𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑴𝒊𝒅𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝑹𝒐𝒔𝒆

𝐓𝐚𝐩𝐞 𝐒𝐢𝐱

[BEGIN AUDIO ON 8/9/19]

A lot happened since the last time I've recorded anything.

I got stabbed. I'm ok. I don't feel well anymore, but that's also ok.

My husband had a night-terror a few nights before. He was screaming and hyperventilating in his sleep. I woke him by embracing him. He was shaking and crying in my arms. He said he had a nightmare about me and the stabbing, except this time he was there and just had to watch. I held him that night.

Hunter is dead. I don't feel good about it.

I saw him the night before his death. He looked horrible, like a ripped-up ragdoll. When he heard me, he reached out for me. He was crying, I've never seen him cry before. I went in the cell with him. He held my hand.

He said he was scared. He was asking for his mother. He asked for my uncle.

I know a lot about you, I told him. I read his report. You and me are similar, whether you like it or not.

How, he asked. He was curled up on my lap. He couldn't move. He didn't know who I was for a minute. He couldn't see because his eyes were swollen shut. I knew what they did. That's why my father and my husband were so joyful this afternoon.

We're both albino, but yours is natural. We're both intersex, though mine is more severe. We both had it rough.

He was shaking. I gave him some water and he drank it like a crazy person. I gave him five more drinks.

You're terrible, you know that?

Yes.

You've hurt my sisters and my brothers. You've scared my parents and uncle. You've traumatized my François.

I know.

I remember my eyes feeling wet. I looked over at the broken body on my lap. I stroked his hair.

I forgive you.

He didn't look up at me.

I forgive you for hurting me. I forgive you for calling me slurs. I forgive you for trying to kill me twice. I forgive you for everything you've done to me. But only to me.

What do you mean? He held my arm, I cringed when he touched my bones.

I don't forgive you for what you've done to the people around us. You've hurt my siblings, Susu gets scared just by mentioning your name. Luna doesn't know you exist, and I'm glad. You've scared my husband to the point where he can't leave me alone at night. You made him more upset during an already difficult time. For that alone deserves death and death you will receive.

He started to cry again and begged me not to kill him. I comforted him, I can't stand seeing people upset. I rocked him back and forth like a baby, and it worked.

You made my parents cry. Do you know how it feels to wipe your mother's tears? Do you know it feels to see your father cry for you?

No.

Well, you should. You made Uncle Ho cry more than once.

I want my father!

No. He doesn't know you're here. And he will never know what's going to happen. He's in Korea right now with a friend. He's relaxed, he's fine.

....I want my mommy. His voice was pathetic and weak. I had that voice once. I begged for mine like a little boy when I was in Coia, though I was well aware she couldn't save me. It was the only time in my whole life that I truly pitied him.