I'm Just a Loser: A BigBang Fanfiction

Cry. Please.

10 Months Later...

"Babe!" I hear Seunghyun calling from the kitchen a mischievous tinge in his deep stable voice.
"Ugh," I set my eyeliner down on the desk and throw my head back in false annoyance.
"We don't have anymore coffee," he leans on the doorframe pouting.
"I'll pick some up on the way to work," I finish the wing on my right eye hoping it doesn't smudge for the fourth time this morning.
"But I won't be able to function," he pouts even worse. He was surprisingly good at it, with his huge puppy eyes he was kind of irresistible.
"Come with me then." I stand up and grab my purse.
"I'll buy us coffee before I go to the gallery," he smiles.
"You don't have to," I walk past him but am stopped by his sweet arm wrapped around me, pulling me close to him.
"If we don't leave now, we will be late," he whispers in my ear.
"You know, you are the one holding me back from leaving," I whisper back and he laughs deeply, turning me around, kissing me.
"Okay let's go," he smiles and we walk outside, my shorts and scarf complementing his long sleeve top and pants.
"It's so hot outside why are you wearing such warm clothes? I swear your entire closet is full of pants, long sleeves, scarves, socks. Seriously. Except your pajamas." I laugh at him.
"I wear short sleeves to bed because you make it so hot! Seriously your body radiates heat like crazy...even I couldn't stand that." He walks across the street to the other side, the lights and cars flashing as always.
"You are such a pervert, yet you deny every creepy thing you say, playing it off, when I really know what you are thinking, you little creep." I pinch his cheek as we pass people walking on the city sidewalks.
"I am not! You are, for thinking things like that." He laughs and I grasp his arm.
"I kind of like it though," I say laughing.
"Do you now?" He pinches my side causing me to quickly pull away.
"Ah! Don't do that!" I hit his arm playfully and he pulls me close to him.

We walk in to the coffee shop and see Evan's boyfriend making drinks and heating up pastries.
"Hey you!" I shout causing him to jump a bit and roll his eyes when he saw us walk in.
"Aish...you scared me!" He laughed, his light brown hair swept carefully over to the side and his eyes big and bright.
"How is Evan?" Seunghyhn asked, his voice buzzing through my body as his arm rested over my shoulders, sending a shiver down my spine.
"Fine," he raised his eyebrow and laughed,"perfect. Actually."
"Awe! You are so cute together!" I squeal as Seung tells him which drinks we want to order.
"Shut up," he rolls his eyes with a slight smirk as he turns around and we sit down.
Seung pulls my chair out for me and I sit. No matter where we were he was always classy like that.
"Thanks. So how is gallery going?" I ask resting my head on my hands.
"Awesome. People are buying the pieces like crazy." He smiles and takes both of my hands, folding mine carefully between his.
"You know, you can go back to YG in 2 months." I smile sadly at him. All this time, he had been getting better, I could tell that his contract cancelation was causing his depression to just be pushed father down in to his mind. He was hiding it underneath his beautiful smile. I just knew he was because so was I.
"I know. I've been counting down the days," his laugh was airy.
"I love you. You know that?" I touch his cheek with top of my hand.
"I love you too, do you know that?" His lips curl to a smile.
"Yes." I look right in to his eyes. The same ones I remember staring in to years ago on that damn street. Those eyes that I fell for the minute I saw them. They were one of the only things that haven't changed since then, besides his voice and his personality. His deep brown eyes that I cherished so very much. Those beautiful portals to a very quirky world, Choi Seunghyun's world, my perfect boyfriend's world.
His lips press against mine but before it can become anything else, I hear Hak Kun grunt from behind the counter.
"Excuse me, your drinks are ready." He waves his hands around and places his hand on his hip, annoyed.
"Coming," I say pecking Seung's lips before I go to grab them.
"Ready?" He asks me as I hand him his coffee.
"Yep," I take his free hand and we joyfully walk down the streets until we part at the intersection, him taking a right and me taking a left.
He kissed my hand, his lips sending electricity through my arm,"see you later."
I nod and walk to YG where I see Ha Neul waiting for me at the front, her head bowed, yet her lips smiling at the ground.
"Hey," I smile and nudge her shoulder.
"Hi," she responds with an even wider smile.
"I saw Hak Kun at the coffee shop today, he said Evan was doing good. I miss him," I frown at the thought that Evan wasn't an intern anymore and had gotten an actual job at YG. He still worked there but since he worked downstairs we barely saw him as much.
"Oh good. Gotta keep that little rascal out of trouble you know?" She laughs and we go up to the office, running in to the guys on our way there.
"How is hyung?"Dae asks with a sad smile, something he had been wearing quite frequently. I think he was a little lonely.
"Just fine! You guys saw him like four days ago." I smile.
"Feels like 10 months..." The panda comes out from behind the other guys frowning, his big eyes sagging.
"Come here," I hug him but feel a slight tug at my arm and look up to Ezri laughing and trying to pry me off him.
"Excuse me? That is my little panda boyfriend you have there."She says playfully as he moves from my to her arms. Recently, she had been signed as a model here and got to spend so much time with him. I loved seeing him have such a good relationship. I wasn't the least bit jealous.
"We literally haven't been able to do anything, and the album can't be finished unless he comes back,"Ji complains and Ha walks to his side,"I am not kidding. We refuse to record but YG won't let us cut the contracts. But I guess we have 2 months to try again.if he doesn't come back, we have to redesign the entire thing, all the promos. We will be even more screwed than we already fucking are."
"It will be fine baby don't worry," Ha kisses his cheek and he smiles under her touch.
"Ugh stop it," Dae rolls his eyes and sighs.
"It's okay dude," Youngbae looks at him throwing his arm over his shoulders,"I'm here."
"Thanks man, I really appreciate it."
"Bromance is so beautiful," I sigh sarcastically and wipe an invisible year from my eye.
They laugh and walk over to the studios. I hated seeing them do that, just the four of them always parting from Ha and I right in the same place. I remember when Seunghyun would walk next to them, always in the middle, laughing and joking around. I couldn't explain how much I missed him like that, it honestly broke my heart every time. He had been working at the gallery for the time until he could go back to YG, or at least attempt to.
"Let's go," Ha sighs and Ezri leaves for a shoot.
"Okay." I walk the opposite direction with her and continue through the day, longing for it to be over so I could see him.

