i'm sorry, mom.

why do we hide?

All this pain, we just hide it... Why don't we speak? You are my mother and I am your daughter, please don't hide, don't keep your secrets from me. 

I'm willing to speak my truth, but it should not be one-sided, I want to hear your voice. You'll keep rooting in pain and anguish. Your flowers will not ever grow in beauty if they keep being asphyxiated in all that weed. I know, Mother, there is a beautiful garden hidden in your heart, I have seen a glimpse of that beauty, but you have to take care of it.

Don't hide your beauty, don't hide "I love you" from me because I heard you once. Remember that time you knew I went through a breakup, I understand you saw my tears as invalid, not worthy of that guy, but I was broken. I did some crazy things, and you hurt me by calling me an "Attention whore"... You said it, just like that... It hurt, and it came from you. 

You saw me straight, straight at the eyes, you caught that silence was my soul breaking into pieces because of your words. You saw my eyes turning red, and tears just falling from my cheeks, you cried because you realized what you did, you realized you stabbed me, and the deed was done. 

You thought there was no forgiveness after that because you realized the consequences. You cried to ask forgiveness, and after a century, I heard "I love you, my daughter, forgive me". Since then I have treasured that memory because it was the only time we amended our differences, however, a lot of wounds have been made since, and haven't healed. 

Why do you resist to say "I love you"?

What if I'm gone tomorrow and you never get to say I love you, again... 

Why do you hide your love?

As a child, I never hesitated to say it... if I saw an opportunity, I said it, but you only smiled about it and hugged me. Like a way to avoid saying it. Why? 

Is it because the day I was born, you lost your dreams?

Is it because I'm not the woman you wanted me to turn to?

Is it because you never wanted me in your life? 

But please don't hide the reason, let me know so I have peace in my mind, in my heart. If you don't want me in your life, I will simply walk away, but I haven't done it because I don't want you to be alone, after all this pain, I still love you. But if your happiness requires my absence, I will do it for you. Now do something for me, let me know the reason for all these silent fights, let's end this way, Mom. 

I don't want to hide anymore, I want to set my eyes on the truth, to our truth.

Please, Mother, let's not hide anymore.