Toxic | Mattheo riddle

Damage

Cedric eventually let me into his room. We talked for hours, opening up. I had no intention in getting back together with him, he didn't deserve the pain of it.
I told him my drug use was dependent to the state of my relationship with a certain someone, just like it happened when I was with Cedric.
I didn't directly say the person involved with this situation was Mattheo, although I know he knows who I'm talking about.

"So he doesn't know anything about it?" Cedric asked me, referring to Mattheo and my addiction

I shook my head, signaling him he doesn't.

"How do you think he'll react if you tell him?" He continued

"You're crazy to think I'd ever tell him" he whispered

"Well you don't have a lot of choices there Ava. This addiction can only get worse if he doesn't know it's dependent to your relationship with him at the moment." He explained

"I'm scared...scared of his reaction, what he'll say. I don't want him to see this part of me" he stared blankly at the floor

"You know" he paused, "when I found out about it when we were together, it didn't make me love you any less..."

"That's the thing though...I don't even think he loves me whatsoever. We haven't even got past that stage yet" I shook my head

"Then I think you should tell him what's on your mind" he proceeded to say

"What do you mean?" I frowned my eyebrows

"That you love him"

"I don't-" a silence started to lie
"I don't even know anymore. Everything about it is so toxic. Truth to be told, he's got another girl on his lap right now, laughing at his stupid jokes"

I could feel Cedric pity eyes on me. I didn't want his pity, however it felt good to have someone who could understand you.

"I think I need a distraction" I chuckled, not wanting to be thinking about all of it right now.

"I hope you don't mean drugs" he commented

I playfully tapped his arm, taking it as a joke. He chuckled too, although I knew he was partially being serious about it.

"There's nothing to do at that time, we can't go to hogsmade, and it's getting pretty late to wander around the castle without being caught by a prefect" he stated

"Have you stayed in touch with Cho?" I asked out of the blue

"What?" He seemed confused by the question

"I told you I needed a distraction" I smiled, wanting to think about something, other drugs and Mattheo

"Well...no, she's a mess to be honest" he answered. I could see he quickly regretted what he said, as I was mess too, if not: worse than Cho.
"You know what I mean, her behavior is...she's very much dramatic"

"She doesn't deserve you"  I scoffed
"And I hope you'll find someone that'll give you the same amount of love and attention you give and put. You deserve it, really. After everything"

He go closer to my face to kiss me, but I slowly moved my head to signal him it's not a good idea.

"I don't deserve you too Cedric. I putted you through so much pain" i commented

"I don't care" he quietly said

"Well I do. I mean it when I say you deserve someone good for you. I'm only damage" I looked him in the eyes

"Stop speaking nonsense-"

"I'm not! It's true, you're too caring and kind for a toxic relationship like that" I cut him off
I putted my hand through his hair, smiling at him.
"I think it's better to go to sleep" I got off his bed.
Before getting out of his room I gave him a hug.
"Thank you. For being there" I thanked him and eventually left his room to go to my dorm

Sorry this chapter was really short :(