You drew stars around my scars

Surprise delivery part 2

Andrea stayed with Taylor for the first 2 days but then had to go home to resume her cancer treatment, she didn't want to leave but also knew there was no choice – she promised she would come back and visit in a week or two when she could.
Andrea had done most of the care for the baby for that 2 days, she had changed her, helped Taylor to feed her and although Taylor was so grateful for it – she felt like she hadn't been able to do anything 'her' way. Taylor didn't get a chance to listen for the baby's cues – Andrea just told her what to do every time she cried so Taylor hadn't got into the swing of parenting and was terrified when she left.

Tree popped round at lunchtime, bringing some presents for the baby, Taylor and Jessica.  Taylor answered the door, eyes red from crying. Tree noticed immediately "Hey! What's wrong?" Taylor sighed "Mum has gone and I just don't know what I'm doing! She doesn't stop crying, nothing I am doing is working!"
Tree sensed Taylor was overwhelmed, she led her over to the sofa, guiding her to sit down gently "It's been two days sweetheart – you don't need to have it figured out yet"
Taylor ran her hands down her face "but every where online it says to get her into a routine and I don't know how to!"
Tree shook her head "Do not even worry about that right now. She will sleep most of the time, when she is awake she's going to want to be fed and changed. She will be content with just being held at the moment – you can introduce some stimulation soon when she is awake more. Right now – she just needs love and you are giving her bundles of that"
Taylor nodded "Everything just hurts Tree. My entire body hurts. My boobs are really sore today and when she feeds it is actually killing me"
Tree nodded "It's day 2 – your milk is probably coming in which is always a bit sore. It's normal for a bit of discomfort when you're feeding while you get used to but it shouldn't be painful. Is she latching on properly?"
Taylor began to cry again "I don't know what is a proper latch, she just does it. How can I tell?"
Tree smiled softly "we can look next time you feed – if it carries on being a problem we will get a lactation expert in, they will help. If she is latching well she'll get a better feed and might settle slightly more. How often is she feeding?"
Taylor wiped her tears away "it feels constant, I've written it down on my notes app – look – 8 times since midnight!"
Tree pulled her in for a hug "OK, I know it feels really intense right now and it is. The first few weeks are hard Tay – most people have time to prepare but you didn't – you were thrown into this, you are doing amazingly. Have you slept at all? Had anything to eat?"
Taylor shook her head "every time I try to make something, she starts crying and I have to feed her.  I feel gross, all I want to do is shower but I can't leave her alone, she's so little!"
Tree smiled softly "OK – here is what we are going to do: I am going to make you some lunch, you can eat, then as soon as she has fed again you are going to go and have a shower. I can watch her while you do. You'll feel better if you're fresh. Then we will think about anything else you need"
Taylor nodded, blinking slowly "I don't even know why I'm crying"
Tree pulled her in for another hug "hormones and exhaustion. Totally normal!"


They went into the kitchen and Tree began to make Taylor a sandwich and a coffee, she made a mental note to go shopping as the fridge was nearly empty again. As soon as she handed the blonde her plate, the baby began to stir. Taylor groaned, about to go and get her but Tree put one hand up – stopping the blonde from moving "Stay, eat – I'll grab her"
Taylor was so grateful, she felt absolutely exhausted. She took a bite of the sandwich, realising how hungry she was. Tree walked in, snuggling the baby close "have you thought of any names yet?"
Taylor sighed "nothing fits – we keep just shouting out random ones but nothing feels right." The baby settled in Tree's arms and Taylor grumbled "why doesn't she do that for me? As soon as I pick her up, she just screams until I feed her!"
Tree smiled softly "She can probably smell your milk, plus if you're anxious – she will sense it"
As Taylor ate, they bounced around a few names but she still couldn't find one that they liked until Tree spoke up again "I thought about Emmeline but we obviously didn't use it. Is there any you have ever thought of for your future kids?" Taylor looked up at her "Emmeline is beautiful..." Tree smiled "it means brave". Taylor smiled softly, whispering it over to herself. She looked up at Tree "Emmeline"
Tree laughed loudly "I'd like it on record that technically not only did I help deliver the baby but also named her..."
Taylor grinned at her, rolling her eyes gently. She looked over at the baby, rubbing her tiny hand "Hi Emmeline"

