mona lisa , chris sturniolo

46 | i wish i was a merman

♫ all i want / kodaline ♫
☆
all i want is nothing more
to hear you knocking at my door
when you said your last goodbye
i died a little bit inside
i lay in tears in bed all night
alone without you by my side
but if you loved me, why'd you leave me?

🍊 🍊 🍊

|  real life  |

✩ 𝐜𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬' 𝐩𝐨𝐯

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live underwater.

Living as a human underwater would be annoying, even with gills or whatever the fuck you need to survive, but how fucking sick would it be to be a merman? To have a fucking tail and be able to travel wherever you want at the speed of light? Maybe most merpeople can't swim that fast, but Bryn used to always watch some stupid show about three Australian girls who turned into mermaids whenever they got wet (ha ha), and they could swim fast as hell.

If I was a merman and I could swim that fast, I would chase after Bryn, and I could reach her in seconds. There would be no second guessing my decision, no time to back out. I would just be there, right in front of her, and she would have to talk to me.

"What the hell are you thinking about so hard?" Matt mumbles from beside me, his eyes only resting on me for a moment before flickering back to his tv. "You look like you need to take a shit."

"You look like shit," I retort immediately. My lips round into a cheeky grin when Matt rolls his eyes, the light from the tv making his blue irises look a shade darker than normal. We are curled up in his bed watching a movie, but I haven't been paying any attention. All I can think about is Bryn. "What do you think she's doing right now?"

"Dude," Matt groans as he reaches for the remote to pause the movie. "We've been over this. You've gotta stop thinking about her, it's just going to make everything feel worse. It seems like you guys were on good terms when she left, so don't worry about it. She'll be back soon."

"We weren't on good terms," I grumble as I slide downwards in Matt's bed and tug his duvet up to my chin. His sheets are cool against my skin, a relief from the warm flush that settles over me every time Bryn crosses my mind.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you guys talk about still being together, and you hugged and said I love you when she left?" Matt questions as he shuffles lower to be eye level with me. He is lying on his side with his arm tucked under his head, and although the way he is raising his eyebrows at me looks fucking stupid, the soft look in his eyes makes me want to pour my heart out. Fuck him.

"Yeah, but we fought before that. She thinks she's fucked up and has to fix everything that's supposedly wrong with her by herself. And that pissed me off, and I said fucked up shit-"

"You said that you weren't really together," Matt interrupts my rant, his voice far too casual for the words he just said.

My eyes narrow into a glare and I kick his shin under the sheets, grinning when he curses in pain. "Let me fucking talk, jackass. I told her I was afraid to label our relationship because I was scared she was going to run away, which is literally what she fucking did anyway. And we are on the same page about still being together, but why the fuck did I suggest no contact? It's killing me," I groan, throwing my arm over my face. "This is why I never wanted a fucking relationship."

"You never wanted a relationship because you only ever wanted Bryn," Matt reminds me softly.

"Fuck off," I mutter, not denying his claim. "I want her to come home, but I don't know what the fuck to do. I'm kind of mad, but I feel bad that I'm mad."