Without You

IX

They didn't get up right away, but they stayed in each other's arms till the sun was beaming onto her back. He had his hand on the small of her back, slowly brushing her soft skin. Her lips were pressed against his shoulder and she traced shapes on his chest.

"Don't get up." She mumbled, "Everything changes there."
"I know." He breathed, "I know we can't do this there."
"We can have nice things here." She said, "Like beds."
"Come on. Let's shower." He suggested, holding her.
"I don't want to not have nice things, Derek." She sighed.
"I know." His voice cracked in her ear and he sighed too.

They pulled themselves out of bed and kissed each other into the bathroom. He took off her shirt and she tugged down his pants before they got under the faucet. The warm water graced their heads and ran down their bodies.

"Nice things..." She trailed, "Like showers."

He gently held her chin, tugging it up and gently holding it with his thumb. When their eyes locked, he felt the breath leave his lungs. She was it. His eyes sprouted tears and she bit her lip before she kissed him.

Instantly it grew passionate, the romance fading to desperation. They pulled away, mouths open in panting and tongues waiting to tangle again. His hands gripping her torso and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

He slid inside her, not even bothering to ask permission when the only thing he could moan was her name. Over and over again while she gripped his hair, the feeling of his tongue against her neck was the most intense thing in the world.

A few moments later, he held her cheeks and looked at her dead in the eyes. She nodded and he kissed her, her teeth tightening on his top lip. He grunted in disbelief against her and felt the steam in the shower cover him till they were all alone, not a single thought came from their heads as they came.

He was smiling just like her and she wiped his tears away as they made their way out of the shower. He opened the drawer and pulled on a towel around his waist, handing her one too.

They didn't talk as they pulled on fresh clothes and headed down to the parking garage. He pulled keys out and opened a door, smiling.

"You have a car here?" She asked, "Really?"
"Porsche Convertible." He said, starting the car.

They got in and he started driving, the fingers of his left hand moving to the center console and gently rubbing hers. She squeezed his hand and smiled as he sped through the streets of Manhattan. He grinned and pulled into the hospital's parking garage.

"In there..." He trailed, but had trouble putting it into words. It was filled with people who knew him as Dr. Derek Shepherd, married to Dr. Addison Montgomery. People who still talked to Addison.

"Oh." She realized and her hand left his, moving back to her knee. He sighed and closed his eyes, looking in his lap. He couldn't say it and he just listened to the sound of her getting out of the car.

"Meredith, it would just get me in a lot of trouble." He said, following her into the elevator at the bottom of the garage. She nodded and he hit the 7th floor for them.

"I mean it, Mer. I want to, but I can't." He said as he gently pressed her against the wall of the elevator. She looked up at him and saw the sincerity in his eyes. She felt his affection for her and nodded.

She leaned up and gently locked their lips to tell him that she understood. That she would be with him either way. He returned her kiss but pulled away at the sound of the elevator reaching the floor. It opened up and he gently gave her hand a squeeze before pulling that away too.

They walked to the nurses desk and checked in, receiving their scrubs. Hers was navy blue and she smiled up at him while he watched her sign in.

"I've never worn navy scrubs before." She grinned.
"Well, here is your first feel of the future." He chuckled.
"Surgery starts in half an hour." She said, checking the time.
"Great, we can eat something." He smiled.

They changed in the attending's lounge and shared a sub before meeting the man who they were going to fix.

"Hi Mr. Meyers." She smiled, walking in.
"Good Afternoon." Derek smiled too, following her.
"Hi Docs." The man smiled and winced.
"Are you the two doctors in charge?" A woman asked.
"Yes." Derek smiled, "I am Dr. Shepherd." He nodded.
"I am Dr. Grey." Meredith shook the woman's hand.
"They said he should be going to surgery soon." She said.
"Yes. We just came to introduce ourselves." Meredith nods.
"And answer any questions." Derek grinned.

Meredith pulled the chart out from the desk and read over it, not noticing that Derek's eyes were on her.

"How long is this surgery?" The woman asked, "I am his wife, and we just got pregnant."

"This will be a 26 hour surgery. Doctor Grey and I will be heading it for 24 of the 26. The last two hours will be done by the house physician; Dr. Kendrick. He is excellent, I studied under him." Derek assured them.

"Boy or girl?" Meredith asked, smiling.
"It's a girl." Mr. Meyers chuckled.
"I bet you're looking forward to that." She laughed.
"Oh yeah. We already set up the nursery." The woman replied.

"We are going to do our absolute best so the only stress you will have is to worry about the baby's first clothes." Meredith smiled as the woman hugged her.

He could tell that this made her skin tingle and he tugged her into a small closet after they had said goodbye.

"You are amazing." He said, his forehead pressed to hers.
"That was amazing." She corrected, "That patient."
"No. I mean it. You are." He smiled, holding her cheeks.

"The way you care for patients and respect them. The way your eyes sparkle when you look at the chart or the way you chew your bottom lip when you are trying to concentrate. The way you don't talk to patients like they're just a patient, but you really see them. Their struggles, fears and their personalities. You get that. You fight for them and that's what I love about you."

He was breathless and he kissed her. She grinned and let him pick her up. He put her down a few moments later and sighed, letting his hands drop to his sides. Her fingers tangled with his and they laughed.

"Ready for this?" He asked softly.
"We won't mess up, and if we get too tired..." He trailed.
"Surgeons can rotate in." She nodded.

"You are going to have to hold the retractor for the first 8 hours." He said, "You think you can do it?"

"Yes." She smiled, "But do you think you can handle it? Not bing able to kiss me for 24 hours?"

"Well I'll just have to get myself some kisses now." He laughed, holding her cheeks.

She smiled and he held was in awe. She was a beam of sunlight in his night and he kissed her, letting the warm feeling of her spreading through his bones.