Ikigai (Hiei x OC)

THE DOJO

Late morning in the forest was particularly peaceful, and as they approached their destination, Hiei found himself wishing that they would never arrive. The woods, and Airi within them, soothed his soul in a way nothing else ever had. He saw his past unfolding before his eyes, as he so often did, though this time it was different. The edges had lost their sharpness, and the color of the memories morphed from the darkest black into something more like sepia. It was difficult to remember the anguish of being unwanted now that he'd finally experienced the merciless joy of being loved.

Despite her best efforts to shut him out, he'd detected it the moment it shuffled into her periphery. Against all reason, she loved him. She was so afraid to tell him, it was almost comical. Her fear was based in logic, of course, as he'd never given her any inclination that he would receive it well.

He purposefully stayed away from her, worried that if they got too close they would send the mission up in flames accidentally, overcome by the strange power of their growing connection. Yusuke, who had been leading the group for hours, dropped back and hung by his side.

"Just wanted to say thanks," he murmured. "I was done for. That guy was crazy strong."

"Hn."

Any number of responses could have been appropriate after Yusuke's behavior over the past twenty-four hours, but for once in his life, he did not desire a fight. With the Spirit Detective treading steadily beside him, he closed his eyes and listened to the birdsong, bright and lyrical.

Hiei did not recognize this version of himself, and it didn't bother him in the slightest. Misery lost its appeal, and he could not remember why he'd been so dead set on ensuring his own unhappiness. Upon opening his eyes, he realized the world seemed a little brighter than it had before. He tried desperately to cling to that peace as Yusuke's voice interrupted his reverie.

"Was Airi telling the truth about killing someone... before?"

The peace left him, and he scowled at the boy for ruining it.

"You mean before I turned her into a monster."

"I didn't... she's not... yeah."

"Either find the nerve to ask her or accept that you'll never know."

"Jeez, thanks Hiei."

"Happy to help," he said, his sarcasm echoing through the woods.

An urge to protect her came over him, and he found himself spewing more words than he'd planned.

"Just know this. You will never understand what she went through. Judgment without awareness is hollow at best, and dangerous at worst. You may think yourself the barometer of goodness, due to the meaningless job Koenma deigned to assign you, but a time will come, probably soon, where you will fail to see the world in black and white." He paused, appreciating the tension in Yusuke's face. "And when it does, you'll realize you owe her an apology."

With his precious silence returned to him, Hiei closed his eyes and filtered out everything but the birds.

*******************************************************************************************

Being on the receiving end of one of Hiei's rare lectures was not something Yusuke enjoyed. He was used to seeing Kurama and Kuwabara leveled by his harsh opinions, that were usually more truthful than anyone wanted to admit, but he was typically able to avoid being the subject of them. Since that day at Maze Castle, when he'd blindly trusted the small demon, they'd had a kind of unspoken understanding. Though he would never receive confirmation of it, he'd always thought Hiei was his friend.