As Taylor was finishing eating, the baby became more fussy. Taylor looked over at her, slight panic on her face "what does she want? is she hungry?" Tree smiled at her softly "what do you think?", Taylor contemplated it "I think she is...she's smacking her lips aaaand I think she's trying to find your boob"
Tree laughed lightly "yeah I think you're right, but I am no good for her. Why don't we move into the living room, onto the sofa where you are nice and relaxed and try feeding her?" Taylor nodded, taking the baby confidently – proud she had recognised the signs. She propped the baby across her stomach and tried to get her to latch on but Emmeline was just fussing. Tree moved closer "get her to open her mouth really wide, put your nipple by her nose so she will tip her head back a bit and then let her latch on with her chin against your boob – that's it! Well done!"

As the baby began to feed, Taylor's anxiety lessened "it isn't hurting anywhere near as much!" Tree smiled, "good – if you get a good latch it makes such a difference – don't be afraid to disconnect her and try again if it doesn't feel right". Taylor suddenly realised the situation, cheeks red "who'd have thought a week ago that I'd be sitting here with my boob out right in front of you."
Tree cackled with laughter "yeah, motherhood makes all privacy go out the window. You are doing SO well though Taylor, honestly – you are flying". Taylor nodded, rubbing the baby's head gently. "I just don't know what to do with her. I just keep watching her..."
Tree smiled "She is beautiful – you can watch her whenever you want. You just need to take time for you too – when she is sleeping you need to shower or rest – you don't have to physically watch her every second of the day. Accept help from everyone."

Taylor nodded, tears in her eyes again "thank you – thanks for all your help. It is hard – she is attached to me alllll the time and I can't do anything. It's not like anyone else can feed her and I know breastfeeding is supposed to be this magical thing but actually it's just anxiety inducing – how do I know if she is eating enough when I can't see it? It makes me feel sick thinking about her going hungry..."
Tree rubbed her shoulder "she will feed if she's hungry Tay – and breastfeeding is amazing but it's not the only option. Now your milk is coming in you could pump – then other people can help you feed her or you can switch to formula. You have to do what is best for both of you"
Taylor nodded, biting her lip "I just don't want to fail..."
Tree kissed her head "you brought a baby into this world all by yourself and you're now looking after her, without any time to process or think – you are nowhere near failing. It is hard – but you will get there. I promise"

Emmeline unlatched from Taylor who quickly covered herself back up, Tree put on hand on the baby's head "why don't you let me take her – I'll burp her and change her while you shower?" Taylor hesitated, unsure but Tree's voice was firm "She is OK. You have to take a second for yourself, you cannot obsess and stress over every single second". Taylor nodded but didn't move, Tree laughed to herself "OK – how about if we all go upstairs together, I will lay with her on your bed while you shower – literally next door to her. Would that make you feel more comfortable?"
Taylor's face visibly relaxed "yeah – it would actually. I know it feels insane-"
Tree cut her off "it's hormones. You're not insane. You will get used to leaving her to shower and sleep – right now you have had her in constant contact with you for over 2 days, it's OK to feel weird about her not being with you. Even if it is just so you can wash your hair.."

