Toxic | Mattheo riddle

Part of me

After a few minutes in the train, the lady selling the snacks finally came by the cabin I was in. I bought a bag of chocolate, that I later on finished alone. The guy in front of me was still sleeping, quiet was a need for me right now, and it felt good. I took my book do draw, but considering I was high, the drawings were not that great.
I eventually fell asleep.
Suddenly someone woke me up, it was someone from the train staff telling me we've arrived. The train was empty;the drug must of putted me in a deep sleep.

"I'm so sorry, let me just grab my bag and I'll get out" I responded, scratching my head that was hurting

I got out of the train and the platform was empty, everyone must of already arrived at the school by that time. I took a long walk to the school bored in my thoughts, considering the carriages we're already all left. 20 minutes later I was in my dorm. The common room was empty too, everybody was at the great hall already eating. I changed into my uniform as it was the rule, snorted a line of coke as I was feeling a bit down, and made my way towards the great hall.

I entered, and spotted my friends to sit with them. I sat down, directly looking at the food, not even saying hi.

"Where were you? We haven't even seen you on the train" Pansy said

"I slept" I raised my head to look into pansy's eyes

Looking from her worried facial expression, she must of understood I was high again. I avoided our eye contact to meet Mattheo's eyes, then went back to the food that was in my plate.

I wondered why Vivienne wasn't sitting next to Mattheo, as they were all over each other today. Then I quickly realized it was because vivienne was at the ravenclaw table, didn't make feel any better....I don't even know why I thought that he maybe dropped her.

After a few minutes we all went back to the common room with some others that joined us: including Vivienne

I sat on the couch with the group, as they started talking and gossiping. I would've gone to bed, but I felt like I was going to be more miserable if I found myself alone in my room.
Pansy was next to me, trying to pay attention to my moves. I could tell she was worried about me, and trying to help me. She just didn't really know how to proceed in fear that I would burst out of anger. I was conscious of the fact that I needed to make an effort, although it was hard.

"Listen, you don't have to talk about it to me, i can't force you. And I know I'm not the only one who knows about...all of this. But you need to find someone to talk about it too" she started speaking to me while everyone else was focused on their own conversations

It's true, only three persons knew about my addiction, which is a miracle that it isn't more: my brother Peter, Pansy, and my ex boyfriend Cedric.

"Even if it means talking to Cedric again, I need you to heal and talk to someone about it"  she added

"I'll try" I said while biting my lip

"Good" she approved of my response

I turned my head to see what was on my left just to look at Vivienne and Mattheo flirting very closely. I rolled my eyes and left the room.

"You're a real fucking child Mattheo, you know that right?" Pansy sweared into my defense

"And what does that make her" he responded unbothered

As I went towards the bathroom to refresh my face with some water, I crossed Theodore.

"Oh hey Theo" i formed my lips in a fin line

"Hey, hum look...I talked to Mattheo about what happened and we're cool now" he informed

"Glad you guys could sort it out" I smiled

"What about you? Did he say anything?l he asked

"Hum no...he's pretty much all over Vivienne...again" I responded

"It's his coping mechanism. It's shitty, I know, but he'll eventually come back to you" he tried to reassure me

"How would you know?"

"Cause he's my best friend. Take care of yourself Ava." He hugged me and went back to the main area of the common room where everyone was hanging out.

I don't even think if him coming back to me matters anymore. Even though a part of me wanted it, it's maybe better he doesn't. Im doubting on pansy's advice, maybe talking to Cedric can make me feel better. Besides he's seen me through my worst, he's the only one who I can tell about my addiction without feeling embarrassed. Although I haven't talked to him in so long and seeing him again just for him to "take care of me" seems selfish. I know he's willing to do it, to help...of course he would, he's Cedric.
But then I remember about our conversation when he found out I fell out of love. Fuck...I'm so screwed.

As soon as a tear rolled down my cheek I decided leave the common room.

"Where are you going?" Draco asked me

"The hufflepuff common room" I responded while drying up my tear

Pansy smiled at me, understanding I took her advice.

I somehow managed to get into the hufflepuff common room and nervously walked towards Cedric's room.
I knocked waiting patiently for an answer, not even bothering to clean up my messed up face. Suddenly the door opened to reveal Cedric.

"Ava?"

"Hey Cedric. I'm sorry if this seems out of the blue hum..." I was having a hard time forming words as my anxiety was starting to kick in. "I- i just...I don't know what im doing anymore and I-" another tear left my eye.
He putted a hand behind my back to pull me in and hug me. He immediately understood where I was, he knew I relapsed and he knew the situation I was in, was starting to get ugly for me.

"Don't worry let it all out" he rubbed my back, still hugging me while I was starting to sob.

"I'm sorry Cedric. I'm sorry you have to keep seeing this part of me. You're just the only one who seems to understand"

"Don't apologize"

I hugged him for a good minute till I finally backed out to dry my tears with my hands.

"Are you feeling better?" He asked me

"A bit yeah" I responded still drying up my tears.