Sever The Rope

Chapter Two

Ellis apologizes over twenty-three times by the time we're pulling into the driveway. It isn't the first time he's picked me up late, but he always apologizes like it is. Guilt churns in my stomach over my irritation at it.
It isn't until I'm attempting to bypass the kitchen and avoid his doting mate, that my current state is realized. I'm too tired to fight as Cherry flutters about me, horribly distraught and near tears. Why is she crying? "What happened?! Who did this to you!?"
Ellis steps around me to inspect the swelling parts of my face. "It's happening again, isn't it?" I shrug him off, irritation flaring again, mixing into a toxic slush with the permanent rock of guilt that sits heavy in my gut. I wish I were allowed to keep some things to my chest, I wish he wouldn't bare all my secrets to the world, and Cherry is his world isn't she? The evidence of my burden lies on the couch, the hurriedly bundled blankets, pillows knocked onto the floor, the vcr paused. A romantic evening interrupted by the memory of the youngest sister.
I sidestep both of them. "I just want to shower." Ellis catches my arm and I slowly turn to him. "Crow..."
I shake off his grip, turning my back to him again. "It was a one time thing."
They remain quiet as I climb the stairs, quiet as I turn the shower on and drown out any whispering they could do anyway. It's only me and my reflection now. I look horrible. I don't recognize myself, dark hair made darker from the grime, skin sallow and bruised, there's a smear of blood across my chin, and my left eye is already swelling. I turn away quickly, disgusted. I should heal by the morning, maybe then this will all be swept under the rug, maybe I can pretend everyone imagined it and they'll be so embarrassed they'll never bring it up again.
But that won't happen will it? Just like what I did shouldn't have happened, I shouldn't have stepped in to help, I know the rumors about me, I'm the weakest in the pack. I think they can tell I'm only getting weaker.
The lukewarm water burns against my scars until I turn it a little colder. I try to pretend everything from today is just washing down the drain but it doesn't help. I know once I leave the sanctuary of this bathroom, I'll be forced to face it again.

Once I've cleaned myself as thoroughly as possible, and stayed under the spray for as long as reasonable, I step out. Wrapping myself in my soft towel, I contemplate just staying here. Locking the door and never coming out. Would they stop me? I'm sure at first they would protest but...they'd give up eventually. I press my forehead to the door, the wood feeling almost warm after my cold shower. At least the mud is gone, my dark hair tickling my bare shoulders, clean again.
I can faintly hear them whispering to each other downstairs. I have to strain my ears to hear them. They're talking about me, sometimes I wonder if they ever discuss anything else. Maybe they wouldn't give up and let me lock myself in here then, what else would they have to talk about? I'm sure past stories would dry up eventually. My stomach sours at the thought. My brother has given up so much for me, I shouldn't be thinking like this. It isn't fair to him.
"No, you're right. I know it wasn't my fault, but it wasn't hers either! Why should she have to suffer for it?" I can hear the clinking of plates, they must be setting the table.
"Kids can be cruel, baby. They don't understand what they're targeting her for, they've never been through it." Cherry sounds calm, but I can tell in the way her voice trembles at the end that she isn't happy with the situation either. I'm sure Ellis hears it.
"But why blame her? Why not just leave her alone?"
"Because she wasn't born here. You know how Halfclaw is--"
"That shouldn't matter! Mom and dad took her in so young, she might as well have been born here!" There's a rattling of silverware, it sounds like he just dropped them onto the table before his outburst.
"Ellis...she-...she doesn't look anything like you or your parents." A spike of pain lances through my chest and I begin to blink back tears. I know its the truth but I hate hearing it all the same.
"She's still my sister. She's still a part of this pack." The pain digs deeper, my stomach clenches with guilt, I shouldn't think such awful things about him.
"Yes, but other kids notice that she doesn't fit in. Of course they're going to spread lies--"
"That she's a murderer!? Isn't that too far!?" Something shatters, porcelain it sounds like.
Cherry doesn't respond for what feels like a very long time. Ellis is the one that breaks the silence.
"I'm worried about what will happen to her when we move."
"We can always take her with us."
Ellis laughs but it sounds empty. "She wouldn't want that."
Of course I wouldn't, I don't understand how he can leave this house so easily. This is our home, its the last place our parents were alive, how can he just leave all that behind?
"Sometimes...sometimes I wish it had been me in that fucking fire."
"Don't say that. Don't talk about that like it wouldn't have killed me, like it wouldn't have killed Crow." Cherry sounds like she's crying now. Theres a scrape of a chair being pulled out.
"I don't know where I'd be right now without you."
I don't bother to listen to what Cherry has to respond to that with. Pulling away from the door only to turn and slide down it, bowing my head against my knees and beginning to fully cry.
I muffle my sobs, knowing they probably hear me anyway. I had wondered for a long time after the fire, if Ellis had wished I had...joined our parents. I had never imagined that instead, he wished it had been him. I can't blame him, he tried to hide it but when I got out of the hospital, I could tell he was falling apart. I just wish I could have been enough to pull him back from the edge he was on. I'm grateful towards Cherry for that, for helping him in ways I couldn't. Their meeting almost felt like divine intervention in its timing. But it hurts, selfishly, to know I never would have been enough to save him.
I sit on the tile floor for a while before I work up the courage to venture back downstairs. The couch has been tidied up, the vcr turned off now. There's food on the table with 3 plates, but Ellis and Cherry are back in the kitchen. They're murmuring just a bit to each other when I come in, talking about how Cherry wants to remodel the kitchen at their new house. They seem to be cleaning up the dishes from her cooking, they're close together, not allowing me to see well, but the smear of blood on the edge of the counter and the shattered bits of plate in the trash betray them. "What happened?"
"Ah, nothing, we're just cleaning up a little. Why don't you go ahead and sit down? We'll be out in a second." Cherry's smile wobbles. I eye the mess in the trash but do as she suggests. I don't know why they act like I don't also have super hearing, but if they want to pretend like nothing happened, I will to.
They join me not long after and it's quiet for awhile, tense. So quiet, I jump a little when Ellis finally speaks. "What happened today, Crow?" I prod at the meat on my plate, shredding it slowly with my fork. "Nothing."
"You aren't in trouble or anything! We just want to know what's going on, if you're safe..." I don't immediately respond to Cherry. I don't want to have this conversation, especially not in front of her. I hate the way she tries to act like my mom. They aren't my parents, I wish they'd stop treating me like a dumb little kid. "Crow--"
"Seriously, it's fine. I have it handled." The tense quiet returns, the only sound being that of silverware tinking against porcelain. Eventually, Cherry says something about The Solstice celebration and Ellis engages her. I stay silent, hardly listening to their conversation as she discusses all the different booths she's helped set up this year. Ellis replies that it's too be expected, this is the first year Halfclaw Pack is hosting the celebration, everyone is excited and wants to make it perfect. Cherry hopes the weather clears up in time for it.
They don't try to get me to add anything to their conversation. I didn't want to anyway.