Taking Root (Stardew Valley - Shane)

Chapter Eleven

I didn't get any sleep that night, which wasn't surprising. I can never sleep when I'm too emotionally overstimulated - whether that be with hyperactive joy, or ruminating anger. And after an unsteady walk back to the farm from Marnie's ranch, my clenched fists shaking like tumbling rocks by my side, I was definitely too angry to sleep more than a scattering of minutes here and there.

I never deal with anger properly. I'm not the confrontational type, or the brush-it-off type, or even the revenge-planning type. It just sits inside of my body, without me having a clue what to do with it - lie awake on tousled bed covers unable to think of anything else? Clumsily throw a few punches into the pillow?

By the morning, I had already ran through the situation a bunch of times and reached some satisfying closure. Shane sucked. I already knew that Shane sucked, more than anyone else I had come to know in the last five years, so it wasn't like I could claim I was shocked. Before yesterday, he couldn't even bother to string more than two sentences together to speak to me, so at least now I knew what he was like when he did want to communicate. Rude? Repulsive? Mean. Definitely mean.

I was glad to finally set in concrete that Shane was an asshole. I admit that the whole thing with his aunt being sweeter than a strawberry shortcake, and Emily and Sam not saying a bad word against him, really threw me off for a bit - but I was totally right from the start. Shane sucked.

The only other thing that plagued my sleep-deprived mind was how I acted. Like a deer in headlights. Why did I let him get to me like that? When he moved too close to me, my heart would race quicker than a prey animal. It had to be because I didn't expect it. He surprised me, that was all. And I have always been awkward around people that I'm not entirely used to yet, so that explains it. I just solemnly swear now, on the life of every vegetable growing on the farm, that I will never turn to jelly around him again.

"You have to come. Or else everybody in the valley will judge you like crazy and you'll never be able to make any friends ever again." Emily threatened me in an alarmingly-serious tone through the speaker of my phone. She had called me while I was still in my pyjamas, sitting in the kitchen and dozily stirring a bowl of cornflakes swimming in lukewarm milk. Apparently it was extremely important for her to brief me about a town event that was happening soon.

"I can't even tell what you're saying right now." I mumbled through mouthfuls of soggy cereal. "A loo?"
"Luau. L-U-A-U."
"What's that?"
"I feel like I'm repeating myself. Are you even fully awake? It's 10 AM." Emily's words dripped with judgement as I could almost hear her eyes audibly rolling. "There's this big party on the beach, but the most important thing is the soup that we make. We have a giant wooden pot of stew, that everybody adds an ingredient to - so it's a collaborative effort. Lewis even invites the governor."

I couldn't tell at first whether my lack of sleep had thrown me into some kind of bizarre fever dream - but when I pinched at the skin on my forearm, I didn't wake up.

"Did you hear me? A giant soup. Get saving them veggies."
"Okay okay - I'll take a potato or something." I reluctantly agreed. "Are you alright today? You're kind of... snappy."
"Haley and I just had the worst argument ever. Every day I try my best to be totally zen, and yet she tests my last nerve. She doesn't do anything around here." Emily paused for a second to exhale deeply. "Sorry for being snappy."
I heard Haley's faint, snarky voice in the background chime in: "Yes, it's really not very live laugh love of you is it, Emily?"

For the first time in my life, I was glad that I didn't have any siblings. When I was younger, I used to be unbearably envious of my friends who had little baby sisters, or annoying brothers, or siblings that were several years older than them and too cool to hang out with us. I was my parent's miracle baby, which meant they poured all of their love into me - but I had nobody to be my player two on Super Mario Bro's, nobody to sneak into the kitchen with way past bedtime for midnight snacks. Although, it wasn't all bad. There was a girl in my school who once switched the channel over when her brother was watching the final minute of the football World Cup final, so he stabbed her in the leg with a Thomas the Tank Engine pencil. I never had to worry about that. I could watch all the football I wanted, and all of my limbs are puncture-free to this day. So I guess I have some things to be grateful for.