Everything In Between (COMPLETED)

BEFORE|| Mama Said

I jumped at every profanity Dalton shouted at the plasma in the living room. Stray tears rolled and fell onto the pink flowery onside my mom had gifted at my baby shower to bring Danni home in. Two months later, and she would finally be wearing it. My beautiful baby girl was going to be in my arms for longer than an hour or two and without dozens of little wires poking and prodding her little feet and hands.

"Dalton." I called from the hall, but his fingers pounding the buttons on his controller was a sure sign he hadn't heard me and was too lost in his little world. Stepping away from the dryer, I swept the diaper bag from the ground at my feet and tossed a strap over my left shoulder, Dalton's match had ended just as I entered the room, but he was still in a mood, and I decided it'd be best to tread lightly right now. "We need to go pick up Danielle."

He didn't even bother to glance in my direction as he stood. "That's today?"

My heart plummeted hearing he'd forgotten. I suppose there was a part of me that had genuinely believed that he would come around to the idea of our daughter being home. He hadn't went with me to visit her, claiming he'd bring something from work and pass it on to her and he'd never want that. I hadn't pushed him on it, because if I were honest with myself, those few hours a day I had with Danni were my peace.

"Well, come on." Dalton muttered, eying me as if I were crazy. I wondered how many times he'd said my name before I'd come back down into the present. "We don't have all day."

We actually did have all day, but I only forced a smile and walked past him, refusing to spare a glance back at him over my shoulder in fear I'd start crying.

Dalton was distant the entire ride, which I wish could say was surprising or possibly anxiety over how drastically our lives were truly going to change now that she was home, but unfortunately couldn't. He'd been pulling away a little more every day since Danielle was born. He hardly looked at me most days, and nights he wasn't home until the earliest hours of the morning, drunk out of his mind. He never made it to our bedroom those days, and I more times than not had to pick him up out of a pool of his own vomit and clean him and the area.

Some mornings while I was getting ready to go see Danni, I'd stare at my naked body, now scarred with stretch marks and bruises, and I'd understand. I didn't look like the perky boobed, rail thin girl Dalton had slept with the night our daughter was conceived. I was much curvier now, had meat in places I'd struggled to gain weight in for years, and my breasts sagged. Stretch marks lined them and my stomach. I finally had the body I'd always wanted, and Dalton had managed to get under my skin and make me hate it.

"I need to piss. I'll meet you back there." Dalton mumbled as soon as we stepped off the elevator and onto the pediatric wing. I didn't watch him leave, instead I straightened and greeted a few of the familiar faces as I headed for Danni's room, It was a relief not to have Dalton breathing down my neck right now, and stepping into the room, a real smile inched its way across my face.

"Hey, there, pretty girl." I greeted as I approached her. Her eyes flickered from her hand above her to me as I leaned over her crib. I waved, grinning. "Look at you. You've grown another inch! You're getting so big!"

I sanitized my hands before picking her up and cradling her against me. She had grown a crazy amount in such a short period of time. She'd been born four pounds even and was almost six now. The nurses swore it was my milk, the one thing I seemingly could do right nowadays was breastfeed, and it made me happy to see it fattening my baby up.

"Are you ready to come home?" I asked, stroking her cheek with the knuckle of my index finger. She cooed a little and stared up at me with big, wide eyes. "No more machines and wires. No more nurses waking you up in the middle of the night. It's going to be great!"

A gassy smile appeared on her face and I kissed the top of her head, breathing in her newborn scent. On cue, ready to ruin my serenity and happiness, Dalton opened the door with a nurse in tow. I heard a quick sniff, and against my will, my head involuntarily snapped in his direction and I squeezed my eyes shut the minute I laid eyes on him.

Red rimmed both eyes, and he kept running the back of his right hand under his nostrils, no doubt trying to erase all evidence of what he'd just done.

"Alright, let's get the discharge paperwork started before we do the carseat check." The petite nurse said with a smile and looked down at Danni with the brightest of smiles. "Congrats, Danni! You're going home, baby girl."

*

As soon as the nurse had seen us off, I packed all of Danni's things into the back of my Mazda and shut the trunk gently, not wanting to startle her. When I lifted my head, I found Dalton leaning against the back door, staring down at her through the window. Though he tried to mask it, fear was clear as day in his dilated, blood shot eyes.

"She's so small." he breathed, barely audible.

I didn't respond directly but opened my palm. "Give me the keys."

"Why?"

"Dalton, please." I whispered. "Let me have them."

He rolled his eyes but fished the keys from his pocket and tossed them so they landed on the asphalt between my feet. He climbed into the passenger side and slammed the door like a child having a temper tantrum. I crouched slowly to pick them up, blinking rapidly to keep tears from falling. Once I'd composed myself, I walked around the car and strapped myself in.

"I'm fine." Dalton argued once I'd stuck the keys in the ignition. "I could of drove."

I threw him a weak smile. "I know, Dal. I'm just excited. I want to get home as soon as possible."

The lie seems to satisfy him and he leaned back in his seat, scrolling through his phone as I drove. Relief washed over me in a tidal wave when I pulled up along the curb to our apartment and spotted Ash and my parents' cars. Dalton, however, sunk a little deeper in his seat and averted his gaze.

"Maybe I should go pick up some more drinks." He suggested once I'd parked the car. I opened my mouth to respond, but he was already out of the car and making his way across the lot to his truck before I could get a word.

I stared in silence until his truck was out of sight entirely. I knew better than to sit in the car when my family and friends were inside, so I held myself together and walked around the car to get Danni out.

Picking up the carseat, I turned to find Ash standing a few feet behind me, her hands tucked into the pockets of her grey sweats, red sweater scrunching up at the bottom. She didn't try and smooth out the material as she would if we were out in public, but closed the short distance between us and wrapped me in a tight hug. She didn't say anything, didn't point out what had just happened or play the I told you so card. She just took the carseat from me and glanced down at Danielle with a grin. "There's my favorite girl. Look how big you are!"

Danni cooed in response and Ash laughed, leading the way to my porch. She stopped just outside the door and looked back at me with a grimace, the smiley woman she'd been seconds ago gone. "If you don't want your parents and Linds bombarding with questions and asking where Dickhead went, you better wipe those tears, put on that fake little smile of yours, and think of a lie."

I knew Ash didn't mean for the words to be bitter or cold toward me, but I also understood she'd been warning me away from Dalton since the second she met him. She'd given up on trying to convince me to go. She'd given up on me and I couldn't blame her for it. Even now, after all he'd done this afternoon, I still found defensive words at the tip of my tongue to combat any comments made. I tried so desperately to latch on to the few good moments we did have so times like these didn't seem so bad.

"Come on." Ash muttered, reminding she's still beside me. She reached for the knob, and casting a look down at my daughter, I smiled weakly until she was the only thing on my mind.