Author - Theunknownauthor252
Book - Ad Lunam
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Title: - 1/5
I know you said you weren't really trying to connect the title to the story but I feel like it would help to change it because the title is one of the first things that draws the reader in and helps them subconsciously decide if they're going to click on your story.
Cover: - 1/5
Basically the same as what I said about the title, because the cover is also one of the first things to draw the reader in.
Grammar/Punctuation: - 5/5
Girl, your grammar rocks! I know you said you use grammarly, but you still had to put in the effort to check it instead of just submitting a sloppy draft.
Characters: - 10/10
Your characters are really good in this book. I love how you built up Chris as being a nice and caring person but still left the subtle doubt Harry and Draco had about him and then you completely shifted him on us. I also like the personality you have given Snape, I think it's cool how you gave him a soft spot for Eliana while still keeping his original grouchy character. Overall, the Characters were awesome and I have nothing to critique in this category.
Blurb: - 13/15
Your blurb in this book is awesome! It is very descriptive like the last one, but this time, everything that was in it was included in the story. The only thing I would change is making it slightly different for each story so the reader has something new to pull them in.
Plot: - 15/15
Your plot is really good, I like how you made it similar to the 3rd year while adding some of your own little details in. It's also straight forward and easy to understand.
Pacing: - 18/20
Your pacing is a lot better in this story, it's not too fast but also not too slow, and you're putting just enough detail. Overall, your pacing is really good.
Creative Visualization: - 20/25
For creativity, I like how you added your new character (Chris) for some extra drama. I also like how you gave Eliana a bit of a backstory and put her in a coma to give the story a bit of a twist. These new things really make your story unique to you, and are more interesting instead of just sticking to the regular events in third year.
Total - 81/100
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