Binding Hearts [3]

7.

Opening his eyes, Luke saw drops falling onto his training shoes. At first, he thought they were beads of sweat from his forehead, until he heard a gasp, a cry – his own.

He was crying.

He'd been holding back for so long.

Ever since Miray entered that operating room, Luke had been trying to stay strong, to avoid dwelling on it too much because he knew if he did, he would crumble. Luke didn't even want to think about it; he pushed the scene and the entire topic away whenever it surfaced.

"I'm sorry, but her condition..."

"I can't say how many days, months, or years..."

"Why did you let her do the donation? That's just so risky in her condition..."

Luke screamed as the doctor's words echoed in his mind, lashing out at whatever was next to him, his actions wild and frenzied as he finally lost control.

He cried, screamed, kicked, and finally collapsed onto the ground, holding his head in his hands, feeling like he was being torn apart inside.

Miray.

His baby.

His child.

Luke pulled back his shaky hands and looked at them through tear-filled eyes.

Those hands had cradled Miray when she was born, bathed her, caressed her chubby cheeks and silky hair, rubbed her back, and carried her.

But they also let her enter that operating room.

Suddenly, Luke's tearful eyes darkened, and he felt an overwhelming urge to punish those hands

With a trembling fury, Luke clenched his fists, his nails digging into his palms as he fought against the overwhelming flood of emotions crashing over him. Anguish, guilt, and helplessness tore at his soul as he grappled with the weight of his decisions.

He wanted to scream, to rage against the unfairness of it all. How could he have allowed Miray to undergo such a risky procedure? Wasn't it his duty to protect her, to shield her from harm?

With a choked sob, Luke lowered his head, his tears mingling with the dirt beneath him. In that moment of raw vulnerability, all he could do was hold onto the thought that Miray was still there, still breathing, and pray that somehow, a miracle would happen and keep her.

How could they?

How could they allow her to enter that room? 

Suddenly, the memory of Miray's expression before entering the operating room flooded his mind, causing him to gasp for air as he sobbed uncontrollably. 

She had written him a letter, instructing the doctor to give it to him only in the event she didn't survive. However, a misunderstanding led the doctor to deliver it to him during her operation, shattering his heart even further.

Luke hated it.

He loathed that letter with a passion.

He wanted to burn it, along with the memory of reading it and even the very pen that had inked its words.

But he didn't.

He kept it safe in his office, locked away.

Burning it wouldn't make a difference because he already knew every single word of it, every mark, every tear stain, and even how it smelled.

His mind began to replay the letter, and he screamed, begging for it to cease. He didn't want this.

He didn't want to remember.