DEDICATION: Secrets are fun to keep, But how long are they fun?

Chapter Eleven

                      Abhimanyu's Pov

Yes I said it. I know I've made a big mistake. Why in the world I kissed Alia that day? She hasn't spoken to me since her confession and my reveal. She is avoiding me I couldn't even see her face. I never wanted to hurt her but I did. How can I do it to her? She's most beautiful soul. She is the one who thought me to let go once in a while.

Yeah I was changing since I met her. I was living a little but it's over. And at the end I hurted the most important person in my life.

After the school I didn't see Alia, someone said she left early. I sat in my car a familiar smell of rose perfume hit my senses as soon as I entered in my car. The smell which once screamed happiness and cheerfulness now smelled bittersweet.

"Welcome home Abhimanyu." Ritu said to which I nodded.

Ritu my supposed wife. I married Ritu just after I was graduated. Our marriage wasn't romantic and Ritu knew it. Ritu and I were forcefully married. The story goes to a long back. My mother was in the hospital seriously ill and I was somehow arranging money for her treatment. She wanted me to be married soon. That's where Ritu's brother enters.

A mafia, the most popular person from underground world. He forced me to marry Ritu I never knew the reason why? He offered to pay all the hospital bills for my mom. Back then the situation was very critical. My mom was on dead bed and she had a chance, money was the only way to save her and I was just graduated I had no money. I agreed to marry Ritu because not only my mom's life but also my life depended upon it. Ritu's brother was a dangerous person someone I would have never been acquainted if the situation was in my hands.

I married Ritu, my mom was saved she lived for 3 more years happily seeing her son married and living a good life. Ritu was also happy to be with me though she never was my wife but a really good friend. She was okay to act as a wife in front of the world but behind the doors she was only a friend.

I paid back all the money to Ritu's brother. I promised mom that I'll always keep Ritu happy and I will.

But in this process I was losing myself. I only realized it after I met Alia. She was the sunshine in my life. Of course she was a little fade up of life but when she is with her good friends she is that little light of hope.

I helped her to live again she helped me to be myself again. If I made her happy she made me clam and brought peace into my life.

I knew we weren't meant to be together, we can't. 'Love' has totally vanished from my life. I never thought I'll ever be romantically attracted to someone until I met Alia. I went on going out with her, getting out of my comfort zone and eventually falling for her.

When I'm with her I rarely use reason. She is stupid but so am I with her. That day when I kissed her my heart was beating like crazy.

First time in my life I felt alive again. My mouth moving against her. Hot sensations sinking deep into my heart. J didn't reason that I went on doing what I wanted. And that day all I wanted was her.

If that day the voice didn't interept us I don't know what I had done. I would have eaten her. Her lips are so sweet and buttery. That day I lost my mind. I kissed her she was in my arms. I'd be having her all go myself forever only if I could.

I want those buttery lips be mine. That sweet taste be mine. The soft feather like touch be mine. The bright shinny eyes be mine.

But I pushed her away from me today myself. I hurt her today, she might have felt used or betrayed. I hate the fact that J brought tears in her eyes. Whereas, I would kill the one who brings tears in her eyes.

What did I do? Alia please forgive me you don't deserve these. I'm really sorry.

Now that I think about it I hate myself for doing everything I did but I'll never ever forget that sweet kiss we shared. I know I'm not morally right but I also know that moment was the most cherished memory for me. The most beautiful moment when I forgot about the world and the only one that matters was in my arms.

Next day at the college I didn't see Alia more except for the lecture. Her eyes were dull today and there were dark circles under her eyes. The possible reason was me. I felt really guilty for it. All I wanted to do that second was to hug Alia and say I didn't betray her nor did I use her and I really like her and I meant that kiss. In fact it's one of my favorite moment till date.

But I was abided by every reason and I had to just touch her with my eyes. I wish I could do more than that.

Today going to school was boring. There was no one to play music. No one to talk continously about random topics and suddenly go on talking intellectually.

Alia was indeed different. At the school, every little thing jn me wanted to grab Alia and take her with me forever. But reasons won't let me do that.

The light of my day were sometimes her smell and sometimes her talks. I got my sunshine without actually asking for it. Today's day was very dull for me. I wish I could kiss her and tell her that she is the one I'll give my whole time to, she was the one I can really be with but the only thing I can do is kissing her shadow.

It's better if she forgets all this most importantly me. I messed with her mind a lot. It's okay if she no more wants to be with me. No matter how much I'd like to have her with me but I can't ruin her future. I wish I had met Alia in a different circumstance. I would have kept her in my arms for eternity. But now I guess all I can do for her is to let her go away from me. Even if it hurts.

Unlike what I usually I'm this really tears me up badly. I cried that night in my car. I wanted Alia but I can't have her and I had Ritu but I never wanted her.

I wish she is not thinking that I used her. I'd die than ever using Alia. I hate the circumstance. Only if I went with reasons like everytime. I wouldn't have hurt Alia neither myself.