Without You

X

The surgery was grueling and yet she loved every single second of it. She loved the scrub room, when she tied his ferryboat scrub cap on. She loved having him tie hers, and his gentle kiss at the base of her neck before anyone came in.

"You're going to make an excellent surgeon." He had whispered into her ear, making her laugh, "And a hot one wearing my favorite color."

She knew he meant every word and she had watched as he had opened the cranial shunt first, severing the connections to the brain. He looked up into her eyes and it was though oceans and forests collided in this small room.

He was in heaven with her. The surgery itself made his arms have goosebumps and she helped him through the length. When his feet got tired, she switched on for him, and he sat for a few minutes. When they finished the first part of the surgery, the man's brain was closed and they stood in the OR while nurses switched shifts.

She stood beside him, their hands in an X position away from their chests, and she leaned her head against his chest. The first 8 hours were over. Her hair smelled good the entire surgery and they took small water breaks every few hours.

When the opened up the man's back, he stretched and got to work while she held the retractor. He did his work as fast as he could, looking up to her every few minutes to check that she was okay. Her hands didn't move an inch, and she took no breaks, and she said not one word till he was done. He was amazed for the next few hours when she didn't take a break and her eyes sparkled with drive, with intelligence.

He could feel the energy from her when she smiled at him and before they knew it, they had closed and they were in the scrub room. He was hungry and tired and cranky but she started to laugh. They were alone in the OR scrub room and he grinned.

"That was beyond fantastic." She smiled. He turned to her and held his arms open for her. She nearly ran into them and he chuckled, finally holding her in his arms.

"Oh, I needed this." He moaned in her neck as she smiled.
"Thank you." She whispered, "For all of this."
"All of what?" He asked, pulling back at her her soft voice.

There was small tears in her eyes and his eyes softened with worry. His hands rested at his sides and he watched her take a deep breath.

"No one gives me a chance in Seattle to cut." She sighed, "They just assume that I am used to being in the OR. Any attending who even lets me an inch inside thinks I am privileged because of my mother. They think I didn't put in any work to be here, but they don't even know the half of it. And I can't even tell anyone she's sick."

He nodded in understanding and she looked down at the floor. His left hand came up and gently pushed her hair back behind her ear gently, and his thumb gently brushed against her cheek.

She looked up at him and for a moment, they were completely naked. All of her emotions were laid out on the table. She couldn't keep looking him in the eyes because those blue oceans would make her cry before she was ready to. She looked back down at the floor and felt him lean into her, pressing his lips against her forehead.

She gently reached to him, holding his torso. He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around her, one around her shoulders and the other cupping her head into his chest.

She pulled away after a few moments and he smiled gently. He kissed her lips, and she was stuck in it. He was best kisser that she had ever known, the only man that ever made her feel safe and heard.

"You're going to be okay." Derek said, smiling with that idiotic, McDreamy smile that filled her with warmth. "Everything... will be okay. And you are an excellent surgeon. They'll see it soon."

He was stuck in her eyes and he looked around before leaning in and gently kissing her. He was lost in her and soon enough, he felt her tongue in his mouth. He walked forward and gently pressed her against the door.

Hid breathe caught in his chest when he pulled away. There was an odd feeling at the base of his throat, and the three words he wanted to say wouldn't leave his mouth. He was infatuated by her smile and he nodded, comforting her.

He would fix this. For her, he would make them see. No matter what it took. He would show the world who exactly Meredith was.

He opened the door and they stretched before telling the man's wife that he was fine. They changed out of their scrubs, and as they got into his car, he smiled.

"I think we need to eat something. Something nice." He said, driving through the streets of Manhattan. It was dark and the lights were shining everywhere and she agreed.

"Here we are." He grinned, "One of the best places."
"Better have steak." She said as he opened her door.

He laughed and nodded before leading her inside. Once they sat and ordered, he reached across the table, gently taking her hand in his. She smiled and his thumb stroked the back of her hand. He was lost in her eyes and didn't speak, but just grinned.

She knew her stomach felt queasy, but this was a whole different feeling. She just wanted to reach across the table and kiss him, and the way he was staring at her made her stomach do cartwheels.

"Thank you." Derek smiled at the waiter as he placed two steaks in front of them, and refilled their wine.

"You know..." He trailed as they ate. She shook her head and he smiled, "I haven't ever seen you operate in any other speciality. Have you?"

"Bailey has something against me, so I don't usually have many surgeries at all. Plus... Neurosurgery is the only one that really interests me." She said.

"I think that if when it matters, you choose Neurosurgery, you have a lot of potential. There is a lot of unknowns in the department and I believe you can make a really big impact." He said after listening intently.

He saw her smile and blush before she took another bite.

"What about you? Did you ever consider anything else?"

"I helped in a clinical trial for TB, and just seeing people suffer like that, and not being able to help them was just frustrating. The brain; it's something I can fix, something that shows immediate improvement and results." He nodded.

"So you're impatient?" She asked, raising her eyebrow.
"Of course I am." He nodded. "What are you considering?"
"General but I see hope in all of them." She smiled.

They kept talking for a while and after they got a dessert, he was driving them back home.