Beyond the Cosmos

Let's Make Cherry Smoothie- I

I found a cherry under my bed. It must've fallen down while I was eating a bunch yesterday. But it doesn't look that dry. Nor lump. Considering my room has a consistent low temperature, it probably sustained its appearance, looking freshly rinsed.

The red color of it was like matte. But when I touched it, I felt like it was wet. Was my room humid? Whatever. I guess I'll put it right beside my study desk and continue painting.

I turned to my canvas. Using the color of blue and white I mixed them to attain the sky color I wanna paint. Different shades of blue covered a huge portion of the canvas. But I don't feel satisfied with it. I got frustrated so I attempted to turn the painting into something new, because I always paint scenery. The sky, sunrise, the mountains and stuff alike. I reached for my phone to blast some music to help me, but it worked as well.

Then I went to sleep.

The next day, my friend came over. Her boyfriend cheated on her. What a surprise. Considering he has done that before, my friend turned a blind eye and let him change. A second chance was given and guess what. It didn't work as I told her.

"I told you, this could happen." I said while browsing through pinterest for art inspirations.

"All of those promises! And I fell for it! I am such a fool." my friend cried. "And it was a new girl from Tinder. He did cut his contact with the girl he cheated on me with. But he came looking for another." Lexi whines as she rolls over my bed.

I threw her a "I told you so" look. Whenever she vents on me like this, I tend to respond a little. Not because I am not concerned or interested. But I guess I just like listening. I mean, this is about her and me jumping to the conversation with a suggestion or a related experience would just ruin this.

"Rian, what's wrong with me? Do you think I'm just not girlfriend material? Am I hard to love?" Lexi started crying as she asked me the questions.

"There's nothing wrong with you. Why don't we go out and get some ice cream?" I offered

"Ice cream sounds nice." she said as she wiped her tears. I know this will cheer her up.

I organized my desk as I let her calm down from crying. Having a quick glance at my desk I remembered the cherry I put there. I looked down at my bed to look at the place where I found it. There was another cherry. That was weird.

"I kinda want vanilla ice cream with a bunch of sprinkles on top and a cherry." Lexi suddenly said.

"Mom, are you drunk again?" I asked as I tried to wake her up. She probably drank a lot of wine again. This is what she always does.

"Dad's not coming back? Why are we still stuck thinking he will change and go back to his family?" I stood still while tapping her back, I can feel that she's awake but just not responding.

"I know he will come back." she finally uttered.

As I heard her response, I immediately went back to the kitchen where I was preparing for dinner. It's almost 9 in the evening but there's no meal prepared yet. I know I'm already capable of cooking but sometimes I miss her cooked meals. I miss her old, loving mom treating me like a kid. I made some green tea for my mom. She likes drinking. Before she resorted to wine every night thinking about my dad.

Going back to her room, I saw her up already. Sitting on her bed holding the glass that was earlier on her side desk, half full of wine.

"Mom, can you stop drinking?" I tried hard not to raise my voice. She needs comfort. "You're almost done with that bottle."

She looked up to me with those tired eyes from crying, very fragile, vulnerable, grieving.

"What do you want for dinner?" She changed the topic as she tried to smile at me.

"I already cooked ramen. If you want some, there's still leftovers in the microwave." I said as I headed back to my room.

It's been three months since my dad left ]. He often does this. He goes somewhere we don't even know. At first, it was just for 2 days until it turned into a week. Now, months. With no contact, of course we always get worried about him. Like, where and why is he leaving every once in a while.

I just suspect he has another family. Because when he goes back home he has food for us and gifts for me, some art materials. For my mom, a bouquet of roses. Then I thought, maybe he is hiding something with these flashy presents, so we won't suspect it. I know mom suspects that too but she remained unbothered by it, or maybe she's just hiding her pain because she loves my dad so much.

Turns out, he goes on a bender with his old high school friend. They just do drugs and then go home like nothing happened.

I went back to my room and lay on the floor. I don't like sleeping on my bed that much. These past few days I found comfort in sleeping here, on the floor with my comforter under me. Regardless of little light, letting me see

the surroundings I saw something under my bed again.

Three cherries this time.