Taylor smiled at her – Tree always seemed to understand her anxieties. The redhead scooped the baby out of Taylor's arms, patting her back gently as they all walked upstairs. As Tree was about to usher Taylor off, the blonde hesitated. Tree narrowed her eyes, ready to battle the blonde but Taylor stopped "actually, since she needs to be changed away – will you help me give her a bath? I really don't know what I'm doing and I'd rather do it before I shower so I'm not rushing"
Tree smiled widely," I would love that!" They gathered all the supplies as Tree directed Taylor on what to do. They stripped the baby off and placed her in the warm water "here, pop a wet flannel over her – it'll keep her warm and stop her crying. They worked their way up, washing her toes and legs, belly and arms then moved onto her head – Emmeline screamed as they washed her hair and Taylor froze but Tree encouraged her to keep going. Soon she was clean and Taylor scooped her out, wrapping her in a warm towel.  Taylor looked back at Tree – "can you get her dressed?!" Tree reached out "you can do it"
Taylor shook her head "I don't want to hurt her!"
Tree smiled – "you won't, I promise. Here I'll show you"
Tree guided Taylor through the process – promising her over and over that the baby would not break. When she was finally dressed again, Tree picked her up gently "I'll get her to sleep - you need to shower now." There was no room for arguing in her tone so Taylor nodded and stepped away.

The soothing water running over her body really did help and when she stepped out again she felt more invigorated. She poked her head round the door, her heart melting as she saw Tree swaying with the newborn, settling her into a sleep. She quickly got dressed and tied her hair up, heading back over to the bed. She laid down next to Tree and Emmeline "She's pretty flawless, isn't she?"
Tree smiled at her "she's perfect. How has Jessica coped?"
Taylor smiled "actually really well – she has wanted to be involved, she adores her. Mealtimes have been more challenging – Mum was cooking for us but obviously I can't really eat with the munchkin attached to me so Jessica has tried to refuse too. That'll settle I'm sure though"
Tree narrowed her eyes "you do need to eat too...especially with breastfeeding – if you're not getting your nutrients then she wont either"
Taylor rolled her eyes "I am eating – just not necessarily at mealtimes. Everything is kind of off schedule" Tree nodded "yeah – you'll find your rhythm. You look exhausted – why don't you nap?" Taylor looked between Tree and the baby, the redhead smiled softly "She's asleep too, we can put her down, you can nap and I'll tidy up a bit – sort out some clean outfits for her and prep something for dinner for you both later?" Taylor tried to protest but Tree stood up, putting the baby down and closing the curtains "30 minutes and you'll feel so much better!" Taylor reluctantly gave in, letting herself drift off into a cozy sleep.

While Taylor was asleep – Tree organised all of the baby's clothes so Taylor could find them easily. She arranged a caddies with all the nappies, creams and wipes Taylor would need – placing them upstairs and downstairs so they had easy access to them.
She was just prepping the vegetables for dinner when she heard the baby screaming.
She headed upstairs to see if Taylor needed help, as she popped her head into the bedroom, Taylor was shushing the baby, swaying desperately as tears fell down her own face. Taylor noticed Tree standing in the doorway and began to cry harder "She is so unsettled again – I tried feeding her but she just screamed. She doesn't need changing. I don't know what to do!"
Tree put one hand on the baby's back and one on Taylor's arm "if she doesn't need changing and she isn't hungry – she might just need some comfort. Keep rocking her, hold her close and she will settle. Sometimes babies just cry Tay"
Although the blonde was trying to keep her composure, she was becoming overwhelmed with the loud, piercing screams. She sighed desperately "can you just take her?"
Tree shook her head "you're doing great honey, you can do it"
Taylor became frantic now "No – I can't...I just..Please Tree!"
The redhead nodded, scooping up the baby and swaying gently.
Taylor backed away, tears rolling down her cheeks. Tree reached over "you're ok. She's ok. It's all going to be ok"
Taylor shook her head, sitting down on the edge of the bed "I don't know what she needs – I don't know what I'm doing!"
Tree continued to sway, Emmeline's cries were dampening down now "You do know what you're doing Tay, you're just tired and full of hormones. You are doing great!"
As she baby began to root around again Tree sat down next to Taylor "it looks like she is hungry again – she'd just got herself worked up, now she's calm she's ready to eat. Do you want to try now?"
Taylor wiped her tears away, nodding as she reached out for the baby. Tree helped her prop herself up against the pillows – latching the baby on easily this time "great job – see, I knew you could do it!"
Taylor smiled at her sadly "I feel so guilty for not knowing what she needs – like im a bad Mum"
Tree rubbed her arm soft "you're a great Mum. It takes time. You're being way too harsh on yourself right now"
Taylor nodded, stroking the baby's hair softly as she fed "I'm terrified – Mum has left, I'm all alone with her! It's our first night together, what if she just screams the whole time?"
Tree smiled "she won't – you will find a rhythm. But do you want me to stay tonight?"
Taylor shook her head "you've already done enough – you're probably sick of us. You've definitely seen way too much of me"
Tree laughed loudly "I'm not sick of you, plus extra baby snuggles? What a dream. Why don't you let me pick Jessica up from school, we will go back to mine and grab an overnight bag then I will be back. It'll give you an hour or so alone, to bond but I can help..."
Taylor bit her lip "are you sure you don't mind?"
Tree smiled softly "I wouldn't have offered if I did. Although – I bet I'm going to have to fight Jessica for cuddles..."
Taylor rolled her eyes "oh she definitely demands them!"

