Can't Be Saved

What if, what if, what if?

AUGUST 23RD.

I had woken up in a panic, sweat trickling down my forehead and back, I was hot and clammy- I felt horrible.

I've been in my bedroom for hours sorting my hogwarts supplies out. I had to be extra discreet so my mother didn't clock it and try to pry into my room while i was oblivious.

Which she often does.

The letter is next to me, it has the full equipment catalogue attached. Infront of my crossed numb legs where scattered pens, ink pots, books, my mother's old uniform which surprisingly fits me exceptionally and the rest of the basics.

"Oh shit!" I mumbled in defeat as i reread the list for the 19th time. I don't have a wand! My mum does but knowing her she won't lend it to me and I guess hogwarts has a rule of "You need your own wand" or some rubbish like that.

I had given up and shoved the letter into a half open draw on my desk and I hurried downstairs - my socked feet slipping on the floor, almost knocking me clean out.

I had picked myself of the ground and slowly walked to the kitchen being cautious not to piss of the wooden surface underneath me again.

My mum was stirring some sauce in a big metal pot on the hob and i tiptoed towards her, stopping behind her shoulder peering down infront.

"Carlotta, stop gazing down at me, I can feel your breath on my neck! It's disgusting dear." I stepped back and responded.

"What are you making mum?" Making it utterly obvious I was clearly confused because my mother never normally cooks, and I normally do!

"Ahh just some spaghetti, I was feeling quite energetic today and thought that you could use a nice dinner." Suspicious much.

She had walked away from the pot and I instantly rushed over as she had knocked it, I stopped it from slipping completely over but in return my forearm was now completely boiling and turning red.

I hurriedly raced to the kitchen sink and placed my now red arm under the tap. I turnt my head over my shoulders and realised my mum wasn't downstairs anymore.

She has waltzed right upstairs, no doubt to my bedroom! Shit....

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I looked down at my lap and listened to my mum absolutely screech at me like I had tried to kill her. She had found my stuff on the floor and the acceptance letter from hogwarts.

I didn't lock my door.

I had almost zoned out interely when I felt a hand collide with my face, my cheek to be fully specific. I stared at my mum in shock and betrayal whilst holding my newly slapped face.

Why am i surprised? Absolutely no idea whatsoever. Did it still hurt me to see my own mother hit me? Of course it did.

She had dismissed me and said I would not be eating her "delicious" dinner. I was devastated (not.)

After successfuly ascending up the obsolete, creaky stairs I made my way to my room. But as I passed I noticed my mums bedroom door was slightly ajar and unlocked.

I hesitantly push it open a bit more seeing a handwritten letter on her floor. I crouch down infront of it and collect it, holding it infront of my face directing it to the almost dead sunlight left in the room.

"Written to carlotta" was inscribed on the front of the envelope. Turning it over the words "Written from Mrs Josephine." My own mother had written me a letter?

Just before i tucked it into my shirt my mother began the journey upstairs, without thought I had dropped it back on the floor and left the room swiftly diverting to my own room shutting the door behind me.

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AUGUST 30th.

Fortunately my mum had lightened up the the fact I had been accepted to hogwarts, reluctantly letting me go on September 1st!

I was entirely ecstatic, for one I was leaving the place the most traumatic events priar had taken place for an entire year! I mean not fully because of the breaks that happen throughout a school year but still. Almost an entire year!

And two, I would finally be able to live a normal teenage girls life, making friends, going to classes and hopefully speaking to boys!

How exciting right!?!

My mum had given me the rest of the supplies including a packable cauldron, extra uniform shirts and skirts and....

WE HAD VISITED DIAGON ALLEY!

I didn't really meet that many witches or wizard but I do remember one encounter which stuck out distinctly more then the others. I had had a small conversation with a girl my age, I can't quite remember her name. Mione? Hermy? Ah yes "Hermione Granger!"

Turns out she's in my year and she's apart of the gryffindor house. Apparently there's 3 others but I can't remember them off the top of my head.

Now that the equipment list is all completed and ticked off the only thing I have to do now is wait... Which I am not good at, especially when it's for such a big event!

2 days before i venture to a school for my own kind of life! My own people, people who will understand me and teach me things I will need. Not things my mum had taught me

Once she taught me how to make her boobs get bigger. Said it works for men. Whatever that meant...

As I stared at the ceiling I started panicking. What if nobody enjoys my company? What if i fail classes and embarrass myself? What if, what if, what if was all that was spinning endlessly in my stressed out mind.

A/N

This chapter was longer and I had loads and loads of new ideas for future chapters spring into my head! Comment and vote to let me know what you think of the story so far my loves!

Word count: 1,008 (including this secluded paragraph x)

-AUTHOR xx