mona lisa , chris sturniolo

43 | everything and nothing

♫ give me a minute / lizzy mcalpine ♫
☆
give me a minute
just one will do
i'd trade all i've got in my name
for you instead of this pain
maybe it's time to forget you
i'll say farewell
and maybe i'm what remains

🍊 🍊 🍊

|  real life  |

real life

A cool breeze blows over the open ocean and goosebumps rise on my skin, despite being dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt. The moonlight is glinting off the water, and the countless boats tied up along the marina rock slightly, causing the wooden docks to creak ominously. The world is quiet tonight, the only sound being the distant noise of cars on the road. Even the bar nearby appears to have closed early, which means that Ethan and I have the marina to ourselves tonight.

We are sitting on the end of the main dock, Ethan cross-legged and me with my knees tucked up to my chest. Dad's urn is sitting between us, as are a million unsaid words. The world seems to be tilting on its axis as Ethan and I remain silent, neither of us wanting to be the first one to initiate the event that we have been putting off for years.

"Be brave, Brynlee," Ethan eventually murmurs, his voice cracking the serenity of the night. "That's what he always said to you, right?"

"Yeah," I whisper, resting my chin on my clasped hands that are perched on my knees. "It's tattooed on me now."

"You told me," Ethan says quietly, his voice trembling ever so slightly. "I miss him a lot."

Ethan's words hit me like a punch in the chest, and I carefully pick up the urn to move it in front of us so I can sit beside Ethan and twist my arm through his. "I'm so sorry for not being there for you more. I've been selfish, focusing on my feelings and fears and neglecting yours. I've been scared to lose anyone else after losing dad, but I think I might have subconsciously pushed you away. We used to be so close."

Ethan shrugs slightly, pulling his arm closer to his body to tug me into his side. "It's not your fault. Mom kinda fucked us by sending you away. That was a pivotal point in our lives, and we spent it apart. It makes sense that we drifted."

"But I let us drift, and I'm sorry for that." I rest my head on Ethan's shoulder, my eyes following the movements of a lone seagull as it cuts smoothly through the air in front of us. "I've spent so much time thinking about how dad is supposed to be here that I forgot that you are here. I miss spending time with you."

"Me too," Ethan murmurs, his breath warm against the top of my head. "But I didn't fight for our relationship either. It's not all on you. We just have to make more of an effort now, especially with you moving."

"You should come visit me at the end of the summer, after hockey camp before school starts."

"Yeah?" I can hear the grin in Ethan's voice, and I lift my head to see the smile stretched across his face. "That sounds awesome."

I grin at him and gently punch his arm before pulling away. "Good." My eyes flicker to the small, ocean coloured urn in front of us. "You ready?"

Ethan hops to his feet and extends a hand to help me up, and for once in his life, he doesn't let go when I am halfway standing in hopes of sending me tumbling back to the ground. "Ready as I'll ever be."

I carefully pick up the urn and follow Ethan to the edge of the pier, the dark ocean glimmering ominously below. "What was your favourite memory with him?"