Escaping Darkness [Book 1 of Through Darkness and Light]

Chapter 24: All I Want To Do Is Be More Like Me

“Why were you throwing up, Harry?” Draco asked in an eerily calm voice.

Harry tried for defiance. “Why should I tell you? Does it matter? Why do you care?” he argued.

He instantly regretted his harsh tone, for hurt flickered in Draco’s eyes, before it was covered up. “One, I am your Inima, and Inimae tell each other things. Two, it matters very much so, especially since this could have devastating impacts on your health. And three, you had better tell me before I hex it out of you!”

Harry wouldn’t meet his gaze. “There’s nothing to tell.”

“Oh, I think there is. Were you forcing yourself to throw up?”

Harry’s silence told Draco that his guess was correct. “Why, Harry? Why would you make yourself throw up? You’re already too thin as it is!”

“No, I’m not! I’m fat…I don’t want to be fat…”

“Harry, that is the most ridiculous-”

“I don’t want to be fat like him!”

In an instant, Draco understood. Harry had seen the way his uncle gorged himself, and had come to the conclusion that food made one fat, and that by becoming fat, he would become his uncle. Instead of saying anything, as he had planned to, Draco simply surprised Harry by drawing him into a soothing hug.

“Why are you not lecturing me, like Hermione would?” Harry whispered, burying his face into Draco’s chest.

Draco sighed. “It wouldn’t convince you anymore than you want to be convinced,” he said. “But, Harry, listen to me.” He held Harry at arms’ length, keeping a steady gaze on Harry. “You are not fat. Far from it. In fact, you are dangerously thin. And even if you had more weight on you, it wouldn’t change the fact that you are kind, brave, and caring Harry, and my Inima. You aren’t him, and you never will be. Didn’t you once tell me that it wasn’t my fault? When I was…summoned? I tell you the same thing now. What happened in the past, happened, and you can’t change that. But you can let it go. He will never touch you again, and you will never become like him. You can’t. It isn’t in your nature.”

Harry’s eyes glistened. “I know what you’re saying makes sense but…I can’t help starving myself. I just can’t. I have this fear…this fear that one day I’ll eat too much, and wake up the next day not able to move. I just want to be me, and not have him always haunting me...and even if I don’t look like him, I won’t exactly by eye-catching enough for you. What if I get too fat for you?”

Draco snorted. “You could never get fat enough to make me leave. We’re Inimae, Harry. Inimae don’t leave each other over such petty things.”

Harry was silent for a long moment. “I don’t know if I can stop…I’m so used to eating so little…and throwing up whatever extra I didn’t need.”

“Let me help you.” Green eyes met smoldering silver ones, as Draco cupped Harry’s chin in his hand. “I’ll help you win this battle…just like you helped me win mine.” Harry nodded, and Draco kissed his forehead gently. “Now, let’s go meet our friends, okay?”

“Draco?”

“Hm?”

“You can’t tell them…” Harry’s eyes were pleading.

“You know I would never. But promise me this, Harry. Tell me these things, okay? I want to help you with the past, but I can’t if you don’t tell me…”

“Only if you tell me about whatever struggles you have…”

“Deal.”

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