Coming of Age on Planet Earth

Chapter 7

Things aren't going well for Mom and her anti-violence crusade. Most of the teachers refuse to attend her workshops on the grounds that they aren't paid enough to put in the extra time, while some cite Waldo's disrespect at school as evidence that her non-violent methods are flawed.

"We're not living in the bloody nineteen-fifties anymore!" Mom shouts, storming out of the principal's office after a heated debate over the morality of beating students for being late with their school fees.

Waldo sees his opportunity, and he seizes it. While we're waiting in the shade for the Land Rover to come take us home at the end of a particularly hot day, he turns to Mom with a sad face and says, "Why do we even have to go to school, Mom? It's not like we're learning anything, and the way the teachers treat the other students is very upsetting. It's really difficult for us to watch."

He looks down and sighs softly, making his lip quiver. Man, he's a good actor.

Mom puts an arm around Waldo's shoulder. "Oh, sweetheart," she says. "I didn't realize it was so upsetting for you. Listen, I'm doing what I can to improve things, but it takes time. Sometimes it feels like pulling bloody hens' teeth."

Mom strokes her chin as she looks back toward the principal's office.

"I wish we could just stay home and study by ourselves," Waldo says. "I bet we'd learn way more."

"That's true," I quickly put in. "We've been here for like a month already and I've hardly learned a thing."

"Well—" Mom says, "I suppose you could try to study at home using your textbooks, but you'd have to be very self disciplined. And you'd have to listen to Yusuf and obey him when we're not around."

Waldo places both palms to his chest with a wounded expression. "Mom," he says, "when I put my mind to doing something, I always get it done. Anyway, me and Willy'll help each other, won't we, Willy?"

I nod vigorously and Mom smiles and brushes the hair out of Waldo's eyes with a finger. "Willy and I will help each other," she says. "Hopefully William can help you learn to speak English properly."

As the Land Rover approaches, Waldo flicks his hair back over his eyes and gives me a wide grin, then a silent high-five behind Mom's back.

Give the kid a fucking Oscar.

~

With no one around to enforce our side of the bargain, we spend our days racing around town on the rusty 10-speed Solomon lent us. While Waldo chews gum and stomps on the pedals, I sit on a pillow strapped to the rear pannier rack and use a bamboo cane to beat back the kids who run after us shouting "Oporto! Oporto!"

Our adventures are mostly harmless. We steal oranges from people's trees and throw rocks at their metal roofs, then race away laughing while the owners run after us shouting. We drink Coke and Fanta and use our slingshots to smash the bottles on the road. Sometimes we just sit in the orchard and smoke cigarettes while I look at the sky and Waldo talks about all the things he misses from Canada, mostly his friends, hockey and poutine. Once I asked him if he wanted to go explore the jungle with me, and he looked at me like I was totally insane.

"Sure, Will," he said. "I really feel like getting eaten by a fucking leopard or a crocodile. That sounds like awesome fun."

It was funny the way he said it, so I laughed.

It's weird how comfortable I feel with him now. The only other person I've ever felt so comfortable with was Aaron, and with Aaron it was easy because he almost never spoke.