addicted to the knife.

Izuku

"Midoriya, are you listening?"

A voice breaks through my thoughts. I look up to see Mr. Aizawa staring at me with those blank eyes. "Oh, um. Yeah, sorry" I stutter. He looks at me for a second.

He turns back to the board, continuing to teach something about heros.

I should listen...but I just can't.

I just pull out my notebook and open to a blank page. I start sketching a person, thier eyes are blurred out by a black lines over that part of the face. I continue to draw thier body, they are wearing clothes but there is blood dripping from thier wrists. I add tears coming from under the black lines that are covering thier eyes. I draw the shoes, red high tops. I only add color to things that are red in pictures like this. I draw the hair, checking my work I realize I drew my middle school self.

Huh. That's funny.

I close the notebook, thinking of those scars I have on my wrists. No new ones since middle school...

Would anyone even notice if there was new ones? I mean we fight a lot, they could be from a villian. What if I make new ones.

I roll my sleeve up just enough to be
able to rub my finger up all my scars, feeling how they've healed.
My cuts feel like little bumps in my skin as I run my finger up them. The bell tolls, awakening me from my trance. I roll my sleeve back down, feeling as the fabric goes on my scars.

"Deku-kun! Want to go get snacks for studying later?" My eyes glance up to see Uraraka asking that question. I force my face into a smile. "Of course!"
She smiles back at me, hers is probably real...

I wish I could smile for real.

I get up from my seat, grabbing the handle of my bag. I swing it over my shoulder. Uraraka flashes her teeth at me, smiling.
I can hear my own footsteps as we walk out of the school and back to our dorms. We split up to put our stuff away, she goes right, I go left. I walk into my dorm, everything feels cold and quiet. My feet walk in and I close the door behind me, locking it.
I might have a blade in here.
I close my eyes, trying to remember if I have a razor blade or a knife or anything in here. My eyes open and look at my desk, I pull out the drawer and push a pencil into a little hole. It pushes up a secret compartment, revealing lots of razor blades and knives. The razor blades sit next to a knife sharpener. A real smile emerges on my face.
Yes. Finally.
My hands reach out towards a razor blade, grabbing it. I look at it, it seems really sharp.
Good.
I place the blade against my skin.
Wait. I've been clean for so long... Am I really about to relapse?
I hold blade against my skin, not pushing down enough to cause damage.
C'mon, I can make it another day without it.
Slowly, I pull the blade away from my skin, it made a small mark and got some of my arm hair. I place the blade back next to the knife sharpener.
What was I thinking? I can't do that.
The drawer falls back down to it's original state, hiding my blades. I shut the drawer and place my backpack on the ground. There's a light knock on the door.

"Deku-kun? Are you ready to go?"
Uraraka's voice calls. I glance down at my school clothes and yell back "Almost! I'll be out in a minute!" I strip myself down to my boxers, grabbing an All Might shirt and some jeans to put on. As I'm sliding on the pants and shirt, I grab my phone from my backpack. I meet Uraraka outside of my room. She smiles. "There you are." She says, her cheeks flushing. I smile at her.

"Ready to go?" She asks, I answer. "Yep."

We walk out of the dorm building and down the street, she's bouncing as she walks. My walk is more like a slow walk towards a roofto-