Burning Hearts

Chapter Fifthteen

            CW: Self-Harm/Suicide Attempt

Vince laid on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He was still processing what him and Rody did, despite it being two days later.
What had gotten into Rody that night? Did he have any clue of what his actions had done to Vince? Why did he do that with him, why did he just let it happen?

He didn't stop him, maybe he should have. But he didn't, he didn't do anything. He'd probably let Rody continue, he wouldn't protest if he wanted to keep going.
But he stopped, he stopped and noticed he was overwhelmed. He had even stayed with him through the night, and helped clean the marks on his skin.

Vince didn't know what Rody was doing, what he was planning. If he was going to use him, then what was the point of him staying and taking care of him?
What was the point of any of it? Vince was desperately trying to figure out what Rody was playing at, what he wanted to gain by doing this.

Vince was going through a lot of emotions, ones that were overwhelming him. He'd managed to go to work, but was distracted most of the day.
He decided to call out sick, just for one day to collect his thoughts. It wasn't going that well. He was so close to having a mental break, just snapping the same way he had the night at the bistro.

He never meant to snap, or to hurt Rody. Something just broke within him, and he couldn't stop or control it. It's why he didn't really fight back against Rody, why he didn't attempt to escape after he stabbed his neck.
He hadn't ever planned to hurt Rody.

He still hated himself for what he did. For hurting Rody. He'd never hurt him again, never let himself even try.
The only person he'd hurt, was himself.

Vince sat up in bed, sighing softly. He was exhausted, but couldn't even sleep. He'd only been able to sleep when Rody was with him, and now he hadn't slept in over two days.
Something about Rody made him feel at ease, and for some reason, he needed him.

He didn't want to need him, or to want him. Everything about this situation made him feel sick, like he couldn't breathe. Yet for some fucking reason, he still needed him.

Vince groaned, pulling his knees to his chest. He was so close to breaking down, but he didn't want to.
He took a deep breath and got up, walking into the bathroom. He found Ruby, loafed on the counter resting. He gently pet her head, causing her to start purring.

He weakly smiled, and picked her up. It didn't disturb her much, and she just nuzzled into him. Ruby was probably the only thing keeping Vince together, the only thing grounding him.
He set her down outside the bathroom, and closed the door. He didn't want her to see what he was going to do, what he had to do.

He just, needed to feel something besides numbness. He needed to remind himself that he was alive, that he could feel something.

He opened his bathroom door, grabbing a blade he'd taken out of an old box cutter. He'd sharpened it, making sure it could cut through the easiest of materials. Even skin.

He rolled one of his sleeves up, pressing the blade against his skin. He did this anytime he felt numb, whenever he needed to feel something besides nothingness.
He gently cut into his skin, biting his lip at the pain. He breathed shakily, finally able to feel something besides pure nothing.

He cut deeper, covering his whole forearm with deep bloody cuts. His mind went hazy for a while, and he blanked.
When he finally snapped out of it, he caught himself right before he was going to slit his wrist. He fell back slightly, catching himself against the wall behind him.

He trembled, and straightened himself up. He went over to the sink, washing the blood from the blade before he put it up.
He walked over to the shower, grabbing the shower head and turning it on. He let the water wash over his blood covered skin, his cuts stinging painfully.

He gritted his teeth, taking deep breaths as he sat there. He was there for over five minutes, waiting for the blood to stop flowing.
When it did, he turned the water off and put the showerhead up. He went over to the sink again, grabbing a small bag of medical supplies.

He disinfected his wounds, before he bandaged them up. He took a deep breath, and opened the bathroom door. He walked past Ruby, and into his bedroom.
He went over to his bedside, grabbing a bottle of pills from his side tables drawer. He took them, swallowing them without a form of drink.

They were just pain killer meds, and helped him calm down whenever he was stressing himself out. He was only supposed to take two at a time, but today, something inside him broke.

He took several of them, not stopping until the bottle was half empty. He knew it was a bad idea, knew that he'd basically just overdosed, but he couldn't care less.
He was sick and tired of living, and just wanted to die at this point. He sat down on his bed, already starting to feel dizzy from the effects of the pills.

He watched Ruby jump onto the bed, and realized he couldn't just leave her all alone. He groaned weakly, and got up.
He moved over to the side of his bed, picking up the phone on his side table. He dialed Lucas's number, deciding it was better to get someone to come get Ruby.

Vince waited for a few moments, Ruby coming over to him and laying in his lap. She meowed, nuzzling into his arm. She knew something was wrong, which was exactly why Vince needed Lucas to come get her.

"Hello?"  Lucas's voice said from the other side of the line, he'd finally picked up.

"Lucas.. I need you to come over and pick Ruby up." Vince said, trying to hide the shakiness of his voice. He hated how strong his pills were, maybe he should've taken a few less. Save himself from the overwhelming fatigue plaguing his body.

"Oh, umm- sure I can come get her." Lucas said, sounding a bit confused by the sudden request.

"Thanks.. I need you to come now.." Vince said, gently scratching Ruby's head. "Right now." He added, feeling a wave of nausea and fatigue wash over him.

"Okay, I'll be there soon. Just-" Before Lucas could finish, the line went dead.

A/N

{Don't worry, Vince is just fine.}