Tree left a few minutes later to go and get Jessica, they stopped by the shops to get Taylor a few treats and then collected Tree's belongings.
Jessica was practically shaking with excitement to get home and see the baby again – since it wasn't public news yet, none of her friends knew so she couldn't say anything all day.
As they walked back in the house Jessica bounced over "Hi baby girl...."
Taylor smiled softly, hugging the teen close. Jessica looked down at her "you look a bit better today!"
Taylor laughed "yeah – I had a shower, I feel good. How was school?"
Jessica nodded "fine – although you REALLY have got to tell people soon because it was killing me today not being able to mention her..."
Taylor laughed "well...now we have a name and now my publicist is here...maybe we should do a post?"
Jessica and Tree's jaws both dropped, not expecting this. Tree sat down "Tay..you don't have to"
Taylor nodded "I know – but I can't hide in the house forever and I want to be the one to break the news...is it ok if we do it?"
Tree smiled widely "of course! Let's draft something now"
Jessica watched the interaction then her eyes widened "WAIT! YOU PICKED A NAME?"
Taylor giggled "I did...Emmeline"
Jessica smiled at the baby "It's perfect"
Taylor nodded "Ok – go and get changed while we work this out"
Tree stopped her "why don't you give Taylor the presents first?"
Jessica nodded enthusiastically, pulling out the gifts "we got you some new PJ's – they're SUPER soft and they're made for breastfeeding so they're easy. We got you some of that moisturiser you like. A nice, cosy blanket to wrap yourself up in. Most importantly – tons of chocolate!"
Taylor's eyes filled with tears, she kissed Jessica's head and the teen pulled away – rushing upstairs. Taylor turned towards the redhead "you didn't have to do that!"
Tree smiled "yes I did. A few treats because of how amazing you are. Now – let me snuggle her while she's content and you can choose what you want to say. I'll read it before you post it"

Tree lifted the newborn effortlessly, cuddling her in gently as Taylor found a few photos – One of Emmeline's hand, curled up. One of Taylor, Jessica and Emmeline – laying on the bed cuddled up and One of Emmeline with the rabbit Tree had gifted her.
Under the pictures Taylor wrote "Emmeline Swift, 6lbs14oz. The best surprise I have ever had.
I know there will be so many questions and so much interest (who knew cryptic pregnancy's were even a thing?!) but for right now we would appreciate you respecting our privacy while we adapt to our new normal and soak up the newborn bubble"

Taylor showed it to Tree who nodded, agreeing it was perfect. Jessica came downstairs and sat next to Tree, reaching out to touch Emmeline's cheeks. Tree smiled softly "you want her?" Jessica's face lit up "yes please!"
Tree carefully passed over the newborn, watching as Jessica stared down at her – in total awe.
Taylor took in the whole scene, her eyes brimming with tears – happy ones this time as she realised – no matter what – she would be OK.