•••

"I missed you," I kiss him as he gets in the cab next to me.
"I missed you more. I guarantee it."
"Oh really?"
"Hey when we get back could we like sit down and talk for a little bit. I really need that." He looks at me with longing eyes and his body language is screaming for help.
"Yes," I nod my head quickly, wanting to assist him in any way I possibly could.
"Okay."
We get home quickly and I sit on the couch after putting my purse on the coat rack and setting my keys on the counter. I pat the spot next to me, signaling him to sit next to me. Instead, he hugs me and makes me lay my head in his lap.
"So," I smile,"what's up?"
"So as you know, I haven't fought since I got back from LA."
"And I am super proud of you," I poke his side earning a smile and laugh from his soft lips.
"But my depression is still there."
"I know."
"I just feel like I am pushing down in to me and its going to escape in ways we both don't want it to..."
"You have to let it out slowly Seung. But never all at once," I whisper as he understands exactly what I mean.
A tear rolls down his cheek and I let it drop on to my arm.
"Just know that I will love you no matter what," I slip my ring off and give it to him as he encases it in his palm.
"You still have this?"
"Of course. Why wouldn't I?"
"I don't know..." He begins to cry more and I hold him in my arms.
"It's okay, cry. It's the first step." I kiss him lightly as his tears fall freely from his eyes.
"I just feel so numb. I'm not even sad anymore. The tears aren't even meaningful. I just feel like I am not even human anymore. There isn't a part of me that understands or wants to understand for that matter. I'm so sick Bree." He cries, his eyes overflowing with tears.
"I know baby, you have been for a while." I touch his face and look deep in to his eyes.
"Why do I feel like this?"
"That's what you have to figure out. It isn't going to be easy, but I promise, we will get to the bottom of everything. Together."I kiss him and we fall asleep in each others arms. His sweet breath lulling me to sleep.

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ANOTHER UPDATE. Thank the lord. This took forever I am super sorry for the wait. It's just when you skip ahead in time while writing. It is pretty hard to write because you have to make up for the character development throughout that period of time so it's like writing through all that missed time. Make sense? Probably not... Anyways, I have two stories I am writing at the same time so it's kind of hard...I APOLOGIZE. Plus I am still on my trip so it's kind of hard but honestly writing is like my favorite thing to do so it isn't like a burden at all. You guys are seriously amazing and I am glad you are keeping up with this, through all the weird time blocks and updates...you are the best. The reads just keep jumping and it makes me so happy, like just reading any comments or votes on this seriously makes my day. 💕

Xoxo

Livi