The Ballad of My Sacred Heart

Here We Are

What did I get myself into?  My eyes are still blurry, I'm trying to focus.  I look out the car window and see a hazy orange and blue light.  I hear birds chirping.  And, what's that smell?  Fresh trees and salt water. 

"Woman, hurry up!" My best friend yells at me and knocks on the car window from where my head was resting.

I rub my eyes and force myself awake and I can see clearly now.  We're in a forrest!  How the fuck did we get here?  Why is the sun rising?  How long have I been asleep?

I open the car door and I'm met with a cool breeze on my face.  I realize that I have Federico's favourite cream knit sweater on me like a blanket.  He must've thrown it on me while I was sleeping last night.  I put the sweater over my black hoodie before stepping outside.  His sweater is massive and hits me just above my knees, covering my cycling shorts.  

I get out of the car and walk towards my best friend who's already a few meters away.  Typical Fede, always impatient.

"Fede, slow down!  Wait for me you asshole!"  I shout after him.

"Keep your voice down, you're disturbing the nature and you're disturbing me!  It's too early for this!"  He shouts back even louder without turning around.  Suddenly he stops walking and I have time to catch up.

"Thanks for stopping," I say.

"Why the fuck aren't you wearing pants?  You indecent woman.  How dare you soil my clothes like that?  I lend you my favourite sweater, knitted by my mother's own hands, as an act of charity for you last night and you choose to repay me by disrespecting my gesture and wearing my clothes like a an exhibitionist..."

He mispronounced "exhibitionist" but I'm too groggy to correct him.

"You should always be prepared and dress appropriately!  Why are you wearing short long johns and and a hoody?  In what planet is that attire appropriate or even fashionable?"

He's still talking nonstop.  I start walking ahead of him now without saying a word.  He will get tired of talking eventually.

"Carmi!  Don't walk away from me while I'm talking to you! I'm giving you good advice!"

I keep walking.  I cross my arms around my body, it's still a little cold.  My legs are freezing.

"I'm listening to what you're saying, Amore!  I just want to walk,"  we're walking through trees in a forrest, I can hear waves crashing from a distance.  I should've known this is where he wanted to go.  My best friend needs to see the lake when he's sad.

 "Carmi, Don't test my patience!" He stops walking.

Immediately my heart starts thumping in my chest.  I can feel it under the layers of sweater covering my body.  A rush of heat suddenly radiates within me and I freeze.  I bite my lip and turn to face him.  A soft breeze blows through his blonde hair when I turn around.  His bright blue eyes are sparkling in the early sunlight.  

"Don't piss me off.  Come back to me and listen."

"Okay, I coming," my involuntarily begin to walk back towards him.

"It's cold this morning.  How dare you expose your lower extremities like that.  You should've know to cover up!"

"Shut up, Amore!  I'm wearing pants," I yell back and lift his sweater to expose my cycling shorts that have risen up again.  I'm too sleepy to fix my wedgie at the moment.

"Fuck you!  Why would you offend my eyes with that? Are you trying to be a flasher?"

"I told you I'm not naked under this!  I have pants on!  Why would you even assume I'd take. my pants off in your car?"

"I wouldn't even call those stretchy things pants.  Unless you were British."

We keep walking the rest of the way and we finally make it to the lake and we make it just in time to see the sunrise from the horizon.  The breeze blows cold again.  I cling onto Fede's arm to keep my warm.  His right arm is big and firm in my embrace, I hug it close to my chest and I rest my head on his tricep.  We inhale and exhale in unison as we take in the view.  We're the only one's here at the moment accompanied by a few chirping birds.

"I miss Elizabeth," he whispers and his warm morning breath slaps my cheek with those words.

"I miss Wilfred," I chime back gripping is arm between my breasts a bit tighter.

"Don't lie woman.  You're feelings for that loser cannot compare to the longing I have for Elizabeth," his says with his voice trembling.  He means it.

"Elizabeth would've loved it here.  I wanted to bring her here today, to show her my favourite place."

I loosen my grip on his arm.  Right, the reason I visited him last night was because he was sad about what happened with Elizabeth.  He's been thinking about her this whole time while he was with me.  In the car last night, the songs on the radio were for Elizabeth.  Country music is her favourite genre, not mine or his.  She is the lone island in his stream of consciousness.  His thoughts forever flowing around her unmoving memory.  She'll always be in his way, disrupting his current.

I let go of his arm and sit on a rock closer to the shore.  I pull my feet up to not get my shoes wet and pull his sweater over my knees for warmth.  I look up at the brightening sky and begin my morning prayer.

In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.  Dear Lord, I thank you for this day.  I thank you for delivering my best friend and I to this heavenly place safely.  The beauty of this place is a reminder of your existence, that you allow us to experience such radiance here on earth.  I ask you please to enter Federico Borghese, penetrate his hard exterior, touch him and possess his soul.  Allow him to please submit to your power, bring him to his knees and remind him that you are in control.  Please, Lord, I ask you to help him forget about Elizabeth.  Reassemble his broken heart so that he can give love to others again.  Remove the evil that's in him right now and replace it with you.  Amen.

My body begins to quiver from the cold under my sweaters.  I bury my face in my knees and suddenly I feel a vibration in my love abdomen.  I reach down under Fede's sweater for my phone which was in my hoodie pocket.

*1 Unread message

"I see so many people these days, but not the one person I want to see. Come stai, Carmelita Beatrice?"

Who the fuck would send you a stupid message like that?" Federico whispers in my ear behind me.

I gasp in shock and fall backwards on top of him.