Forget-me-not

Cynthia

The two shared a worried look before they got up and quickly made their way towards the living room. Hyunjin stood in the same spot staring at Cynthia. He wasn't sure what was happening and he didn't know what to do.

"Hyunjin?" Felix called out concerned. "What's going on?"

"I-I don't know. She's freaking the fuck out. She saw me with the knife and went ballistic." His hand ran through his hair worriedly.

Cynthia had collapsed onto the ground with her head curled towards her knees. Her breathing had gone rogue. Her lungs wouldn't expand enough. Every tiny morsel of oxygen was a fight to breathe. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't escape the constrictor of panic around her body.

It was an invisible snake squeezing tighter and tighter and tighter. The abstract memories smeared together to create a hazy collage. She was soaked in her own blood. Trapped in her vehicle, on the verge of unconsciousness, all she could do was scream.

She remembered all of it. The warmth of her own blood against the frosted snow. The sticky feeling left behind as it snaked down her wrists onto her arms. She remembered how viscous it felt compared to the snow that melted against her skin.

The glass had stung her skin, it was a swarm of angry bees. Some of the deeper cuts left scars behind on her hands. The memories were jagged, they weren't fully there, they were perfectly incomplete. They were electrifying in all the wrong places; tiny zaps in the most painful parts of the amygdala.

Her fingers curled and sharp nails jutted into the palms of her hands. Her teeth clenched together and she squeezed her eyes shut tighter. The more she tried to shrink herself, the more Hyunjin panicked.

"What do we do? What do we do? Do we call for an ambulance? Where's Chan? Where's Lee Know?" He moved towards Cynthia.

"Don't!" Han cried out. He rushed forward and placed a hand out to stop Hyunjin from getting closer to her. "Stop it! You triggered something and she's having flashbacks."

"Flashbacks? Flashbacks to what? All I was doing was cutting fruit!"

"Please try and calm down," Felix butted in. "Neither of you are helping."

Han dropped down to Cynthia. "Both of you need to back up and give her some space." He gently reached a hand out and touched Cynthia's hand.

She jerked back like she had been assaulted. Her eyes were wide as she stared at Han. Her eyes darted around him searching for any threats. Han slowly lifted his hands up in the air to show her he meant no harm. Even if he was harmless, it didn't stop her brain from panicking.

Han slowly plugged his ears and pulled his arms down to gesture for her to unplug her ears. She violently whipped her head back and forth and Han nodded. She must have been trying to block something out that they weren't aware of.

Han slowly inched out his hand towards her and left it out in front of him. Her eyes went from his face down to his hand and back to his face. He didn't move and he didn't speak. He left it there waiting for her to decide if she wanted to touch him or not.

In a panic, she finally unplugged one ear and dropped a shaking hand into his. Her chest rapidly fluttered trying to find rhythm, but her brain wasn't connecting rationality and logic. Noises were too loud and everything had the potential to send her spiraling further.

Han kept his hand cupped and let himself feel the weight of her hand in his. After a few beats of silence, he finally spoke. "You can touch my other hand if you want to."

The sudden sentence caused confusion to wash over Cynthia. Han didn't utter another word. He experienced his own fair share of panic attacks. The only thing that pulled him out of them was distractions. He needed something away from the horrid thoughts. Something that captured his attention and lured his brain elsewhere.

Cynthia didn't act right away. She let the warmth of his hand linger for nearly a minute before her fingers curled against the smooth skin of his hand. Han's hand was soft without a trace of dryness.

"That's it, there you go. Can I have your other hand?" He gently pushed out his other hand and waited for her to let him have it.

She was a bit more eager this time and dropped her other hand into his. He stretched out both palms to let her feel his hands. She wasn't sure why it was helping, but it was. Feeling the lines and the inner knuckles were starting to distract her.

"You know what my favorite texture is?"

"W-what?" Her voice came out hoarse.

He slowly moved his hands down. "I really like this floor. You wanna know why?" He kept his eyes on the floor and carefully slipped his hands from beneath Cynthia's, so her hands were on the floor. She responded with a nod.

"Because it's cold and it's smooth." He pressed his own hands against the floor and ran his fingers across the beige tile. "Sometimes the best thing in the world is to come home after a long day and lay down on a cold floor. There's something so simple about it, but it helps."

"Don't tell the guys this," he continued. Cynthia's eyes went over to catch his. "Sometimes after a really long day, I leave my bedroom and I lay on the kitchen floor. Usually, it's after everyone goes to bed. I don't know why, I guess some people have strange habits."

He laughed and continued to rub his hands along the floor. "Do you feel it? It's one of the best feelings in the world."

Cynthia nodded and let her fingers brush along the tile. At this moment, it was just the two of them. It didn't matter that the floor hadn't been properly cleaned in a week. It didn't matter that crumbs were pushed beneath cabinets. It didn't matter that Hyunjin had accidentally gotten fruit juice on it either.

It was just Cynthia and the softness of Han's voice. It was the two of them alone in the kitchen. So focused on Han after everything happened, she didn't even realize that Felix and Hyunjin were still there. The two of them were in the living room standing behind Cynthia. The knife Hyunjin used was hidden behind Han's back.

She was so out of it that she didn't realize the front door had opened. Chan and Seungmin stood right inside the door. The two of them walked in right before Han had gotten Cynthia to unplug her ears.

They didn't know what happened, but they knew that whatever it was, it was bad.