By the window (ONC2024)

3. Finding a way

My eyes go to this man named Nathan, I have to admit it's hard to see his face clearly in the dark. "And why are you here at this hour?" I ask him directly. I hear a grin from him before he takes my hand. With his warm hand tangled in mine, we walk together, or rather, we sneak together. When we are on the street away from my house, I catch a glimpse of his dark hair. He hasn't turned around, so I'm still wondering what his face looks like, but I can tell from his body that he's in good shape. "Where are you taking me?" I ask him when the silence makes me uncomfortable. "Outside," he said, giving me only one look, and what for. It was too fast to really see everything at once, but those eyes, made me feel numb like they could see in my soul.

I had never felt so much for a guy, what is this kind of magic? "Please, Nathan, can you be more specific?" I ask him with a quiver in my voice. How naive could I be to just let him take me away? "What's your name?" He asks me as he immediately stops under a streetlamp so that our faces light up for each other. Stunned, I stare at him as he looks at me. Then he shakes his head and takes my hand back to walk on. When we are in the city, I see all the lights coming from places I have never seen at night. I never thought it would be so bright here at night, it feels like a world is opening up to me. "Come," he said as he didn't release his grip, so I had to follow him. Inside this little bar, I feel him release his hand and let me go. I kept looking at him as he talked to the man behind the bar about going straight to the stage, which was in the corner of the bar.

"He's a great singer," the man behind the bar said to me as I stood stunned by the first note he hit with his fingers on the piano. "Would you like something to drink?" The man behind the bar asked. I shook my head, not having enough money to spend on drinks. My eyes stayed on Nathan, with his beautiful voice and his feelings in the song. I wanted to get closer to the stage. Which wasn't so easy with the girls gathered in front of him. The people, or should I say the girls, knew that he came here more often because they were calling his name. It was as if everyone suddenly crowded into the bar when it got so crowded that I took a seat at the bar, not liking having so many people around me.

"I'll give her one," says a man next to me at the bar who wasn't bad-looking, but I wasn't interested in him. I nodded politely and asked for a Coke, which I sipped slowly, still focused on the beautiful men on stage. He starts a faster song and I know it's a cover, I couldn't tell the name of the song so. Girls came closer and tried to touch him. I saw a guard take them away from him.

Why is he even singing in this bar, he should record his own songs, he is so good. Ok, I am no artist or music expert, but his voice is so good that he had me from the first note. Sad that I had to be at the bar to avoid being squashed between all the female bodies in front of the stage. The man at the bar who gave me a drink started talking to me, even flirting with me, and I tried to tell him that I was not interested. Before he can say another word, I hear Nathan talking next to me, "Come on," he says after drinking his beer in one gulp, dragging me with him. I didn't even notice him behind me, or even order anything.

"Where are we going so late at night?" I ask him, almost out of breath from following him through the streets. "To the club," he said as if it were up to me to choose, what wasn't. "It's after one," I said, not wanting to go anywhere else. "That's when the party really starts." We arrived at this famous club where music was blasting out of the building. "I don't want to," I cried. He ignored my sobbing. It could always be that he just didn't hear me.

Inside, he was being dragged away from me by all kinds of people, girls, and men who acted like he was a regular there. It looked like he was some kind of famous person, so indulgent was he with the people. Was I living next to a celebrity?

Along me stood people sweating and dancing, I felt disgusted and wanted to leave, more like run away from this place. Then a hand took mine again, as Nathan had been doing all night. "You're Nathan's friend," he yelled in my ear. I gave the man a dirty look, could he have come from me? Why do I stay with him, we don't know each other and I don't want to have anything to do with this kind of man, or maybe he's different?

This man took me without listening to me. Before I could say anything to him, my eyes fell on Nathan, who was sitting between two beautiful girls. These girls I could not compare to, they looked like they came out of a magazine. I felt my insecurities take over, making me feel like I wanted to run away from this situation. "Who is that?" One of the girls asked Nathan, who looked at me as if he didn't know why I was there. He brought me here, and his friend almost dragged me to his booth. "Some girl I picked up," he dared to say as if I were one of his groupies. Then he took me on his lap, making those girls turn green with jealousy. My cheeks suddenly turned red from this encounter with this handsome man. From my memories, I could never remember sitting on a man's lap, not counting my father of course when I was a little girl.

"What's her name?" the other asked in a bitchy voice. Jealousy dripped from the girls' eyes. "None of your business," he replied with a smile that made them almost drool over him with their glances. He is handsome, but they are overreacting to him. Or aren't they, because I hadn't seen him in the daylight, maybe he's not just handsome. A girl comes over with drinks and places them in front of him, bending over with her shirt not covering her almost bare chest. "Thank you, dear," he said as he kissed her on the lips as if it was normal for him. The other two girls took it like it was normal for them too.

It's not normal, it's just disgusting. I stepped away from him, disgusted that I was on his lap, and she just kissed him in front of me. "What's wrong?" he asked, like I was overreacting. Why these two girls weren't jealous of her but seconds ago at me, I didn't understand it. I waved at him, not wanting to raise my voice over the music like he just did.

I thought he would follow me, why I thought that I don't know, but he just stayed there and kissed the two girls. My stomach turned at the sight and I ran out of the club as fast as I could, away from this man who was just another cheater and gambler like all men. This is exactly why I swore off men.

This made me think of my first love, Nick, who said I was everything to him. What a lie, I was so sad when I found out my dad was sick, and he was there for me. That is what I thought until I found out that he told other girls in my school the same thing. He was the first one I kissed and the last one I will let play with my feelings.