you are my best ill never know

centuries

TW : MENTIONS OF SELFHARM AND SMUT.

                          —pete wentz POV—

once gerard had told me about mikey self harming i felt terrible for him , i wish he never had thoughts like this , gerard sat with me as i cuddled mikey whilst he slept , he was passed out from his earlier state of sobbing , me and gerard brain stormed ways that we could help mikey , "i think we'll need to keep a close eye on him , i know how over whelmed he gets on tour panicing that he'll mess up on stage every show despite the fact he always does great" gerard told me "yeh he is amazing isn't he" i said as i looked down at the gorgeous , yet broken boy who was curled up on my chest, he looks so peaceful while he's asleep but he's the absolute opposite of it.

"he looks so peaceful. i wish he was happy. my baby boy mikey , if i could take all the problems out of his head, i would. i wouldn't even hesitate to do it either." i said as i kissed his head , he was laying face down on my chest as my arms where wrapped around his torso , i know if mikey wasn't currently in the state he is then gerard wouldn't hesitate to pull him out of my arms and kick me out of mikeys bed.

"yeh , poor guy. i love him so much i can't even bare the thought of him being hurt accidentally , let alone self inflicted," his eyes started to water slightly as he looked down at his little brother "i hope he'll be okay." he whispered that last part as he wiped the tears from his eyes that were threatening to fall "are you gonna be okay , gerard ?" i asked him , i know that he must feel 100x shittier about this than i do , mikey is gerards little brother mikey absolutely admires and loves gerard more then anything in this fucked up world and gerard feels the same towards the younger of the two . "yeh , ill be alright as long as i know mikeys safe , and .. i know he's safe with you." he looked up at me and smiled. i appreciate the fact that gerard thinks im good enough for his baby brother. his words are what made me sure that i wanted to protect mikey and keep him from harming himself for aslong as possible.

we continued vocalising our concerns about him before i felt him begin to wake up "mm" he mumbled as he turned his head to the side still laying on my chest probably moving his head so he didn't accidentally suffocate himself. "morning mikes" gerard said in a gentle tone "morning" i said also as i began rubbing comforting circles on his back "mornin'" he replied , it wasn't even morning it was 5 in the afternoon "how you feeling kid ?" gerard asked him softly "mm" he mumbled yet again , he wasn't ready to talk and i think it was obvious but he was obviously im pain mentally and possibly still physically gerard went in detail how deep the cuts where ,  he also especially mentioned mikey telling him the words 'my 9-5 is cutting open old scars again and again' atleast 5 times .

"mikey , darling , we know you don't want to talk but you do have to try tell us , this is a serious matter" i said still tracing circles on his back "no.." he muttered , i could hear the sadness in the voice making me hold him tighter "mikey , listen kid if your not gonna tell us you have to promise that youll come to one of us when you have the urges i know you your a sensitive kid. i know that and i know you , i know that anything could upset you and youll over think it till the point where your sat up against a door with blood pouring down your arms crying out for help yet refusing help at the same time , i can't let you get that bad again." gerard said quoteing his suicide attempt (he told me about it while mikey was passed out asleep) "i promise .." he mumbled , i couldn't tell if he was being sincere or not but gerard seemed to trust that he was "how you feeling mikes ?" gerard continued on to ask him " 'm fine" he said still muttering as he layed with his eyes closed against my chest "comfortable there mikes ?" gerard chuckled as mikey nuzzled his head in further into my chest "mhm" he mumbled sounding happy , we both knew he was just putting up a happy front but we both (me and gerard) know he's faking the happiness to get us to back off his case a bit we both sighed as i pulled him impossibly close "im tired.." he said and if the emoticon ':(' could be used in a real life sentence , that would be it. "go back to sleep darling" i told him placing a kiss on his head again i know mikey feels pathetic and upset right know , i just want him to be okay "i feel pathetic." he said as he began to sit up "im going for a walk ," me and gerard stood up "alone." he said turning back me and gerard faced to look at each other with a panic expression mikey was also looking at us , his usual poker face morphed into an expression of hurt. "you don't trust me ?" his voice cracked as he started "i- mikes.." gerard started i just looked down , i know we both trust him but we're just worried "wow." he said as the tears started running down his face again he just walked out and we both started going after him till we got out of the bus "mikey-" we both started at the same time he just turned to look at us "WHAT ? CANT YOU JUST GIVE ME A SINGLE FUCKING MOMENT OF ALONE TIME. I LOVE YOU BOTH SO FUCKING MUCH BUT GOD JUST PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE." gerard reached out for him , he knew mikey was absolutely fuming , the guy who hates swearing and shouting is now exploding in a warped tour parking lot "DONT FUCKING TOUCH ME!" he yelled as he pushed his brother away , the tears now aggressively spilling down his face "GO AWAY GO AWAY. GO. AWAY." he began pulling at his hair while he dropped to his knees still ragging at his hair , he was now sobbing violently , neither of us wanted to leave him there alone crying but we knew that he was over whelmed and touching him would aggravate him "g-go away.." he tipped over now in a fetal position calming down muttering the words go away , then just crying , pure crys of pain.