." I cry against his neck. He doesn't respond just holds me tighter.

-

"I'm sorry, Ava! I love you so fucking much but you shouldn't have invited him over! You are at a weak state and you don't need him making any influence on you right now." Eric has been fuming since he got here. I don't blame him. After Harry left I just sort of regretted inviting him over. Not in the way that I don't want to be with him and I don't love him. I just do not need any extra pain right now.

"I get it Eric! Okay I fucked up! Please just sit down and watch this shitty movie with me." I snap at him slightly before controlling myself toward the end.

"Don't see him again until you are okay." Eric puts his arm around pulling me into his side. I close my eyes so I don't burst into tears just from his simple action and how protective he is over me.

"I won't"

A/n omg okay literally 18.9k reads 900+ votes 550+ comments!! I love you guys!! Thank you so much. Harry might not be in the next few chapters but im so sad about Ava's mom. Anywayyyyy Ava is gonna get pretty fucked up so prepare. (Love you lilyyyyyy)

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