By the window (ONC2024)

15. Which pad do I want to go?

My mind, still turned with Nathan next to me, who is not known in which of the battles he had rapped me. Now I have another choice to make. Every time I think I have my life back on track, something happens.

Did I know that this wasn't the last bad news I would hear, I would have crashed. Which happened later that week when I got a call from my father. My heart was pounding when I heard a voice on the phone that wasn't my father, but a nurse. He hadn't told me for months that he was suffering from cancer again. That's why he didn't bother to find me. Now everything is clear. Dad wasn't feeling well, he was tired all the time, which I thought was due to all the hours he was working, and now I hear that my father doesn't have long to live.

How could I ignore the signs he was almost telling me just by trying to have a life of my own by marrying someone so as not to be alone and my stubbornness. That I would not have time to say goodbye properly. At that moment, I packed my bags and went home without thinking about what I was leaving behind. I just told Marc that I was quitting and that I would not be back for months, maybe even years. Marc just accepted it like the friend he is, he didn't make it uncomfortable to push the words of my pain out of me. He knew I would tell him when I was ready, and so I left that life behind. Donovan tried to call me a few times, but he stopped after a week of trying, and I didn't have time because my father needed me.

I don't know how Nathan found out I was living back home, but the woman I was, is now a shell, back to thinking only about her father. He tried to make me leave to spend some time with him, but I couldn't. And he accepted it and went back on tour and making the movie he signed in to. 

At that moment, everything slipped away. Just going to the hospital and coming home was the only thing I did and could do. It was like something took over, I even dropped out of school. I didn't care any longer about my education. The only thing I can think of is my father, who slipped away more and more every day.

"Why didn't you tell me, Dad?" I ask him as he lies in bed, almost like a ghost, thin and white. I take his hand when he reaches for mine, "I just wanted you to be happy, dear." Tears fall from both of our eyes as we realize we don't have much time left to be together. Once my father meant the world to me, then I got away with thinking he would be okay, and now I regret the choice I made.

"Don't regret it, dear, I hadn't seen you as happy as you were then," my father admitted, our hands still intertwined. "How did you know, Daddy?" I asked him, for how could he know? Daddy admitted that one night he went to the bar and talked to Marc, who was still in touch with Daddy to this day. Marc had a secret that he knew my father and protected me for him. Tears are now streaming from both of our eyes; "If I die, please promise me that you will let Marc help you" I nod and kiss Daddy on the cheek and go to get a coffee for myself. When I came back, I saw a doctor leaving my father's room. "Now it is time to say goodbye," he said, and I immediately went into the room, took my father's hand and cried until the machine beeped that my father was gone. I stayed in his room, crying, even screaming, until someone touched my shoulder. I raised my head and looked at Marc who was holding my shoulder. He made me stand up and embraced me, letting my tears fall on him.

"Come child, I will take you home," Marc said, pulling me away from my father's body, at first I wanted to fight him, but daddy is gone, and I can take him with me. My mind is still fighting to get everything back because he isn't there anymore. Marc noticed my struggle and tried to comfort me, but I didn't hear a word. In his car it was pouring as if the sky was crying with me because my father was dead. 

At home, I almost fell in the hallway, but Marc caught me just before I hit the floor. "Millie, I'm staying here with you tonight," Marc said as he led me upstairs to my room. "The bar," I whisper as my knees hit the bed and I sit on it. "Don't worry, it's all covered." That's all I heard, and I just fell back into bed and fell asleep. I had been with my father almost every day and night, and now sleep is catching up with me.

In my dreams, I see my dad and mom laughing and holding hands as they walk in the park. My heart warms when I see them looking back at me and smiling before they move further away from me until I can no longer see them. Something inside me said he was finally back with her, happy and loved, finally. The only feeling I could not shake was how lonely I was. I had created a life of my own that my father had always wanted for me, but I had let it slip away in an instant, and now I was here in this three-bedroom house, all alone. Marc had left with only a note on the table. I knew he could not stay, but I could not shake off the emotional feelings that were slipping out of me. 

Upstairs in my bedroom, I stare at the window where Nathan's room used to be. As I look down, I have a flashback of our first meeting. My heart ached with every beat. I could have both men, and now I have no one, only myself.